Hey Let's Switch Turns!
by BunniGirl
Summary: *Update: Chp 27* The grass is always greener on the other side. When their wishes are taken too literally, Helga and Arnold learn that no one really has it easy. Throw in a few crazy deities with a shine for matchmaking for good luck.
1. Oops....

Note: I've revised this (2007) since I wrote it when I was like.. what? 13? Enjoy!

Disclaimer: don't own Hey Arnold or it's characters! Just using the characters for my own ingenious plans! MWAAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!! Um..er...sorry if I scared anyone!! I tend to do that sometimes.

Rating: K+ for mild language and situations.

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Oops...**

* * *

It was a beautiful Friday at PS 118. The air was crisp, turning with possibilities. It seemed like anything could happen today. All the students were on edge for a fun packed-full weekend, watching the clocks eagerly and playing with one another at recess. It felt like a day when nothing could go wrong. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everyone was getting along.

"Watch it, Football-Head! I'm walkin' here!"

"Anything you say, Helga."

Well, almost everyone.

Alas, there was to be no peace at PS 118. The two were at it again, and by two it was generally meant to be the fourth grade nemeses: Arnold and Helga. For some reason today, Helga could NOT leave Arnold alone. Arnold, while mellow and easygoing, was reaching the end of his eternal patience with Helga while she danced on his last nerves.

First in the morning when she threw six spitballs into his head. Then at lunch when she cut in front of him in line and then threatened to push him down when he complained. And just now, she just did an impersonation of him in front of everyone - in front of him even!

Even he had to admit that Helga before had always stopped bugging him after a certain period of time, but today was different. "Leave me alone, Helga!" he had yelled, but Helga took it as a challenge to push him more. It seemed the more he deflected her insults, didn't give into her bait, and walked away from her - the more she just wanted to press his little buttons until his head went 'sproing' and she broke him. It was like she couldn't control herself today, unlike any other day.

Why? WHY was today so different? It was like the energy was charged in the air to make people do weird things - and in this case, it was all in preparations for what was about to happen. Fate was about to intervene in the two's case for better or for worse - their lives would never be the same again.

Arnold walked away from Helga as she trailed behind him. He tried his best to ignore her, not looking at her at all. She smirked and folded her arms across her chest, getting in his way. He stopped and looked up at her, tense after a day of confrontations with the willful girl. What did she want from him now?

"What do you want now, Helga?"

"Just had a question to ask, tis all..."

"What? I want to enjoy the rest of my Recess in peace."

Aware that there was an active audience watching them, Helga snuck a smile on her face and shrugged. "It's just a small question, Arnold. You don't have to answer it if you're too chicken to."

Arnold sighed and rolled his eyes, giving in. "What?" Helga grinned as she went in for the kill.

"How long have you been lost?"

"Excuse me-"

"Because I saw a poster this morning from the circus that said 'Lost Freak! Do not return'." Helga laughed brutally as the other kids started laughing too.

Arnold just made a frown, displeased with her and himself for having walked into her trap. "Just leave me alone, Helga," he said and walked away from the laughing kids. This time he made sure she didn't follow him as he delivered a glare. She stopped laughing as soon as everyone was gone.

Helga went into a corner behind a dumpster where she took out her locket and sighed. "Oh my dear sweet beloved. Why must I torment you so? Why can't I be outright with my affections and tell you I am deeply in love with you? How I wish I could tell you how handsome and dashing you look when those locks cornflower colored hair fall onto your face so gracefully. Your ocean green eyes so turbulent and mystifying that I could drown and faint in your arms and stay there forever..." she stopped as soon as she felt hot breathing on her neck and soft wheezing. Helga glared ahead and brought up her hand to hit Brainy again.

**SMACK!**

Brainy fell down, bruised yet strangely happy, and Helga stomped away. She stopped for a moment and leans against a wall as she closed her eyes.

_'I bet your life isn't as easy as mine Arnold. I wish I could be you just for one day to see how it's like to have people like you for once.'_ She frowned as she thought of "home." Half of the time she didn't even feel wanted there, let alone like she was actually part of a family.

"I'd like to be you, Arnold," she said softly as she stared at him from across the playground. "Just for once."

---------------------

"Man, Arnold. Helga has got it_ in_ for you today," Gerald commented as he took a bite into his sandwich as Arnold just shook his head and laid it down on the table.

"I used to think that Helga had something good in her but now I just don't know." Arnold closed his eyes as Gerald kept talking.

"I just don't know why she's so ticked off today. Usually she just bothers you once then that's all until you see each other again. Something bug must've crawled up her butt this morning.." Gerald kept talking as Arnold started to think about it.

He started wondering about how life was for Helga. He knew she was a good person but everytime he tried to get past those walls, she'd angrily shut him out and kick him for it, sometimes literally. He tried so hard with her but it always seemed to backfire in his face. And to be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to keep trying. He didn't know what she had to complain about - after all, she had everything a normal kid could want.

_'She has it so easy. At least she has a real family. A mom, a dad and a sister! I wish I could be her for one day than I could know how it's like to have a real family. Just for once.'_

------------------------

Something happened then as they thought the exact same thing at the exact same time. As if some Great God decided to do mischief or bring these two together as an act of matchmaking. The two nine-year-olds were caught in a black hole as they closed their eyes and thought their wishes.

"I wish I was you," they both thought, closing their eyes.

And that just sealed the deal.

----------------------------

Arnold opened his eyes to see Phoebe talking as she ate her lunch. Arnold turned around and didn't see Gerald in sight.

"Um, Pheobe..where's Gerald? I could of sworn he was here a second ago.." Arnold stopped. This didn't sound like his voice. It almost sounded like-like, Helga's. Naaah. That couldn't be. Could it?

He blinked and yawned, looking at the confused Phoebe.

"Helga, are you okay?"

"Huh? What do you mean, Helga?" He blinked more, unable to keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds.

He felt tired, almost unearthly so. And couldn't help it through his confusion that he slipped into black again.

------------------------

"Hey Arnold! Wake up man! Don't sleep all through lunch!" Helga could faintly hear Gerald's voice and someone shake her.

"I'm fine! Criminey! Can't a person get some shut-eye?" She cracked open her eyes to see Gerald shaking her.

"Get off me, Tall Hair Boy! What's the big idea? Who told you that could touch me, Geraldo?!" She didn't notice that her voice had become more... Arnoldish.

"What? Hey Arnold, you're starting to sound like Helga, man! Watch out or you'll turn out like sourpuss Pataki." Gerald held up his hands and went back to his sandwich. She glared at her through sleepy eyes. How dare he insult her right to her face. _Why I outta_, she thought before stopping her fist from knocking all of Geraldo's teeth out.

Helga stopped dead. She froze as she stared at the ground.

_'He called me... ARNOLD??_' She looked at herself and saw no pink dress, no big white shoes but a teal sweater, a checkered shirt tied around her waist, and black shoes. She looked at her hand to find that it wasn't her hand.

"Oh MY GOD!" She yelled as she felt darkness take it's toll on her.

"Arnold! Arnold! Hey, somebody get the nurse!"

* * *

To Be Continued!

How'd you like the revision? Fixed spelling, some chacterization, added parts to make it more whole. You know, the works. Hopefully it's cleaner than when I first posted it.

By the way, since this was written BEFORE the movie came out, there exists no history of that infamous confession within this story.

-BG


	2. Must, Reach, Toilet

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Must... Reach... Toilet!!**

* * *

"Huh?"A groggy reply came from a disgruntled girl as she got up from a bed.

Bed? What?

Suddenly a face came in front of her and she jumped back in surprised, still taking in all the light. Wow, did she ever have a splitting headache. She touched her forehead and blinked again.

"Young man, are you alright?" Helga realized where she was: the infirmary. It was fairly obvious since Sheena's Aunt was crowding over her.

"Doy, I'm a girl!" Helga mumbled, trying to swipe her away. The nurse pulled back and tsked at her.

"Oh dear. No, honey. You're a boy. Do you know your name?" The nurse took out a thermometer.

"My name is Helga." Helga was quite dazed. She couldn't focus her eyes on anything and almost went back to sleep.

_'I could sure go for some coffee.' _She ruefully thought. A weak smile crept on her face. She almost laughed at her own sarcasm. Almost.

The nurse drew out her words slowly, confused at the boy's words. "No, dearie. You're Arnold." Helga's eyes were almost closed but instantly widened when she heard the word "Arnold."

_'It must have been a dream. I did not just-' _She couldn't even bare to think about it. _'There's no way that could happen though,' _Helga rationalized as she stood up. Or at least tried to.

"I'm sorry, Arnold. But until I take your temperature, I can't let you go." The nurse with the big, red, square glasses forcefully pushed her back into the bed.

_'Wow. Never knew how much muscle that woman has.'_ Helga thought as the nurse stuck the thermometer in her mouth and walked away. Helga chewed thoughtfully on it as she tried to take in her surroundings.

_'But wait ... If I'm Helga in ... in A-arnold's body... then who's in mine?' _A pause before she realized and screamed. The nurse came running back.

"Dear, is everything alright?"

"Y-yeah.. I saw a spider."

"Oh," she seemed relieved and walked away again.

Helga clutched the sheets, nervous to even be alive. She looked up at the ceiling. "If there is a God up there then this better be a nightmare!" She prayed out loud as she laid back. Little did she know how ironic her statement was.

Helga looked over to her side and saw some magazines, trying to get her mind off her troubling - if not impossible - situation. She picked one up randomly then looked at the cover.

_'Ohhh ... it's _Wrestler Today_!'_ Helga plopped on a pillow and started reading her favorite magazine, completely blocking out the crisis that was happening.

-----------------------

"I wonder why exactly Arnold passed out today." Gerald thoughtfully wondered out loud as he sat beside Phoebe outside the Infirmary. "Him and Helga both. Weird."

"Well, considering the hot weather, the fight between the two, and the natural atmospheric pressure -- there has to be a sensible reason for all this." Phoebe said as she flipped through the pages of a magazine.

"You know what really freaked me out today?" Gerald plopped into the chair beside Phoebe. The young genius looked at him curiously, putting down the magazine.

"What Gerald?"

Gerald held his chin in his left hand as he looked up at the ceiling, somewhat interested in the pattern.

"Arnold called me Tall Hair Boy. And Geraldo. He was actin' just like Helga!! I'm tellin' you that he talked like Helga, sounded like Helga." He paused, as if getting a sudden revelation. "Hey! It was almost like they switched places."

Phoebe laughed a little and put her hand on Gerald's shoulder.

"Gerald, you do know that is physically impossible to do that sort of thing. I mean, I'm sure you are the keeper of all those stories, fables and myths, but you don't actually believe in them?" Phoebe focused her glasses and looked at the door of the office, waiting for it to open.

Now that Gerald had mentioned it... Helga HAD been acting awfully unusual before she fainted. Helga was asking where Gerald was and she did look confused right before she fainted.

_'I'm sure there's a logical explanation for that. It could have been just a coincidence.'_ Despite her self-cajoling, she was in the same position Gerald was in. It WAS tremendously odd that the two situations were so alike.

"Phoebe?"

Phoebe snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Gerald.

"One day Phoebe, you're going to realize that some things take faith and trust, and not just logic." With that Gerald turned away to go see Arnold in the next room.

Phoebe smiled, looking after his retreating figure. "Oh Gerald," she said and shook her head, following him.

--------------------------

Arnold awoke to a scream and gasped, shielding his eyes.

The first thing Arnold saw was light all around him. As his eyes readjusted, he realized he was in the Nurse's office, which brought up another question: how did he get here? The last thing he remembered was that he was in some sort of weird vortex thing.

_'Must have been the heat. Or Grandma's tuna casserole last night...'_

Arnold scanned the area. All he saw was a big nurse taking someone's temperature. He couldn't see who, because the light was in his way, but he did have an idea that the person was a guy.

Arnold laid back on the bed. Why the heck was he in here the first place?

Just then the big nurse came around his bed.

"Well, young lady, how are we today?" She smiled a toothy grin and the light reflected off of her glasses. Arnold blinked, squinting at her.

_'Young lady? Do I look like a girl?'_

"Um..excuse me but I'm a boy." Arnold said. The corrected nurse just looked at him confused.

"Goodness, you are just like that young man over there. He thinks that he's a girl. I swear the things that I have to put up with. Now let's just take your temperature Helga, and you can go back to class." She turned around to get her proper medical instruments as Arnold did a double-take.

_'HELGA? Helga PATAKI? I think she must have her wrong glasses. I'm a boy.' _Arnold thought as he bent over to the side and took a mirror. As he reached for it, he considered the far out (if not IMPOSSIBLE) chance of being a girl and rolled his eyes.

_'IF I am a girl, I'm certainly NOT Helga. It'd have to be a pretty sick joke.'_ He almost laughed at the idea of him being mistaken for Helga. His laughing choked in his throat when he got sight of his face being reflected in the mirror.

Arnold took in the reflected two pigtails, goat ears, a pink bow, and finally, one hairy unibrow.

A scream could be heard as pigeons from a nearby lighting post flew away at the sound of it, and in the distance a few car alarms went off.

"Hey Helga! Could ya keep it down?" Gerald halfway asked and halfway demanded. Arnold ran to his friend and grabbed him by the collar.

"Gerald! Thank God!"

Gerald looked grossed out at his touchy-feely-ness. "Hey, hey, hands off the merchandise, Pataki."

"PATAKI? No! Gerald, Gerald!" Gerald started to move away as Arnold got more desperate, "Wait! Yougottahelpmeiswitchedplaceswithhelgai'mhelgai'magirl!!" Arnold hyperventilated, causing the words to become a verbal blur. Gerald took Helga (Arnold), uncertainly by the shoulder to her bed.

"Um, Helga, look... I can't understand what you just said but I think you should rest and keep it down. My man Arnold is sleepin' and I don't want YOU," he poked Arnold in the chest, "to wake him up."

With that Gerald left Arnold on the floor, and went to see his friend. Phoebe took this moment to step in and quietly drag Arnold back to his bed and tuck him in.

Arnold grabbed his head as it throbbed. Oh, he was so CONFUSED. How-what-when... the questions blurred together as he attempted to figure out what was going on.

On top of that, his best friend didn't believe it was him. And actually was sort of.. mean. Hmm. Is this how he is all the time to Helga?

_'Okay. So Gerald and the Nurse don't believe that I'm actually Arnold. So if I'm in Helga's body, then who's in mine?'_ He questioned silently as he sat down on the bed to think (because folks, he actually had to think about it), blissfully unaware of Phoebe by his side.

----------------

"Hey Arnold!" Gerald greeted his long time friend. Helga just continued reading "Wrestler Today". Gerald cleared his throat and sat on his friend's cot.

_'He must have not heard me.'_ Gerald concluded as he continued to talk.

"You know as soon as you blacked out, I took you to the nurse's office. Hahahaha. You should have seen it man!" Gerald laughed as he clutched his sides and tried to brace himself not to fall on the floor.

Helga arched her eyebrows at him. What the heck was he talking about? Oh. That's right. She's Arnold now. She let a small sly smile reach her (er, Arnold's face) and sighed happily, unbeknowst to Gerald.

Gerald noticed the expression on Arnold's face, so he decided to explain.

"Well, the nurse didn't see this wax on the floor that the Janitor missed. And, man oh man was it a funny sight to see! The nurse first saw two unconscious kids she ran the whole way across the room and she slipped on the wax and slid on her belly all around like a crazy person!" He stopped to laugh some more.

Helga started to smile, imagining the burly red glassed nurse sliding all over the room on her belly.

"You're right, Geraldo! That IS funny." She laughed as hard as him that he didn't even notice the nickname.

"And you know what, Arnold?" Gerald started chuckling.

"What?" Helga was too busy laughing with Gerald too even notice that she had to do something urgent.

"Helga said that she was you!! Isn't that funny?!" Gerald laughed but Helga only gave a weak forced giggle.

"Right. Hilarious."

There was a silence between them for what seemed like an eternity. A few dustbunnies blew across the floor in the background.

Suddenly, Helga broke the silence by saying something that wasn't very well expected.

"I gotta go!" And ran the whole way. From the way she was holding her crotch Gerald understood. He called to her even though she wasn't listening all way.

"Take your time man. Take your time!" He chuckled a bit before eyeing the magazine Helga was reading.

_'Oohhhh.. _Wrestler Today_! My favorite!'_

-------------------------------

"So...This is what it's like to be Helga. Huh. I would have thought it would be more tougher." He thought out loud. He didn't really mind that Phoebe was next to him. Right after Gerald left him, Phoebe came to cheer him up. Of course, she wasn't anything like Gerald but it was better to have company than no company at all.

Even though Phoebe was right next to him, she didn't listen to one word he said, because it looked like she was too enraptured in her book. Also there was this other glint in her eyes whenever he saw her stealing glances outside the door for someone.

Arnold sighed and gave up on his thoughts about that and put his mind into more useful ways.

Okay. **Number one:** Find out how the heck he landed in Helga's body.

**Number two: **And why bodyswitch with someone that hates you like spit on dog dirt surrounded by flies and vultures.

**Number three:** ... find out how to get BACK into original body.

**Number four:** is this a dream?

Speaking of number one, suddenly he had a strange sensation.

_'Oh no! I gotta go!' _He got out of the cot quietly and raced to the nearest bathroom entering the one marked 'Boys'.

Phoebe did not notice at all.

----------------------------

"Ok, Helga. Don't panic. You've seen Arnold's-uh, thing..like one time. Criminy, what's the worst it can be?" She whispered confidently yet underneath it all, she was trembling. She looked down at Arnold's pants. She undid the sweater wrapped around the jeans but she had a bit of trouble, uh to say the least.

But the real challenge was ... how to tinkle.

Sure, she accidentally stepped in on Bob when he was going to do number one but only for a second after he ran after her yelling. After that she forgot how guys go bathroom. Do they squat or something?

"Okay Helga, old girl! You can do it! Just don't look down." She obeyed her words as she undid the zipper and well-you know the rest and I won't get into the details, people.

It was quite harder than expected to say the very least. Helga fell almost five times before she roughly took off her pants and did it the best she could.

'That wasn't so hard.' Helga nearly laughed at how she was afraid of something that was so simple. She flushed and stepped out of the stall with a confident grin on her face. 'Helga G. Pataki conquers one more thing.'

While she was patting herself on the back on doing something no normal girl could do, Helga heard a shriek behind her.

She turned around and there was a young nurse, not like the burly one, but much smaller and feminine.

Helga realized she went into the Girl's bathroom and forgot that she was, ahem, in a boy's body at the moment.

She sped out the door like her very life depended on it and rushed into Boys' Bathroom.

_'Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!'_ She hit her forehead mentally as she repeated the mantra on how idiotic she was.

---------------------------

"Woah, boy." Arnold stopped and saw his reflection once again in the mirror. Again he saw Helga staring right back at him. Arnold sighed and went to the nearest toilet.

When he got there... he realized there were-uh-slight problems he needed to work around.

_'Dang it! I forgot I'm in a girl's body...and in a BOY'S bathroom.'_ He looked around and nearly fell trying to sprint to the door on some hot wax. The Janitor had struck again.

_'This is just not my day.'_ Arnold thought, nearly laughing at the irony. He was beginning to sound like Helga.

Getting up, he dusted himself off and began to walk when he was slammed onto the floor by an unknown assailant.

**BAM!**

"Oww.. Criminy! I just have to keep running into people!" A flustered voice said.

"I was right. This isn't my day." Arnold said at the same time.

He looked up and saw a pair of ocean green eyes stare into his. Wait a tick, GREEN EYES?

He blinked. Was it him or was he seeing him?

"Arnold?" The other Arnold asked, looking hopeful.

Arnold didn't know how to answer but he just went right for the money.

"Who are you?" Getting up and dusting himself again, then helping up the other Arnold.

"Arnold? Is it really you? It's me, Helga!" Helga identified herself as an Arnold look alike.

"Wow, so I'm NOT crazy."

Helga began to babble on and on how she didn't know how this happened.

"This is crazy, this is, this is AMAZING.. but HORRIBLE. I don't want to be stuck in YOUR body, Football Head." She saved herself from that 'amazing' part by acting as if this was the worst thing possible. And for Arnold, it indeed was.

"You think I want to be in YOUR body?" He bit back and regretted it. Helga looked sad in his body when he said that. He felt so tired, so under pressure, and this was so-so weird. He had to PEE like a girl. In fact, he STILL didn't get to go. Absently holding his (her) crotch, he moaned.

"Hey, hey, watch the hands, freak," she warned, but was secretly overjoyed. 'Oh my love god, wander your hands everywhere you like!' Inwardly sighing with adoration, she pushed back the earlier feeling of hurt from his comment a few seconds ago.

"Sorry. This is... all too weird for me. I still think this is a dream."

"Believe me, bucko, this ain't no dream. If it was, it'd be a nightmare."

"Ugh, hold on," he couldn't hold it in and ran into the few stalls there were in the boys' bathroom. Helga arched an eyebrow before turning away embarrassed. Arnold wasn't much better.

"HOW DO YOU DO THIS?" He yelled, at his limits. And Arnold at his limits was NOT to be messed with.

"Just, er, sit down," Helga herself was embarrassed as to how to explain HOW girls go to the bathroom.

Arnold wanted to relieve himself (herself, he had to get used to that) but he was torn by modesty for himself and respect for Helga (what little he had). He would have to hike up the dress and pull down the undergarments to sit down on the toilet but his hands hesitated. He didn't want to. This was the worst. And he held it in until he closed his eyes and went for it.

**SPLASH.**

He hated life. He really, really, REALLY hated life.

"What was that?" Helga asked from outside the stall. He was surprised she was still there.

"Uhhh... nothing?" He didn't want to admit that he overlooked that he had to put the seat DOWN. _'So THAT'S why Mrs. Kakoshka always yells at Oscar,' _he noticed weakly. Getting up, his entire behind soaked, he lifted down the seat and proceeded to do business, making sure to keep his eyes to the ceiling.

Flushing, he sighed, now much calmer than before. Wandering out of the stall, a curious himself watched him.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing," she looked away, hiding a smile under her scowl.

"So what should we do? How did this happen?"

"I don't know, Football Head! Do I LOOK like I've got All-Knowing-Encylopedia on my forehead?"

"Ugh, forget I asked." He looked into the mirror and groaned. Him as Helga. He remembered all the bullying over the years and suddenly got annoyed at the whole ordeal that he was forced to go through.

Helga looked at him and then at her (his) reflection and flinched. A scowl on Arnold's lips did not belong there. Forcing a smile, she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Look... I've got an idea." Her heart about broke when she saw the despair written on the face across from her.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"What's the plan?" Arnold sighed. Honestly, he was expecting cruel remarks or at least some sarcasm, let alone a REAL plan.

"Well," she said slowly. "We can pretend to be each other until we figure out how to switch back. You know, me being you and you being me. It won't be that hard." Helga simplified as she looked deep into her reflection. Correction: Arnold's reflection.

"Easy for you to say!" Getting a bit agitated with the situation, Arnold didn't have a choice but be sarcastic and a wise guy.

"See? You're acting JUST like me!" Helga smiled then frowned on the inside.

_'I don't want him to be just like me! I want him to stay the way he is. Oh, my Greek Adonis. One day you'll love me back. Well, at least once after we switch back.' _Instinctively she reached for the locket, momentarily forgetting that she was in ARNOLD'S body.

When she didn't feel the locket there she looked down and remembered that she didn't have the locket but ARNOLD did.

"Dang it!" She said out loud not really knowing that she startled Arnold. He immediately looked concerned, for Helga mostly.

"What's the matter, Helga?"

Helga turning around, realizing that she spoke a little too loud for her liking.

"Uh- nothing." She then prayed to the God who lived up in Heaven to please have mercy on her and let Arnold not discover her statue of him, his used bubblegum that she collected, the pink diary collection, and most importantly...the thousands of flash screens she took of him.

Unfortunately, God would have none of that.

* * *

To Be Continued!

Above is a revised confrontation between Helga and Arnold in the bathroom, as well as a few other goodies. Those that read before and remember (kudos if you do, it was written a LONG time ago), the bathroom scene was really muddy and rushed. This time around I fixed it so that it seemed more in-character and drawn out.

Hope you enjoyed!

-BG


	3. Chill out, Dad!

**Hey! Let's Switch Turns!**

**Chill out Dad...It's like, only a switch**

* * *

Sigh. This was the Holy sound that came out of God's mouth._ 'This matchmakin' stuff was alot harder than the book made it out to be!' _God looked at His giant-sized _A Dummy's Guide to Matchmaking_ with disdain.

In the background, Jesus was meditating to a couple of His groovy CDs. In other words, or shall I say His words, it was like, totally mellow.

"Hey Pops! How's it going with the matchmakin' there?" Jesus said as He moved His head the the groove. _'Go Jesus! Go Jesus!' _He scratched himself on the chest where he was wearing, "I'm a lover not a fighter, as says in Psalms!" t-shirt with no stains whatsoever on it. When you're in Heaven, EVERYTHING is perfect.

"It's not going so fine... Helga just prayed to Me now that Arnold wouldn't discover any of her possessions Helga made from her obsession with him. Looks like they're going to be switched alot longer than the schedule I made." God sighed once more as He walked over to His throne, pulling out the schedule - by his previous calculations, they should've already been in LOVE already... or at least, "like like" stage. Honestly, why did he ever try to matchmake? All it did was end in sadness. Adam and Eve, Jacob and Rachel, Sunny and Cher... what? He COULD matchmake outside the Bible.

Jesus seemed symphathetic towards His Father. His ole' Pops was doing overtime on this matchmakin' thing.

"Don't worry Dad. Jus' chilll out.. listen to some groovy tunes. Don't, like, freak out on this matchmakin' thing.." He got up from his yoga stance. "I'm, like, going to go visit The King.. I hear he and the Aliens came from one of Saturn's moons and they helped him get back on his groove." Jesus floated over to where Elvis was singing and the aliens were his band.

God shook His head as He watched His son float away. Honestly... you'd think after a millenia, He'd learn responsibility!

At first He'd expected His son to be footloose and fancy free. He was like_ 'Woah, like John, like, wanna spread like, Christianity with like, me?'_ There were so many likes, God thought His head would spin. Thank Himself that John and all the other followers narrowed it down in The Bible.

_'But enough of My Son.'_ God turned down to the couple below and sighed. _'The REAL problem is this Helga and Arnold. Everything else was easy compared to these two. This Helga, she's a tough one.'_ He considered Arnold: kind, compassionate, understanding...a little dense on the side but then EVERYONE down there has faults and flaws (but not God.)

_'It's going to be hard bringing those two together...why did I ever accept Venus's challenge to matchmake?' _God knew very well that Venus never challenged Him. It was a poker deal and God would have won (like He always did!) but Venus had been practicing on her poker face for what, like ten hundred years, and had finally mastered the art of Li Hwin Poker Face, and had beat Him.

She gave Him the 'small, ever so delightful couple', as in her words, to matchmake. And God thought, 'Sure...piece of cake!' After a few crises, it fell on the top of His to-do list. But when He finally tried to.. (like when Arnold and Helga were in the second grade, He shuddered at the memory) it didn't seem likely to happen.

Venus had first started and Fate gave a hand too, so did Destiny and all those other love gods, INCLUDING Cupid, but nothing seemed to happen so they all gave their task to God, all laughing and wondering at the same time if He had what it took to matchmake them, when all of the others couldn't!

Of course, he was the laughingstock when it came to the love-game due to his previous failures. Venus even boldly laughed in His face. "I'd like to see YOU pull this off," she had said.

God grumbled. Stupid Venus and her damn poker face. He'd show her.

He cracked His knuckles, and stretched, turning back to the problem.

So now here He was, watching these nine-year olds trying to figure out what to do, when HE was trying to figure out what to do.

Boy... this was ever going to be a loooong eternity for God.

* * *

To Be Continued!

Sorry it was so short but I'm getting ready for school so I thought I'd let YOU stress it out! Just kidding, LOL! But soon, IF I find the time, I'll write you a LOOONG chapter with fluffy romance, ooh's and ah's, comedy with spice, and something at the end that's very nice. Enjoy!!!!!

Hope you liked the revised version of this. I fixed the spelling, added a few additional parts, made it a bit better.

-BG


	4. Brainy's Trouble and Musical Boarding Ho...

Disclaimer: Do not own Hey Arnold! or cast, but do own plot, idea, and original comedy.

**Hey! Let's Switch Turns!**

**Brainy's Trouble and Musical Boarding House Fever**

* * *

A dark and creepy shadowy lookin' figure watched as Helga and Arnold depart from the bus and go separate ways. He wheezed before thinking.

Who should he follow?

He knew somehow, in his creepy stalker instincts, that what looked like Helga wasn't Helga, but what looked like Arnold was actually Helga, but it somehow didn't feel right to be stalking what looked like Arnold after stalking Helga for so long ... it was enough to make your head spin.

Thankfully, Brainy could handle it because he was an expert at knowing what to do in a crisis as tense as this.

He saw on the playground what happened. Could he be the one that caused it?

No...

Someone higher than he was involved, and with good reasons. Even though he liked Helga, he knew the Fates were against him. He knew that because he spent summer vacation with them once. Brainy rolled his eyes. Just because he squirted them with his watergun does not mean they could hold a petty grudge against him.

Now you're wondering, "What kind of weirdo kid is he?" Well better not say that in his face otherwise you'll be answering to Zeus.

Brainy is in fact one of the fabled Greek/Roman Gods you hear about in history. Son of Mars and a human woman, bestowed with the gifts of intelligent of Apollo and hunting skills by Diana, he was definitely a respected demi-God.

Focusing his mind, trying to find Helga's energy, he immediately went in the direction of Arnold's house, wheezing all the way.

----------------------------------------

It was soon dinnertime, and to Helga's curiosity, she found out that Arnold has to ring the gong for the residents to stop arguing and eat!

Without giving herself away, she began to familiarize herself with this particular group. She watched all the borders gather for dinner, and got a sense for their personalities, though some were weirder than others.

Mr. Kokoshka kept trying to con her into doing something and had this really strange laugh. Mrs. Kokashka, or Suzie as she corrected Helga, was really nice. Helga couldn't have imagined how Oskar and Suzie could have gotten together.

_'Probably a blind date gone bad..' _She thought. She looked over the other tenents. Besides Arnold's Grandpa and Grandma, there were a few she was unfamiliar with. Mr. Hyunh, as Helga found out, was a modest and kind man yet a little eccentric when excited. Ernie, a short and burly demolisher, was probably the most liked by Helga's standards. Maybe it was because he kept talking about demolishing and destroying; it almost made Helga want to become a demolisher!!

"So, Arnold, I heard you were sick?" Oskar asked as he tried to switch glasses with Arnold's Grandpa without him looking.

"Well, you know. probably a bug or something." Helga answered with a fake cough. She kept an eye open to watch Grandpa's expression.

"Oh really..." Phil looked suspiciously at Arnold (Helga). He had a hunch something was going on and no one pulled the wool over Phil's eyes. No sirree.

Helga looked uncomfortable and shifted in her chair. "Yeah, Grandpa." Nervously smiling she looked at her bright white plate.

Grandpa would have questioned Helga some more to her dismay, but thankfully Grandma came to the rescue.

Grandma came out in a sparkly suit, sorta looking like a short tuxedo.

"It's time for Hollywood! Everything in Hollywood. Where the bright light fixtures and fireworks and motion pictures toooo lifee! Yes, it's time ... for ... Hooolllywooodd!!!" Grandma took off her top hat and sang to the top of her vocal cords. Helga sat back seeming amazed a woman of that age can dance AND sing that good.

_'It just gets weirder....'_ She thought. Unfortunately the dinner show was not finished yet.

Grandpa slapped his head with his hand. "Pookie, not again. Is it that time already?" He muttered.

Grandma didn't pay any attention but tore off her sparkly suit to have bell bottom jeans and a sort of sparkly shirt show off. Disco music suddenly played in the background. Strutting her stuff, Grandma did the hustle, the spin, and the monkey.

"Well she's a brick... house. She's mighty, mighty, she's lettin all hell break loose. Ah, she's a brick... house.." Grandma sang at the top of her lungs, as she nodded to the song. Suddenly the lights went out and a big spotlight came out of nowhere and unto Grandma, who was still singing.

Helga gaped. She had an idea that Arnold's extended family was weird, but no idea HOW weird. She looked to see the boarders acting as if this were a regular day, yet clapped in rythym of the song.

"Come on up, Kimba!" Grandma invited as she pulled Helga up and they danced. Suddenly the music changed to a funkier beat.

"Everybody go to the Y-M-C-A. Y-M-C-A! There we can go to party, party, parrrttyyy! Y-M-C-A!!"

The boarders and Helga clapped, cheering for more, but before anyone (or at least Helga) knew it the lights were on and Grandma was in her usual pea-green dress and white apron with a platter of food.

Helga stared dumbfounded and found the other boarders sitting down talking politely as if nothing had happened. Grandma served the food, and Helga sat down still a little shocked.

_'Wait a minute.. did that really happened?'_ Helga looked around skeptically, trying to find out what exactly went on.

_'Better keep on my toes, I guess.'_ Helga made a note to herself, that if Arnold's Grandma should act like that again, she should leave the room quietly and calmly.

----------------------

Brainy was wheezing more than ever after witnessing the spectacle that went on in the Sunset Arms. All he could think was, _'Woah.. Helga can sure dance..' _He blinked and began to leave.

_'Too bad she wasn't in her own body, otherwise I would have enjoyed it more..' _Brainy thought as he watched the stunned Helga eat her food, probably wondering why no one was acting like nothing could happen.

_'Helga, if only you knew..'_ Brainy forced himself to quiet down on his wheezing as he disappeared into the shadows again.

---------------------

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Arnold looked nervously at the floor. It was a nice blue color, with specks of brown every now and then in each sqaure inch, always different from-

Arnold forced himself not to think of the carpet, and looked at the clock. It was driving him crazy. This silence made him crazy. The way he kept thinking of the carpet made him crazy.

Tearing his eyes away from the antique grandfather clock to look at "his" parents. Arnold was ecstatic. He had parents.. for once. But the problem was they didn't pay much attention to him.. er, her.

"Soo.. Dad.. how was your day?" Arnold tried to make conversation. Spoons clattered again the dishes as Bob and Miriam looked at Arnold in shock.

After a few minutes the silence continued.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Miriam asked, a bit slurred after a couple of smoothies. Even though she was a little dazed, she knew that Helga never said DAD to BOB, and Helga never asked anyone about their day.

"..Fine," Arnold said, looking a bit perturbed at the inquiry. Big Bob harrumphed and started to cut up his meal.

" My day was fine, Olga.." Bob gruffily said, as he went back to his steak.

Arnold looked at him then back to the steak then to "his" mom, who was still looking at him weirdly like he was alien.

"And how was yours, Mom?" Man, that felt good to say Mom and Dad to 'your' parents, but somehow it didn't fit them. Shrugging it off, he listened intently to 'his' mother's answer.

"Er, fine, Helga. Are you sure you're alright?" She asked again. This couldn't be Helga. It was just not possible.

"Yes, Mom! Of course, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I love you!" Arnold smiled crookedly, which caused Miriam to faint.

Arnold widened his eyes as he saw 'his' mom faint dead away to the ground, and 'his' father looked at him weirdly like Miriam had before Arnold blurted out, "What? All I said was 'I love you'. What's wrong with her, Dad?" Arnold asked as he looked gently at 'his' mom, before he felt a hard thud vibrated along the floor.

Groaning, he looked behind him and saw 'his' father unconscious as well. Rolling his eyes, he had no choice but to drag them to the couch. What a family night this was. Maybe they weren't use to Helga being nice.

_'Well,'_ Arnold thought with a cheery smile, _'That's all about to change.'_ So for the rest of the night Arnold tended to 'his' mom and dad until they woke up.

A few hours later, he noticed that Bob was moving like he was in a nightmare. "Noo.. keep the beepers away... ahhh! Pink rats please keep the beepers away!" Bob screamed as he thrashed about. "Football players heed to me! I am the Beeper King! Take the traitors away!"

Arnold looked at Bob, feeling nervous. Football players, Beeper Kings, pink rats?

"Bwahahahaha! Take that rabbit eared monster away to the dungeon of the realm of the Sugary Pink people!" Arnold heard Bob laugh diabolically.

Arnold sat back in his chair as he watched Bob in his nightmare/freaky dream and Miriam in blessed silence. This was going to be a looooooooooooooong night...

* * *

To Be Continued!

Yes I know I'm evil to end there, but be lucky I decided to update and write the rest of this chapter! Bwahahahahaha! Til next time!

-Bunni

Oh and don't forget to review my friends! I loved your reviews from last time! Keep 'em comin up! Hehe!


	5. The Looooooooooonnggg Night

Disclaimer: Do not own Hey Arnold, any or all song lyrics that may be mentioned.

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**The Looooooooooonnggg Night**

* * *

Helga stared at the offending articles of clothing.

Sure, she could deal with pajamas, and any other things boys wore to sleep. It's just that she had to change her underwear. Fighting the blush she looked again to the teddy bear PJ's. Oy vey. Why must things be so hard?

_'I can deal with this, I can deal with this, I can deal with this....' _Was Helga's mantra as she looked at the underwear and pajamas.. _'Oh who am I kidding? I can't deal with this, let alone do it!' _She growled in frustration. She sat down in a chair and tapped her toe as she stared at the problem.

Growling more, she took off the teal sweater and then plaid shirt and tossed it aside, and removed the shoes and socks. She crossed her arms across her bare chest. All was left was the jeans..

It was ironic because this is what Helga wanted for so long. But it was no fun if Arnold himself wasn't here and she wasn't in her own body. And of course, the fact that she was still nine and didn't really know what came after first base.

_'Okay, Helga ole girl... just remember the bathroom incident. You can do this ... you can do this .. I think.' _Helga gulped. She looked down and closed her eyes tightly as she groped for the zipper. _'Oh boy.. This is not how I imagined spending my weekend..'_

-----------------

Arnold sighed tiredly as he messaged his temples. This was not going to be a good night for him.

Bob and Miriam were still unconscious, and Bob's disturbing dreams were beginning to frighten Arnold out of his wits. Finally, Bob quieted down but kept mumbling something about, "Bunnies invasion.."

'This was not how I imagined spending my weekend..' He though he heard Helga say exhausted. His head snapped up as he heard it. Had he heard that? Or was he going insane?

'I must be going insane..' He concluded choosing the latter choice. There was no way he could've have heard Helga, and if he did, he couldn't argue with what she thought. It wasn't how he imagined spending his weekend either.

Sighing, he got up, leaving behind Bob and Miriam and flicked off the lights. Maybe if he got some sleep, then he'd feel better.

-----------------------

God looked from Helga to Arnold, still chuckling.

Helga was having issues with putting on boys' underwear and Arnold was experiencing the bond. God regarded this closely. He hadn't expected the bond between Helga and Arnold to develop so quickly, but hey when you're destined to be together, it's bond to happen sooner or later. God laughed at the pun just He made.

Jesus looked at His Father with curious eyes. What was so funny?

God ignored His Son's look and went back to spying.. erm looking at the two destined couple. 'Maybe after this fiasco, I can bring that Helga's friend and that boy that Arnold hangs around so much together. They seem to be destined too.' God then looked closely at something below.

_'Oh no. It's him. He better have not any plans on ruining this. I worked too hard!' _God grumbled mentally as He narrowed his eyes at the dark figure below crouching the in the ally near the boarding house.

--------------------------

"Yup. I can do this. Just keep my eyes closed.." Helga whispered as she kept her eyes closed tightly. It had taken her a couple of tries, but she found the zipper. She took off her jeans with some great difficulty, with her eyes being closed and all, and fell down a few times._ 'Oy vey..'_

When she finally took off her jeans she hesitantly opened one of her eyes. And then she gulped. 'I'm in Arnold's underwear ...' Helga thought, feeling red in the face. It didn't sound right when she said it like that.

Gulping loudly, she practically ripped it off her, again keeping her eyes shut.

Very. Tightly. Shut.

_'I don't wanna see IT .. I don't wanna see IT .... I don't wanna see IT..' _Helga repeated in her mind as she blindly grabbed out for some underwear and pulled it on. She then put on the pajama pants, and pulled her eyes open.

_'That wasn't as bad as I thought! Hmm, I shouldn't be so worried all the time. I mean it's not as if God's out to get me or something.' _Helga chuckled and sighed pulling on the pajama shirt and setting the alarm clock almost as if habit.

_'When did I start doing that? Must be something Arnold does ... Arnold ... hmm. I wonder what he's doing..' _Helga wondered as she flopped on the bed, smelling Arnold's shampoo smell ingrained in the pillow.

_'That football head better not be reading my pink books,' _and with that thought Helga realized exactly what was at stake. _'And what about my locket? And the shrine?'_ Helga mentally screamed as she panicked and got up and paced on the floor. Oh boy, things went by so fast she completely forgot about that!

'_But ... but Arnold would respect my privacy wouldn't he? I mean he's ARNOLD! He wouldn't snoop around no matter how curious he is. He's just not that kind of person.' _Helga sighed as she rationalized. No, Arnold wasn't that kind of guy-thankfully.

"Chill out, Pataki," she said to herself and then her look hardened as she slammed her fists together. "If that maroon knows what's good for him, he better not be going into my room."

-------------------

Arnold stared at Helga's door for what seemed like the longest time. What was wrong with him? He'd been in Helga's room before. But then again that was WITH Helga. This would be.. alone.

_'But why should I be afraid of that? Other than the fact that I've only been in Helga's room about two or three times, and the fact that she threatened me not to go through her stuff or touch her stuff or breath on her stuff.' _Arnold looked up at the ceiling. _'Maybe I should just stay in a spare room tonight,'_ Arnold thought as he looked down the hall to Olga's room. Then he looked at Helga's door again. **No, Helga's dad and mom might get suspicious**, a voice inside of him whispered.

_'Huh? Yeah, they might get suspicious..' _Arnold echoed the voice in his mind as he looked down the stairs, comforted by the loud snoring.

Then again would they even notice? They seemed to act kinda strange at dinner. Weren't they used to be called mom and dad?

_'Probably just a little shell-shocked. They'll be all right in the morning. I hope,'_ Arnold thought grimly as he reached for the doorknob to Helga's room.

Helga's room. The 4th grade bully that called him football head for so long since they had known each other in preschool, now... now they had somehow (though Arnold wasn't really too clear on the cause) switched bodies at lunch today, and devised a somewhat make-shift plan to pretend to be each other in their respective families until they can find out how to fix each other. This strangely resembled the movie, "Freaky Friday".

Arnold opened the door and let it slowly swing to one side of the darkened room. He felt around for the light switch and clicked it out, uneasily slipping into his torturer's bedroom, the sanctuary of her most intimate thoughts. For someone so tough, she sure did like pink enough to decorate her entire room with it.

_'I guess she must really like pink. After all, she DOES wear the same pink dress and pink bow everyday..' _Arnold rationalized to himself. He stepped inside, looking around once more.

_'Ok.. So what do I do now?' _Arnold thought as he sat on the bed. He looked down at his dress, then to the time. It was 10:28 P.M. 'It's really past my bed time.' He tested the bed's springiness and looked around, wondering what to do.

_'I wonder how Helga is doing. Probably having the same trouble I am,'_ he thought. _'I hope Grandpa and the borders don't get suspicious...'_

He went to the drawers, mindful to keep his eyes closed, and refrain from blushing at certain garments. Fishing around blindly, Arnold finally pulled out a cute pair of pink pajamas.

Without much grace and several minutes of anxiety, Arnold finally got the pajamas on._ 'I don't know how much longer I can do this with my eyes closed.'_ Unbeknownst to him, the locket was still in the dress he took off, having slipped his notice.

Walking towards the bed, he stopped. Almost automatically he reached out for something. He looked down and saw it was a chewed up pencil and a ...LITTLE PINK BOOK?!

He arched his eyebrow and thought carefully. Where had he seen this type of book before?

The answer couldn't come to him immediately and he shook it off, tossing the book to the side and automatically clapping for the lights to turn off.

Sounds of light snoring came afterwards.

-----------------------------

Brainy wheezed as he disappeared into a portal. Yes, he would be back soon. In the mean time, he would visit Venus. She'd know what to do in this situation.

* * *

To Be Continued!

Um, yeah it's not as funny as I wanted it to be, but the next chapter will be better! I loved EVERYONE'S reviews, (which were fantastic by the way) and I reeeeeeeaaaaaaaallly like it if you'd review again!! *sniff* please?


	6. Advice For Brainy

Disclaimer: I do not own Venus, Hey Arnold! or any of the characters, even the ones I take liberty with.

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Advice For Brainy**

* * *

"Dum, dum, de dum.." A golden-haired woman, no Goddess, hummed a little tune as she polished her mirror, then smirked at her reflection. "I am postively beautiful.." She murmured, then gasped looking close at her reflection.

"Is that.. a wrinkle?!" She yelled, making the mirror split in two.

The goddesses around her winced, covering their ears, yet at the same time rolling their eyes. Venus always did this daily every start of the day. She'd wake up, demand Ambrosia and heavenly fruits with bread and honey, call up mortals and hang up on them (just as a joke, which Venus found funny), then polish her prized mirror and find some nonexistant flaw in her porclain beauty. She'd probably rant and rave for three hours before settling down and going to her business and matchmaking and making fun of mortals (again, she loved doing it).

"Venus, Venus, Venus.. You should know better than to let your imagination get the better of you." A beautiful, rather sensual, but young male voice came behind a marble statue. Venus immediately stopped her ranting, and looked in the direction of the male's voice.

"My dear nephew, is that really you?" Venus cried happily, as she picked up herself from her throne and walked over to the shadow. Brainy stepped out, grinning.

"Yes, Aunt Venus. It is me, your dear nephew, Brainus."

"Ah, Brainus, how long has it been? Last time I saw you, you were only a child."

"I think it was about probably three, maybe five, hundred years back. When I was still eight." Brainus smiled, his form changed from his mortal body to his God-body. Brainy smoothed his moppy black hair back and wiped off his black jeans. Taking off his glasses, he put them in a sub-space compartment, and smiled his pearly whites. Going to his Aunt, he embraced her and sat indian-style on a poofy pillow beside a brown-haired Goddess who fluttered her eyes at him, ready to cling to his tan arm.

"What brings you here, my nephew?" Venus asked as she signaled for a random Goddess to bring them some refreshments. "You never come unless it's a special occasion," she added coyly, as if knowing why he was here.

"About a girl.. and a boy.. and me.." Brainus needn't say anymore. Venus smiled gently.

"Let me guess. You love the girl yet the girl is in love with the boy and the boy has no clue, and you are extremely confused, but can't do anything to win her affections because you automatically get nervous and in your mortal form you start wheezing and she ends up hitting you." Venus quietly said as she motioned for the brown-haired Goddess to fill their silver chalices with the sweet Ambrosia.

Brainus was stunned. "Y-yes, that's exactly it! You got everything right! How did you-"

"Lucky guess." Venus shrugged. Brainus stared at her with wide eyes. How the-.. it was just to hard to figure out his aunt out. It was like trying to find out why his father did the chicken dance at ballroom dances.

"Aunt Venus, what do you think I should do?"

"Before I give you any advice, tell me their names."

Brainus seemed relunctant when she said that. "The girl that I love is Helga G. Pataki. And the boy is Arnold."

"..And did you know already that this Helga and Arnold are destined for eachother?"

"Yes, yes I did. That is why I am so conflicted. I mean, I love her yet I shall never have her. Why have the Gods cursed me so?" Brainus sighed as he sipped his Ambrosia.

"My dear Brainus. Heartbreak can be a horrible thing to mortal and god alike. You shall find another, this I am sure." Venus gave a mischievious smile. Brainus looked at her curiously, knowing that she predicted everyone's soulmate.

Usually it took over hundred lifetimes and reincarnations just to FIND your soulmate for mortals. For Gods, it was different. You still had to wait, and everything, yet you had a clue to who your soul mate was.

Gods usually didn't want a soul mate, because they liked to have multiple partners (most of them were polymists). In fact, Brainus was a result of a one-night stand from his father Mars, and a mortal named Sarah sometime in the 2nd century. Now as a demi-God, he was just invited to summer BBQs, family reunions (which were always weird in his opinion), and whenever there was a particular important family meeting.

For Brainus, however, was half mortal, therefore entitled to a soul mate. When he inquired after the identity of his soul mate, the Fates merely claimed that part of his future was clouded, leading to his frustration with Helga. What if they were destined to be together instead?

Brainus arched an eyebrow, "What have you got planned, dear auntie?"

"Oh nothing, dear Brainus. Now, about that Helga and Arnold. Did you know how long it's been taking me for them to get them together? I was afraid I was going to get a wrinkle after all that time! I finally had to dump the job on Yahweh." She gave a laugh, musical to everyone's ears.

"You mean, the Mortals' Yahweh?"

"Ah, yes. I won a poker game you see, and the Yahweh lost. Poor fellow didn't know what he was in for. In fact, I think the Lord had to order "A Dummy's Guide to Matchmaking" just to have the right clue on it." She began to giggle. "You know how His matchmaking always ends in disaster..." Venus shook her head, recalling Adam and Eve, and that other couple that God had experimented on outside the Bible. What was it? Romeo and Juliet? Ah, yes that was it. Such a tragic ending for a destined couple. Matchmaking was the one thing God couldn't do right.

"Really?" Brainus asked, knowing all about the god's past matchmaking 'oops'.

"Yes, in fact just to help him, I'm sending a Muse down there to help get the mission right. You know how that Lila girl is always interrupting those moments between Arnold and Helga. Not that Helga helps either."

Brainus nodded. "Which Muse?"

"My best one. The Muse of Romance. I think together with Yahweh's new blood thinking and my experience, we can finally crack the age old problem." Venus grinned, but stopped as soon as she heard a protest from behind her.

A girl, undoubtedly a Muse, walked up bravely to Venus, clad in a light chiffony pink dress that clinged to her figure. She had bright pink hair, with streaks of red through it, and dazzling blue eyes.

"I am sorry my Goddess, but I can't do it. In about three minutes I'm about to go on vacation, after a six hundred years of tiring work." The Muse of Romance sighed, and rubbed her hands tenderly. Venus turned crestfallen.

"Awww... Then who's gonna do the job?! This is a disaster! This is-..simply horrible!" Venus ranted, as she combed through her hair absently.

The Helga and Arnold situation was well-known all over Olympus, since Venus and the other love-gods couldn't bring together. To go on that mission to bring together would mean you'd have to be either very good, very lucky on the long-shot, or just plain suicidal, since it nearly drove some of the other love-gods mad because Arnold couldn't get it through his head that he liked Helga and that Helga would never confess her love to Arnold.

"Might I give a suggestion, my Goddess? There is one Muse who hasn't tried with Arnold and Helga.. and I'd say she'd be perfect for the job." The Muse of Romance offered to her boss. Venus immediately stopped ranting and arched her perfectly blond eyebrow. Someone that didn't try and would be perfect for the job? Hmm.. it might just be crazy enough to work.

"What would that be, Romanci?"

"Well she is a rookie, but I'd say as a new addition she'd probably get the job done. She won't quit on Arnold and Helga, my Goddess."

"Very well, I will see if this Muse is up to snuff."

"This is the new Muse of Mismatched Couplings, Mismatched." Romanci introduced Brainus and Venus to the maiden, in the corner, who was wearing headphones and dancing, unbeknownst to all the attention focused on her.

She looked young, close to eleven or twelve, and had dark brown hair down to her waist. She was a foot shorter than the Muse of Romance, closer to Brainus' height.

Venus looked quizzically back to the Muse of Romance, who shrugged and walked over to her ward.

"Like I said, a rookie, my Goddess. She is... very strange.. Perhaps because she came from Earth as a new recruit."

At this admission, Venus completely understood and nodded. "Can you get her to stop dancing now?"

"Of course, my Goddess!" Romanci then shook Mismatched's shoulder.

"Mismatched!" Romanci yelled, so that the girl would hear her. "Mismatched!!"

"Wha!!" She yelled as she jumped a foot, then turned around, startled. Her gaze soon turned from startled to shocked as she stared at Venus. Almost immediately she clumsily bowed.

"Ack! I mean, hello Venus, hello um...cute kid guy thing," She stumbled around the words as she tried to fish for Brainus' name. Brainus laughed a little before sticking his hand to her.

"Brainus. Nice to meet you, Muse of Mismatched Couples." He politely said, bowing to her a little. Venus smiled and thought, "My nephew the gentleman. Now why can't my brother Mars be like that?"

"Your grace!" Mismatched bowed, making her headphones and CD player go to the floor. She laughed nervously, as she bent to pick it up and put it in a sub-space compartment. Brainus got a good look at her eyes, which were a dazzling green with a yellow ring in the center. He blanched. He had never seen that before, in human or Muse.

"Mismatched, guess what?" Mismatched look ready to answer, when Romanci cut in, "You're on the Arnold and Helga case!" She slapped the Muse's back. "Congratulations!"

".." Mismatched blinked a couple of times, opened her mouth then yelled, "WHAT?"

Venus smiled and laughed, "Yes, yes, big shock. Romanci couldn't do it and she told me you'd be the perfect person for the job. Congratulations indeed." Venus winked at her then turned away, humming the same tune as before, then turned to Brainus. "Brainus, I need to speak to you." Casting a look at the rest of the Muses and Goddesses, she added, "In private.."

Brainus nodded, all too familiar with talks with members of his family.

Mismatched, on the other hand, was now hyperventilating.

"I-I can't do this! I'm not ready! The Arnold and Helga case is too tough! Not even Venus herself could do it! Not even you could do it!" She took out a paper bag from a sup-space compartment and blew in and out of it. Romanci looked amused.

"Sorry, but you'd really be good for the job. The old Muse of Mismatched Couples had lost her touch, but seeing as you have such new and fresh ideas from Earth, I thought you were ready. Besides, I think this job is made for you.. Good luck, girl. Hopefully you won't go insane trying to pair them up." With that, Romanci turned away and got on a golden chariot with winged horses.

"Later, Mismatched!" She laughed as she flew away. Mismatched glared at her and threw away her crumpled paper bag, now ball, over her shoulder. The crumpled ball hit a nearby Muse's head, who yelled. Blinking, she ran after Venus, and away from the angry Muse.

* * *

To Be Continued!


	7. The Plot Thickens More

Author: Bunni

Disclaimer: I do not own the Gods of Olympus, any of the people that are Goddesses (except for Romanci but she was in the last chappie), or Hey Arnold! cast, crew, whatever. Or god Almighty (he shall strike me down if I do say I own him..) I do own plot and the idea, but wait a minute ~_~;; Aren't they the same thing?? O.O;;

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Our "Be a God or Goddess" winners and shall appear in future chapters are (quite a few actually):

**Ditey**! Who shall be: Muse of Star-Crossed Lovers (I had to think of something since you're involved ~_~ but it does involve romance! ^^)

**D. Zire- 13**! Congrats! You shall be: Goddess of Secrets (involving wisdom, I'm sorry but I couldn't do the harvest thing, -_-;; please forgive me.)

**Sterling**! Wahoo! You're in too! You get to be: Goddess of Hate! But unfortunately you work for the Dark side. -_-;; Ah well, it's a cool job nonetheless. ^^ Oh and your name is changed to Erris! ^_^

**Meagan Lewis**, who shall be: Goddess of Songs

**Angel**, (Xiao) will be making an appearance as: Goddess of Fighters

**Allie**, you shall be the: The Goddess of Peace named... Pax.

**HgS**- You are The Celtic Goddess of War (also death, ravens, fertility, the dark Goddess, and fate. Wow..) Your name shall be Morrigan, since she is the Celtic Goddess of War among other things ~_~.

**Briana**: You shall be what you want to be O.O The Goddess of Love Thoughts! ^_^ She is a very unknown Goddess and her (your) name will be Loi. _ Don't ask me why I picked that name, I just thought of it.

**Tomboy aka Ash**: ^_^ you were like the only one who applied to be Miss Matched's assistant, and believe me, you'd be GREAT in that part, so alas, you ARE Mismatched's assistant, the Muse of Dreams, Ash! You shall play the whacky and lovable assistant. ^_^ who also tries to pair up Mismatched with someone.

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**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Chapter Seven**

**The Plot Thickens ... more.**

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The Muse of Star-Crossed Lovers rubbed her head as she glared at the running Muse of Mismatched Couples. Honestly, do people have to have no manners these days? 'Stupid Earthling recruit..' The angry muse thought. She flipped her brown hair and rolled her brown eyes as she turned to her friends. "Kids today."

"Ditey, are you okay?" A Goddess with neck-length brown hair, and soft blue eyes asked as she noticed the Muse running away from Ditey. Ditey shrugged and rolled her eyes again. She had a dress that showed off her strong muscular legs and slender figure.

"Yeah, Zire, you know how that weird Muse of Mismatched Couples' is. It's bad enough that she was a mortal but to act so, so - humanish.." Ditey spat out in disgust. "It's not good for a Muse to act."

Zire, the Goddess of Secrets, nodded her head and drank her Ambrosia. A girl around five feet height with blonde hair and green eyes that looked as old as seventeen spoke up, feeling the need to say something.

"Hey guys, did you hear the latest news on the Helga and Arnold case?" She spoke softly as she absently swirled her chalice. Immediately all the Goddesses and Muses turned to her, leaning in. More news on the Helga and Arnold case? This couldn't be passed up!

"What?" Zire asked as she laid back, cool and collected. As the Goddess of Secrets, there wasn't anything she didn't know already.

As I said before, EVERYONE in Mt. Olympus, Heaven, Underworld, Valhalla, Hell even, had heard about the infamous case. The couple was impossible to get together for Venus and all the other Gods of Love had tried for centuries. Yes, centuries. It's a little thing called Reincarnation.

The couple always seem to find eachother but something, no one is sure WHAT exactly, keeps them apart romantically, whether it be that they were mortal enemies or that one of them was already married, or one of them was killed in a war, something like that always happening. It drove almost everyone who tried to get them together - or close to it - crazy, nuts, whacko. Just right over the edge. Now God Himself was going to take the job on. The question is - could, would, can He do it? Or would He go to the Funny Farm trying?

"The Lord switched their bodies! Helga's now Arnold and Arnold's now Helga!" Everyone gasped and murmured to themselves and to their neighbors.

"WHAT?! He switched their bodies? That's never been done before!" Zire said excitedly, thinking of the possibilities. "I wonder why Venus never thought of it."

"That's because God had to take drastic measures; the couple seemed to be evading each other of the sort, and He waited for the right opportunity to strike!" A girl with light brown hair with blond highlights and ice blue eyes banged her fist on the table as an emphasis for her words. The table shook and some chalices spilled over. They all turned to glare at the girl who sheepishly smiled.

"Sorry, got carried away there."

"It's okay, Xiao. Just be careful not to do it again." The blond haired girl smiled at her. Zire nodded, giving her a soft look of compassion.

"So, any other news, Pax?" Xaio, Goddess of Fighters, asked as she took a silken handkerchief to clean after her split chalice.

"The new Muse of Mismatched Couples is on the job as a replacement for the Muse of Romance." Pax, the blond haired Goddess of Peace, answered, looking curious as well.

Ditey's eyes bugged out. "_HER?!_" She looked over her shoulder at the spot where she bumped into the muse in question.

Loi ignored her friend. "What happened to Romance?"

"Vacation time for the poor dear. She was working overtime on romance the past six hundred years. You know how those can drag on.." Zire said, having a sympathetic look on her face. Xiao, Ditey, and a Goddess with a harp nodded.

"Ah, yes, those six hundred years do tend to drag on with us with important work. But why such an inexperienced Muse? I mean barely a month ago she was recruited, what in Zeus's name was she thinking?" Ditey asked as she brushed away an imaginary wrinkle from her dress.

"Romanci recommended her," Zire said, and everyone believed her. As the Goddess of Secrets it was her duty to know such things. "In fact, Mismatched met Venus and her nephew Brainus! And Venus O.K.-ed the whole thing. There is something up her sleeve."

"Did you say Brainus?! Aww.. I can't believe I missed him!" Ditey whined, and pouted to no one in particular.

"Yeah, he is a major hottie.." The Goddess with the harp strummed it softly as she spoke. Obviously she was the Goddess of Music and Theatre, Meagan, one of the lesser known Goddesses.

"Yeah.." Ditey sighed as she slipped into her daydream of Brainus. "We're destined for each other.."

"Oh, here it comes.." Xiao rolled her eyes, knowing the same speech. Everyone else sighed heavily.

"Oh, Brainus! Soon, soon you'll realize that we are destined for one another then you'll take me in your arms and we'll ride off into the clouds living happily ever after.. and be married... and have children.. and..and..." Ditey rambled on and on, but was interrupted by Xiao.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all that love-dovey stuff, blah, blah, blah. We know, Ditey. Shouldn't you be thinking of bringing Arnold and Helga together instead of fantasies of Brainus?" Xiao arched her eyebrow, her eyes fluttering at the word "Brainus" as she mocked Ditey.

Ditey looked miffed. "Well, now that you bring it up, I DO think we should help the new Muse with her assignment." The Goddess of Love Thoughts raised her eyebrows inquiringly. Zire, Meagan, another Goddess dressed in blue, Pax, and the muse of Mischief, Gi leaned in expectantly.

"Too bad we can't join in on the fun!" Pax grinned.

Ditey got a very evil smirk as a lightbulb lit over her head. "Well, wait... who says we can't?"

Loi arched her eyebrows. "Okay, Dites. What's going on?"

"Nothing much... except," she paused and looked around. "How about we make this switch a little bit more... interesting?"

"Interesting?"

The group of excited muses were immediately in. A chance to cash in on a once-in-an-infinite-time-space-chance? A body switch wasn't likely to happen twice, at least for several more millenia. "We're in!" Xiao said.

"Dish, girl," Loi said.

"OK, guys, here's the plan," Ditey gestured for those around her to get closer, lest pricked ears and prying eyes discovered their intentions.

They huddled up and passed ambrosia between each other as they whispered their complex plans of l'amour. "..Helga.. and the.. Arnold.. and then.. we.."

"Oooh, this is gonna be so good," squealed Meagan before she was shushed collectively by the others.

---------------------------------------------------

It was just another day for un-matchmaking.

A shadow came from the alley, as he slipped away from his "home".

Curly made sure no one was looking as he slipped into a silvery portal. And if there was anyone who saw, they were blinded by the white light, and baffled at the disappearance of the boy with black hair and glasses.

Curly came out of the portal and looked around him: desolate, black, death. Simple as that. It wasn't as bad as the Satan's Hell, but it was his home.

That's right. Curly was also a God.

Only unlike Brainy, he was a full God, son of Hades and Proserphine. Changing to his God-form and ridding himself of his human form, he grew taller, his muscles more defined, his short pudding shaped hair grew longer and into a braid, his skin changing from the scarily pale to a deep and dark tan. He took off his red rimmed glasses and put them into a sub-space compartment, then taking out a leather pouch. Dressed in dark clothes and earthy sandals, he carried a more adult menacing vibration in his new form than the creeping undertones in his former.

He was no longer Curly; he was Thaddeus, son of Hades. Walking confidently on the smooth path he came to the River Styx, and the old ferryman came across in his boat.

The old ferryman looked up and bowed. "Lord Thaddeus."

Thaddeus gave a brief nod to acknowledge that he heard and took out a coin from his pouch and put it in the ferryman's skeleton-like hand. "Charon. I'm here to see Father and Mother."

Charon nodded and moved aside so that Thaddeus could get on. Without another word they made their way across, silent the entire way. Charon bid his goodbye and Thaddeus did the same. Walking towards the entrance, he saw a large (I mean LARGE- the-kind-of-radioactive-monster-type-to-attack-Japan-LARGE!) three-headed wild dog. It started barking wildly, and snarling with lots of foam and drool coming out of it's mouths but Thaddeus seemed unfazed. In fact, he enjoyed the scene the monster was making.

"Aww, miss me, Cerberus?" Thaddeus cooed as Cerberus barked a little and it's tail wagged and thumped against the ground, while it's three tongues came out as it panted excitedly. Thaddeus smirked and got out from his pouch a dog biscuit.

"I got a treat for my doggy woggy! Who's a bad boy? Who's a bad boy? Come on, tell me who's a bad doggy?" Cerberus whined and barked loudly as it jumped around a little, despite his chains. Thaddeus chuckled and threw up a biscuit.

"Bad doggy." He petted Cerberus' leg before going on. Cerberus whined a little because his beloved master was leaving, but nonetheless kept quiet and waited for another lost soul to come his way so he could make it his new chew toy.

Traveling down the darkness, he heard voices in the main room.

Thaddeus leaned in the darkness, as he watched all the "Evil" Gods and Goddesses assemble for their usual reason. Hate Gods, War Gods, all the disliked Gods were here and present.

"..I tell you, keeping Helga and Arnold apart is getting harder and harder everyday." A man with three eyes and no hair, standing at seven foot three inches, dressed in a heavy looking purple robe, paced as his one-eyed midget friend watched amused.

"Yeah, especially since Yahweh took such drastic measures and switched them together! Never expected that.." His midgit friend said. Thaddeus smirked to himself as he stepped from the shadows. Immediately the two others saw him and bowed deeply. The other Gods and Goddesses bowed also, giving him high respect. After all he WAS the Underworld's second-in-command.

"Lord Thaddeus." They all whispered, awed. Thaddeus rolled his eyes and simply waved it off as he went to seat beside his father and mother. Hades gave a brief nod to acknowledge his son, as Thaddeus did the same, but with his mother, he bowed. Proserphine gave a nod, holding unto her scepter and wore a crown that held the symbols of Fields and Underworld she ruled.

Thaddeus sat on a smaller throne then his mother's and watched amused as the Gods and Goddesses of Darkness and Evil sit down in cheap, fold up chairs that were all over the vast Throne Room.

He leaned towards his Father, "Father, don't you think they'll get mad that they still have to sit in those tacky chairs every assembly?"

Hades gave an evil chuckle, "Yes. But they won't argue with me."

Thaddeus also gave an amused yet malicious laugh, quiet as to not start a evil laughing God/Goddess fit. If you laugh around evil yet powerful people, such as the people in front of them, the laugh is very contagious, especially if it's ...evil.

"So, my boy, how are things doing above ground?" Hades asked, quieting down his chuckles.

Thaddeus gave the bored look, ignoring his father's disdainful tone. "Nothing much. The pathetic mortals still think I'm crazy as "Curly", and don't suspect a thing. But that Brainus.. It's bad enough we share the same assignment for different purposes."

Hades gave a nod. "Yes, yes. Brainus has this infatuation with the girl Olga, is it?"

"No, it's Helga. Her name is Helga. And yes, Brainus does still have an infatuation with her."

Hades grunted, "Whatever the wench's name is," He didn't notice Thaddeus' angry bristle at this. Thaddeus forced himself to calm down. It was a miracle from Zeus that his father didn't find out that Thaddeus, too, was 'infatuated' with her. Hades continued, "she is very hard to get together with that boy Arnold."

"Yes, she is. Makes our job a whole lot easier because Arnold is so dense." Thaddeus laughed a little. That was more of an understatement, really. Thaddeus had never seen a mortal boy of that age accomplish so much and still expect nothing in return; it was kind of amazing.

'I'd almost want to be friends with the guy, if he didn't have my love's heart that is...' Thaddeus thought with an evil laugh. He'd loved Helga right from the start.. well actually after he found out that she was the Dark Piece. But when he met her, he knew his heart was stolen, and it was stolen by a little girl with a bullying sense. He smirked as he recalled the how she dared to push his mere mortal body into the ground. He loved that spirit.

"...and then.. Thaddeus? Aren't you listening boy?" Hades growled. Thaddeus snapped out of his daze and looked up at his father.

"Sorry, Father. It won't happen again. What is it?"

"I was saying on our new rock garden. Your mother just got it to "find inner peace".." Hades grumbled. He recalled how he had to dress in those ridiculous garments and do yoga with his wife at the little homemade waterfall. Hades resisted to sigh heavily at that memory. It was either find inner peace with his wife in silly clothes or sleep on the throne for a decade. And believe Hades, he isn't the type to sleep on the throne for a decade.

"Really?" Thaddeus bit his lip to keep from laughing, but there was no avail. Hades gave his son a glare. Thaddeus wisely quieted down, but the images of his father doing "relaxing and aromatic" yoga with his mother was a little tempting.

"Shut up, boy."

Thaddeus kept his trap shut, and the meeting began, as his gaze crossed that of Erris, the Goddess of Hate, looking as beautiful as ever. How boring. He made sure she saw him yawn in her direction and then gave his attention to the crowd.

It was just another day for un-matchmaking.

A woman, short and young looking for her true age, with wavy jet black hair that stopped at the hip and mysterious dark green eyes that seemed misty to any person who'd stare long into them, held her ivory colored cheek in her palm, looking rather bored herself as she watched all the dark Gods and Goddesses assemble for the monthly report.

What did she care? She was and is the goddess of Hate, more importantly known to the Gods as Erris, or even Erri, but she was bored stiff here people!

Erris leaned her slender body against a dinky fold-up chair. She rolled her eyes. 'Hades is getting kinda cheap on us..'

Her eyes wandered over to the throne and she saw Thaddeus look her way. She straightened, giving him an extra malicious smile and grimaced when he yawned. 'Prince Hot Stuff, huh?' She casually looked away, as if nonplussed at the exchange.

She honestly didn't know why she kept coming to these boring meetings. If it weren't for the excitement of keeping Arnold away from Helga and going against Destiny, she would probably burned the invitation.

'Well, not that it matters that I did,' Erris thought sardonically, 'But it is nice to have a challenge now that God has switched their bodies.' She smirked. Yes, definitely a challenge.

She eyed Thaddeus once more.

And everyone knows that the Goddess of Hate always loves challenges.

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To Be Continued!

The Gods/Goddesses/Muses contest is closed. Thanks to all who participated.


	8. What are YOU Doing HERE?

Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own the Gods or Goddesses, Lord Almighty Himself (may He reign *whimpers in fright of him striking her down*), Nickelodeon and Craig Barlett's _Hey Arnold_ or it's characters. ^_^;; all I own is the plot, an army surplus hat, and a glass of water. ^^;; Which I just drank so it's an empty glass of water now. -.-;;

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Leilah (Goddess of Romantic Get-Togethers)

Ditey (Muse of Star-Crossed Lovers)

D. Zire-13 (Goddess Of Secrets)

HgS (Celtic Goddess of War,eath, ravens, fertility, the dark Goddess, and fate., you are Morrigan!)

Angel (Goddess of Fighters, Xiao)

Meagan (Goddess of Music)

Brianna (Goddess of Love Thoughts!)

Allie (Goddess of Peace, Pax)

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Hey, Let's Switch Turns!

Chapter Eight

What Are YOU Doing HERE?!

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Helga opened her eyes to see... candlelight dinner and French cuisine? She blinked and looked down and saw that she was in a velvet red dress, white gloves, and her hair was down. She arched an eyebrow then realized she was back in her own body!

"WAHOO!" Helga grinned. "I'm in my own bah-dee, I'm in my own bah-dee!" She gave a little dance before she realized she wasn't alone. She peered across the long table and saw a head.

...A familiar looking football head. "It can't be!"

"Helga?!" Arnold yelled, getting up, revealing a charming tuxedo with a red corsage in his breast pocket, and nice fitting black pants. What shocked Helga the most was that he had a black Spainard mustache across his lip that made him look very cunning, even if he was still in his nine-year old body.

"Arnold?!" Helga yelled back, equally surprised.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" They both yelled at the same time, pointing at each other, eyes wide at each other's appearance. Then they both became silent, soaking in the changes.

"Sooo..."

"You go first."

"..."

"Fine, Helga. The truth is, I don't know. The last thing I remember is a pink book and-" Arnold cut himself off and stared at Helga, who nervously teetered.

"I can explain that, really, I can."

Arnold arched an eyebrow, absently stroking his new mustache. "Please do, Hel-AAAH!!" Arnold screamed.

"I have a mustache!"

Helga, thanked God for doing this for her, and letting Arnold be so easily distracted by his new found mustache, but soon got herself engrossed into this new topic herself.

"YOU HAVE A MUSTACHE!?"

"This is not supposed to be happening to a nine year old so soon!" Arnold threw his hands in the air, before bringing them down and stroking the mustache curiously. "It's so weird... a mustache?!" He paused. "Cool."

Helga opened her mouth to speak, her mind filled with the image of the charismatic bull-fighting Spainard Arnolds.

"Well in my opinion, Arnoldo, it looks kind of charismatic and romantic on you." Helga covered her mouth with her opera-gloved hand, one eyebrow twitching in horror, as she realized that she had spoken before thinking.

Arnold, on the other hand, didn't pay much mind to it, and grinned sheepishly. "You think so, Helga?" He continued to stroke it, trying to make himself more dashing. "Thanks!"

It was working.

Helga blushed, trying to look away, before her knees buckled on her. She cleared her throat. "Uh-er, y-yes Arnold, it does." Helga wanted so much to hit herself for acting so goofy. Crimeny, what was wrong with her? "Er, I mean for such a footballhead like you!" Helga sniffed angrily, and stomped to her large Tudor chair and plopped down, glaring at Arnold, crying out in frustration inside.

'Crimeny, that's the way, Helga! Push him and abuse him! He'll jump in your arms for sure!' Helga mentally sighed. Arnold glared at Helga, before calming himself down.

"Whatever you say, Helga."

The two sat down, opposite of each other.

Arnold looked down at his plate, a little miffed at the insult. First she compliments him, and then throws it back into his face. What the heck? She does this all the time. He rolled his eyes and looked over at her, his jaw dropping a bit.

For a gradeschool bully, Helga sure cleaned up very nice.

'Wow, who would have thought she looked this great? She sort of reminds me of that girl from that restaurant. Cecille?' Arnold thought. He scrunched his eyebrows together and then picked at his food. 'Nah! It couldn't be..'

You can see the boy was really, really, really dense.

Helga looked down, and arched her eyebrow at the meal, finally able to take her eyes off the tasty Spanish-Armando-Arnold! It reminded her of that dream she had at the play, _Carmen_. The dreamy way he had a mustache and his hair slicked back, the raging passion he had as a bullfighter.

'Well, even though this is a dream, I like the way my mind has style for Arnold.' Helga giggled a little, picking at her food with a silver fork, again noticing she, not only had great taste in clothes, but also had excellent taste for dream silverware.

Arnold noticed a faint violin and orchestra playing in the background ever so gently. He wondered why he and Helga had to be in such a complex situation. In fact, when he thought about it, he and Helga were often in odd situations most of his life. "Helga.." Arnold set down his fork, making a 'clink' sound. "We need to talk."

The four dreaded words that Helga did _NOT_ want to hear.

Again laughing nervously, Helga gulped. "Uh... what about, Arnold?"

Arnold noticed she used his name for once and not 'football-head', 'paste for brains', 'geek bait', or even 'Arnoldo'. Just plain Arnold. "About us."

"..us..?" Came the squeaky reply.

"Yes, us. Helga, did the boarders notice anything different about me-er, I mean you, I mean you in me- I mean- oh just forget it! Did they notice anything strange and question you?"

"Weeeeeeelllll.." Helga fidgeted in her chair, not wanting to talk about her "interesting" evening. "Well your grandma made some soup, but I think I saw a fly or two in it." And it was true.

Arnold made a surprised sound, sounding just as nervous as Helga's laugh. "D-did she now? Well, whadda ya know. Um... anything else?"

"Oh, yes Arnold. Just the fact that your deluded Grandma ripped her clothes apart to reveal several dancing outfits and this music and lights came out of nowhere, then I started singing and dancing with her and the boarders to a Backstreet Boy's song! Yes! I DO THINK YOUR FAMILY IS WEIRD! And there was nothing else, except I think that I might have been slightly traumatized with changing your clothes to pajama's and got a few bruises out of it as well." Was what Helga could, would, and might have said, yet instead she said:

"Ah, that's about it.." Helga grunted, trying to hide her blush as she remembered dancing on the table like there was no tomorrow. "And what about my family?"

"Uhhh..." Arnold fidgeted in his chair. "Ummm.. it was an 'interesting' evening.. Nothing went along, just eating and stuff like that."

"Really?" Came a slightly disbelieved tone, as Helga started to eat, no longer suspicious of the food.

"Well, no. Your mother fainted along with your dad because I called them 'mom' and 'dad', then your dad had freaky beeper dreams that I don't think I want to experience. Ever. Also, changing into your nightgown caused me to blush and want to hide, even though I had my eyes closed. Yeah, that's about it. Oh, and I found out your obsession with pink. Yes, that sums it all up." Was what Arnold wanted to say, but instead, being the nice, optimistic, polite boy he was, instead said:

"Yeah. It wasn't anything real special."

"Oh.."

The two fell into a deep silence.

"So.." Helga started, attempting to make conversation. "Why do you think this happened?"

"...." Arnold poked at his chicken fillet, and came to stare into Helga's eyes. "I have no clue... well.. actually I do." Arnold left off, staring into his crystal wine glass filled with cider and sipped it a little.

"Yeah?"

"Well.. I sort of came up with an idea why this all happened.."

A short silence came again, until Helga broke it in her own graceful way.

"YES? Well spit it out footballhead!"

Arnold rolled his eyes. "I think it's because I wished to be you for a day."

"WHAT?!" Helga spit out the cider she was currently sipping into the air, and conveniently into Arnold's face.

"Egh.." Arnold scrunched up his face as he felt the apple juicey moisture on his face.

Helga, on the other hand, didn't notice this. She was busy ranting and pacing.

"How can this be? Why would you, 'Mr. Perfect and Optomistic of the Year', want to have my life? A drunk mom who probably still thinks it's May 12, 1988, an ignorant dad who could give a boot's hoot about me and my name, a perfect-no-good-for-anything-unless-to-annoy-the-heck-out-of-me sister is what I have, and to tell the truth, Arnoldo, it isn't much! Why?! And why did it work, even?"

Arnold put down the pristine white cloth that he used to wipe Helga's cider off his face, and stood. "I just wanted to know what it was like to have a real family and-"

"Arnold.." Helga's tone was a mix with sardonic humor and bitterness. "Even I have no idea what a real family is like, unless you count reruns of "I Love Loopy" and the "Baudelaire Twins"."

Arnold took in her face. Helga's expression was cold and expressionless, but when he looked into her eyes, he saw the truth. She was angry, yet horribly hurt, and sad at the same time.

Helga continued. "You, on the other hand, have people that actually care for you! That's a real family, Arnoldo. A real family is someone that loves you and thinks your the most special person in the world."

"Helga I-"

"Shut your trap, Arnoldo.." Her tone said, "I don't want to talk about it, but if you do, I'll bite your head off and enjoy using it as a chew toy," and Arnold wisely kept his mouth closed. "But I do have something to tell you." She paused.

"I also wished to be-" Helga was cut off by the melodious orchestra ringing loudly and a sudden tango music coming in. "What the..?"

Arnold blinked as a sudden wind came in blowing out the candles. Without warning they found themselves in the middle of the floor, with a silvery-white spotlight from the ceiling on them.

"-heck?" Taking Helga's hands in his, Arnold twirled the taller girl around.

Looking closely, he saw that Helga did indeed looked a lot like Cecille.. in fact, if he didn't know any better..

"Cecille?"

Helga's head snapped up and she looked alarmed. "W-who?" Giving her nervous giggle again. Before anyone could say anything, Arnold's hands found themselves in her hand and on her waist. Helga, likewise, except with hers' on his cashmere-clad shoulder.

The music drove them, as if empowering them the ability to dance, to float around each other. Looking never straight into each other's eyes, trying to avoid the embarassment of not controlling their bodies. All they could do is caress the other's body in a flurry of rhythmic motion.

"Uh, Helga?"

"Yes?" Came the frustrated yet contented sigh. He twirled her around and dipped the blond girl.

"Do you," Twirl. Step, step. "-have any idea," Step, step, dip, twirl, pose, long stride. "-what's happening?"

"No clue." Again dipping her. "but I think I liked it." Arnold continued to twirl her around, letting this statement stick in his head, as Helga cursed mentally for letting herself slip once again.

"I like it too." Arnold absently let his thumb rub against the soft, silky glove of Helga's.

"..." Helga blinked amazed. Deep dip. Twirl. Step, step, step, long stride. "You mean it?"

"Most definitely." Came Arnold's boyish grin; one that he had not revealed to Helga til' now. It made her knees weak like his other smiles.

Pose, step, step, twirl, short dip, long stride, turn. "You're not so bad to be around." He finished, twirling Helga, narrowly missing a table.

"I..."

"Yes, Helga?" Arnold stopped dancing, as the music died down.

"I.."

Arnold leaned in, as Helga's eyes became wide. "I... There's a cow.. doing the Macarena.."

"WHAT?" Arnold yelled, surprised and shocked. Whatever he had expected for her to say, it sure wasn't that. He turned around, and sure enough, there was a cow doing the Macarena.

"WHAT'S A COW DOING HERE?"

"I don't know, Helga, but I think the more appropriate question would be, 'why is a cow dancing the Macarena in our dream?'"

That was the last of the dialogue between the two nine-year olds as everything went black for them.

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"...grrr..." Ditey growled at the Muse dressed in a cow costume, who 'eeped' and tried making herself smaller. "You totally ruined the mission! What's with the cow costume and self-translated dance?"

"Uh..." The muse tried to speak. "Um..well you see, I er- well another Goddess told me that the plans were changed at the last minute and that we were all going as farm animals doing the Macarena and-"

"WHAT!?" Xiao's voice boomed. Ditey sent a silent look to the Goddess of Fighters as she crossed her arms and glared at the small muse. "Thanks a lot, Xiao. Now.. Leilah, who might that be? Who is the Goddess who told you we were going as cows and dancing the MACARENA in a MATCHMAKING PLOT?? WHO??! I DEMAND TO KNOW!!" Ditey's chest heaved up and down. Leilah 'eeped' some more.

"Uh, well, Miss Diety, ma'm, sir, er... she said her name was Morrigan and-"

"NOOOOOO!" Ditey screamed as she began pulling at her beautiful hair and stomping her sandals against the marble floors. All the Matchmaking Goddesses and Gods groaned.

"Huh? Is there something I should know?" Leilah asked, question marks appearing over her head.

Zire decided to explain while everyone frustratedly groaned and quietly complained. "Morrigan is a real..well, let's just say because there are young Muses among us (some Goddesses and Muses snorted at that) that she's just not a nice person. Crafty, evil, and just plain mean is Morrigan in a nutshell."

Meagan, Goddess of Music, snorted, as she continued to strum on her harp. "She's more than that! She's a real bi-"

"Now, now," Pax interrupted her. "Let's not shoot off our mouths in front a younger audience." She gestured to Leilah, who looked clueless about the whole thing.

"But she is!" Meagan sniffed. "She already sabotaged our first real group attempt at matchmaking Arnold and Helga! You know how long it took to get the papers filled out for a romantic twinset dream?"

"Don't even start." Brianna messaged her temples. "Those forms will haunt me forever! 'A-B-Paragraph 1409-slash DDD side M through P' will especially affect me for life." She shuddered violently as she remembered the amount of paperwork and pencil-pushing it took to get through that vile period of time.

"I still don't get why such a nice Goddess did that.. She even complimented me on my hair.." Leilah mumbled.

"I wonder why she did that.." Ditey mocked. "Are you really that dense?" It was a well-known fact that the Dark Gods hated the Light Gods, and did everything in both their powers to make each other miserable; foiling Arnold and Helga's attempt of being together was just one way to piss off the Light Gods.

"..." No answer came from the Goddess of Romantic Get-Togethers.

"I guess it's back to drawing board again.." Zire said.

With that tired affirmation, the slightly confounded group of deities, frsutrated leader, and cow-cladded young Muse, left for another plan to matchmake.

------------------------------------

A red-haired girl walked down the tunnel, snickering maliciously. She was rather short for her thousands of years old. Being the Celtic Goddess, Morrigan, she looked pretty damn good.

Morrigan, brushing past lost souls, came to Charon the ferryman of the River Styx. Patting a coin into his hand, she got into his ferryboat.

"Charon."

"Morrigan. I take it you had a pleasant evening?"

Morrigan smirked as she thought of dancing cows and foiled matchmaking attempts. "You can bet your lily covered-canoe on it." Ignoring Charon's rusty growl, she kept her brown/green tinted eyes ahead of her, still giggling evilly.

* * *

To Be Continued!

"I Love Loopy"= equivelent to "I Love Lucy"

"Baudelaire Twins"= "Sister, Sister"

-Bunni

(P.S. Reviews help me visualize funny pictures ^_~ hint hint hint)


	9. Are You Okay?

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Are. You. Okay?**

* * *

A hustle and bustle in busy cities such as New York was an actuary's worse nightmare. Everything wild, unpredictable and dangerous. A place where muggings, murders, and robberies were the norm in the bad parts of this town. Cats yowled in the alleyways, people laughed loudly, shoved, shouted, insulted, threatened.

It was the _worst_ place for a Guardian Angel to work.

A black-haired, tubby angel grumbled as he watched over his bald-headed, middle-aged charge that worked at Microsoft for a living. He sighed, jumping from one lamp post, to another, to another, waving hello distractedly to every other Gaurdian Angels who were on the same route. He turned his head for a minute to see another angel off, and then looked back and saw his charge heading blindly toward a manhole. Grabbing the manhole cover at the last minute, he covered it and wiped the sweat off his brow as the man walked off, never knowing that his life had just been saved.

Ah, the life of a Guardian angel, so fruitful and enjoyable. The black-haired angel rolled his eyes. Yeah right. It went on like this: The man would sightlessly go into harm's way, the angel would save the man from harm's way, and then shake, spin, and repeat. Today was no different.

"Hey, Fred." The black-haired angel turned to see a stubby blond haired angel with beady eyes who wore the same white robes as Fred and carried an oval lunchbox to his side.

"Hey, Barn."

"How's Wilma?"

"Fine. Just fine. And Betty?"

"Neeeever better!" Barney grinned, blinking his beady eyes. Fred sighed and opened his oval lunchbox, keeping an eye on his charge who was currently typing in documents for Bill Gates on the subject of bringing computers to underprivileged families.

"That's good."

"Hey Fred. Check this out."

"What is it, Barney?" Fred looked annoyed as he almost put Heavenly turkey sandwich (literally) in his mouth.

"Fred just look-"

"Look Barn, I've had it up to here," He pointed to his almost nonexistent neck, "with you always interrupting me." He growled, wagging a finger. "Well it's gonna stop right now."

"But-"

"There you go again interrupting me again. Tell me Barney, what's so interesting that you just HAVE to have bad manners? Huh? What could possibly be so important to keep me from speaking?" Fred asked, feeling as if Barney were an idiot and he had to explain everything slowly.

Barney held up a newspaper with Arnold and Helga in black-and-white on the cover, with cut-up wedding outfits on their bodies and a big question mark next to the picture. "God made _THE_ Arnold and Helga switch places."

"WHAT?!" Fred accidentally tossed up his lunchbox with all his food inside of it and it came crashing down on an unsuspecting civilian. The unsuspecting civilian's Guardian Angel glared up at Fred and Barney, but they gave no notice.

"Lemme see that!" Fred grabbed the newspaper and mumbled out loud as he read. "...switched places.. hmm.. God.. WAIT? OUR GOD?" He looked at Fred. "Is this true?"

"Yes sirree, Fred." A sharp whap. "Ow! Fred, why'd you do that for?"

"Because I found out last." He grumbled, and skimmed some columns, "Helga prayed.. ha! I can see her doing that." Fred's eyes moved rapidly across the Angelic Print called _St. Paul's Call_, the fastest and most reliable news print this side of Elysium.

Barney laughed too. "They've got a friendly bet up at HQ on who's going to cave first: Helga or Arnold? And uh, keep it on the downlow... but they're also starting one on whether or not God can do it."

Another sharp whap. "And why wasn't I told of this?"

"Geez, I thought you knew. Slate said he told you."

"Grrrr.. Slate." Fred crumpled up the newspaper, then realizing what he was doing, uncrumpled it. "I'll show them."

"Um... Fred?"

"What?" He snapped irritability to his partner.

"Wasn't that your charge going out the door for lunch?"

"GAH!" Fred flew away, spreading his wings and flapping them as he tried to catch up with his charge. Barney laughed and watched after Bill Gates as he was assigned to. Man, this job was easy.

----------------------

Brainus walked with his Aunt until they reached her study. Well-actually it wasn't really a study. More of a place to matchmake, and create love-dovey couples and such and such. Romance was the theme here. There were golden pillars, with a white ceiling painted with a mural of his aunt being born from the sea's foams. There was a couch (you know the ones where movie stars faint on), bookcases the filled the walls with books of dramatic romance, sappy romance, happy romance, and the occasional R.L. Stine's Thriller. Brainus didn't know exactly why she kept those around.

Venus closed the door behind her. It wouldn't do if anyone overheard.

Brainus sat in a plushy beanbag (Venus had visited 60's Woodstock and simply adored these "silly mortal inventions") and sighed. "So what was so important for me to be talked to in private?"

"The mission."

"What do you mean, 'the mission'?"

"Helga and Arnold. Destiny. Fate. Ring any bells, dear nephew?"

He looked annoyed and tired, "Yes, that's the reason why I'm here. Why are you pursuing this even while you made sure Yahweh won the bet?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out!"

"Auntie!"

"Oh hush, Brainus. I have my reasons for helping the Lord out. He'll thank me later." Brainus looked skeptical of his favorite aunt's reasoning.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm in love with a girl that's destined for another. I think I'll run around throwing around rose petals. Pretty darn lousy, Aunt Venus. Would I be anything else?" He felt even more tired by this admission. Aunt Venus smiled sympathetically and patted her nephew's hand.

"Wouldn't it make you more fulfilled to see her finally reunited with the one she hath loved for so many hundreds of years?" There was a silence. Brainus looked away at an empty space, sighing. Venus tucked away a blond curl.

The first time he had seen her, he knew she was special. He just knew. Brainus had become Brainy, after spending so many years in Mt. Olympus, envying the mortals for such pleasures they had.

He had been allowed to spend a mortal life span on Earth with his mother's mortal family descendants (who were puzzled at getting a relative. His mother had never really told them about Brainus). The town he was in was Hillwood, a nice town with it's problems like everywhere else, even in Mt. Olympus, but one thing made it different.

Her.

And, well, him. By him, he meant both Curly and Arnold. Arnold had that special soul that matched Helga's perfectly. While Brainus was a demi-God, Curly, or shall we say Thaddeus (as he was better known as in the Dietetic Dimension), was full-God.

At first Brainus thought maybe Thaddeus had wanted a piece of the mortal life as well and had been sheer coincidence that they were in the same place, at the same time. He had been wrong.

Thaddeus hadn't wanted the mortal life. He was undercover, working for his father, ready to foil another one of Destiny's lifetime attempts at bringing the two star-crossed couple together. Brainus, for a while, had considered bringing them together. On one night he... he stopped himself from remembering the rest of it and blinked at the memories. He had been foolish before. He wouldn't be foolish again.

After he had fallen for Helga, he soon discovered that she was destined (the fabled destiny/legend at that) to Arnold! He had slipped into a depression for weeks, then he vainly fought against the system, allowing himself under the fantasy that Helga could actually break away from Destiny and they would be together. He would make sure she wouldn't get sick, or die, or age. He would always to take care of her.

Brainus looked up and tried to say in his most convincing voice, "Yes, Aunt Venus. It would make me fulfilled."

Venus smiled at him and patted his head. "Good. Because you are on the mission with that new muse..what was her name? Matchness? Mismanage? Mis..."

"Matched. Muse of Mismatched Couples." Brainus leaned into the beanie bag, thinking of the new Earthly Muse and her peculiar ways of doing things. Venus seemed to have a grin without having a grin. Brainus looked at her suspiciously.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, nothing."

---------------------------------

A muse outside the door could hardly contain herself. Brainus. Now she remembered! A group of Muses had been sighing over him a week ago. Mismatched grinned. So... the hot guy would be all hers?

_'Too bad he's so cool. I'd go out with him if I weren't so dorky.'_ Though Mismatched had to admit: the guy was cute.

She had an even wider grin as she realized that she had Venus's nephew on the job with her. _'YES! Score! I'll breeze through this matchmaking between Arnold and Helga with Venus' own nephew.' _Mismatched nodded, gliding over the fact that Venus' own son could not even accomplish the task. Then she broke out into her happy dance and started skipping around. "WOOT!"

Unfortunately, due to this, it caused some attention to be drawn to her. She stopped dancing as she realized that Brainus and Venus had stuck their heads out the door, staring at her.

"Umm... hi?" She wiggled her fingers and laughed nervously. "I-I swear I wasn't dancing or even listening in on your conversation! I-I swear! PLEASE DON'T CURSE ME!" She started bowing, and thought of kissing their feet if the idea did not repulse her so.

Brainus arched an eyebrow in unison with his aunt. Okay, he was starting to get reaaaal creeped out.

"Child, you can stop bowing." Venus put a hand over her mouth to hide her smile. Mismatched stopped bowing, glancing around nervous.

"You mean... you won't curse me?"

Brainus looked to Venus and they both burst out laughing. Mismatched looked horribly perplexed. Venus supplied, "Dear child, I haven't cursed anyone since... since.." She thought, "I think it was a decade ago. The early nineties, I think."

"Why then and what did you curse?"

"Oh, that idiotic person who took _Beavis and Butthead_ off the air." Venus looked angry. "I LOVED that show!" She looked like she was going to cry. Brainus quickly acted.

"Maybe you should go inside and rest, Aunt Venus."

"Thank you, dear." She gave a shuddering sigh. "The only show that made me laugh." She went inside, with tears in the corner of her eyes. Brainus gave a small frown and shake of the head.

"That show was her life."

Mismatched only blinked. That stupid show? "Umm... you do that Beavis and Butthead was saved and shot out of it's misery, right?"

"SHHH!" Brainus covered her mouth with his hand looking around nervously. "Do you want anyone to find out you said that?! Especially my grandpa! He loved that show too!"

Mismatched merely arched an eyebrow and couldn't but feel tingles when Brainus's hand was on her mouth. Man, that felt good. Brainus was thinking the same thing, and abruptly let go of her, stepping away, blushing.

"Um.." They said at the same time.

"So..?" They looked up and then Brainus grinned despite the butterflies in his stomach, not enjoying it at all, "I'll get the chariot."

"I'll get my..er..stuff."

They both nodded and walked away stiffly, wondering why they were feeling this way.

"Mismatched, you dope! You geek! You, you, you.." Mismatched held her head as she power walked through the halls. "Want everyone to know that you have the hots for Venus' nephew?"

"Wow, first Cupid, now this." A voice came from beside her. "You have something for Venusian bloodline or something?"

Mismatched looked down and saw a dark-brown haired girl with light brown eyes grinning up at her. She started nudging Mismatched. "Man, it must be a sort of disease."

"Um... do I know you?"

"You should! Come on! You mean, you don't remember me? Ash? You remember, at that Welcoming Party a month ago?"

Mismatched screwed up her face and thought back. Ash..? Then it came back to her like some cheesy flashback scene in a cartoon.

**-Flashback-**

**Mismatched gaped at everything and got out her camera. "Ooooo, aaah, HEY YOU WITH THE WINE! YEAH YOU! SMILE!" She took a picture at the drunk fat man with grapes on his head. The man fell over himself as he saw pretty dots in the sky and cried, "MY EYES!"**

**Mismatched grinned and took in a deep breath. "Now I wonder where the orientation is..." All the new muses around her started clutching onto each other. Man, first she was dead, now she was in Mount Olympus! Wow, being good really DID pay off!**

**"Thanks Mom!" She whispered out loud and then took out her camera again, pointing it at a cute blond guy. "SMILE, YOU'RE ON MISMATCHED CAMERA!" The young man screamed and fell over himself, much like the fat man with wine. She walked over, then realized what she did.**

**"ACK! I am soooooo sorry!" She helped the blond guy up. "Are you okay?"**

**Then she looked at him. He gave a heroic smile and fixed his toga. "Yeah, nothing I can't handle." He said something else, but Mismatched was grinning and staring into his eyes. "What's your name?" He asked. Mismatched gurgled an answer through her saliva that was collecting in her mouth and dripping out of her mouth. The blond Adonis-like man blinked, and Mismatched continued to gurgle.**

**"Let me guess ... Mismatched?" He grinned, obviously amused. Mismatched stuttered, blushing, wiping away her spare drool. "I'm Cupid."**

**"Ye-ye-yeah.. Did you say C-cupid?"**

**"Yes." Was his suave reply.**

**Heavy breathing was heard and Mismatched got out a worn paper bag and breathed in and out of it, sweating profusely as Cupid stared. 'Oh my god, why does this always happen to me???' Then she felt she was being dragged back and looked up, still breathing in and out of the bag, and saw a grinning female.**

**"Hiya! Welcome to Mount Olympus. Errrm..." She looked down at a card in her hand. "Miss...Matched.." She oddly pronounced, frowning, then looked up grinning. "How do ya do?"**

**Mismatched looked at the hand offered at her, still using the bag as an inhalation helper, and shook it.**

**"Nice.." Breathe. "To.." Breathe. "Meet you." Breathe.**

**She gave a pause for a name, but the female just smiled. Mismatched rolled her eyes. Suuuuuuure. Leave all the hard stuff to her. Then she saw the HELLO, I AM tag that said in scribbly handwriting, 'ASH.' "Umm..Ash?" By this time she put away her brown bag.**

**"Wow! How did you know my name!" Mismatched tried to tell her but Ash kept on talking. "Wow! This is, like, the first time for me being here! I'm usually held up in the mail department." Mismatched sighed and smiled, feeling a little safe around this small girl no older than twelve. "Man, did you hear about Santa?"**

**"The-The SANTA?" Mismatched's eyes bulged at the mention of the Great One of Presents.**

**"Yeah." Ash arched her eyebrow. "Don't tell me. You're from Earth, right?"**

**"..Yeah, so?"**

**"Ooooooh..." Ash nodded, understanding some invisible fact that the girl before obviously didn't know. Mismatched blinked.**

**"What do you mean, 'ooooooh'? What does 'ooooooh' mean?" Mismatched already decided she didn't like what 'oooooooh' meant in any case, the way Ash seemed to be using it.**

**"Never mind." Ash grinned. "anyways, Santa is having this nasty divorce from the Tooth Fairy!"**

**"WHAT?" Mismatched yelled, causing some attention to be dragged to her. Ash grabbed the muse.**

**"Sssh! Want everyone to find out? This is some juicy gossip here." Ash hissed.**

**"Oops, sorry." she whispered back.**

**"Anyway, the Tooth Fairy supposedly was cheating on Santa with the Easter Rabbit!"**

**"But I always thought Santa was married to Mrs. Claus."**

**"Pffft." Ash laughed, rolling her eyes. "You Earthling Mortals! That's just a cover-up. Santa's actually a very eligible bachelor."**

**"My view on Christmas will never be the same."**

**"Good, because that's just a cover-up too."**

**Mismatched decided she didn't want to hear anymore. What if St. Patrick's Day was a cover-up as well? Or even, *gasp* Hanukkah?? "Why so many cover-ups?"**

**"Well, you know mortals," Ash laughed, "They are so into things sometimes like when we hit Roswell with aliens, and set up some of their holidays to give us some day off... come on! The food's getting cold." Ash grabbed Mismatched's arm and dragged her deep into the Olympian feast and Greek party that celebrated the new Muses being hired.**

**-End Flashback-**

"Oh yeaaaaaah. Ash. How could I forget?" Mismatched nodded, as she looked around for an exit away from her. Ash didn't seem to notice and latched unto Mismatched's arm.

"Man, it's been such a crazy month! Can you believe what has happened with Arnold and Helga? Guess what I heard? A new muse named Cross Hatched is taking the responsibility!"

Mismatched sighed. "Actually it's MISMATCHED." Ash stared at her wide-eyed.

"YOU?"

"...umm.. I don't see anyone else named-"

"WOWZIES!"

"I haven't heard that since.. the Sixties Movie Marathon when I was alive!" Ash chose to ignore that comment. She grinned and gripped harder.

"So what's it like being picked by Venus?"

"Um. Okay, I guess." Mismatched stole a look to an open window and saw Brainus talking with a random God and pointing to a golden chariot with a flying horse. Ash 'ooh'ed and 'aah'ed like she was enamored by her new friend's answer.

"Cooooool." Ash grinned wider. Then she looked out the window slyly. She nudged Mismatched. "So, uh, back on the subject of you having the hots for Brainus."

Mismatched sputtered. "Wha-what?" She giggled nervously. "I have no idea what you're talking about! I SO DO NOT have the hots for HIM!"

"Pffft! Yeah right! And the world actually goes round!"

"It does."

"Whoops, my bad. Wrong universe. But the point is that you have an attraction for Venus' nephew."

"How would you know? You don't know me!"

"Yes I do. I sort of followed you around."

"YOU WHAT??" Mismatched's eyes bulged. So that's why she felt like she was being followed. She actually was. "You're sick!"

"No, I'm the Muse of Many Talents. There's a difference. Muse of Many Talents, being sick, Muse of Many Talents, sick. See?" Ash smirked at Mismatched who sputtered yet again.

"Whatever. I'm out of here. Brainus is- I mean," Mismatched shifted her eyes around, trying to avoid the obvious smirk and 'I-knew-I-was-right' look from Ash, "ARNOLD and HELGA are waiting for me. Yeah, them! Gotta go!" Without another word, Mismatched ran away.

"AHA! I KNEW IT!" Ash laughed in the hall, pointing after the red Muse of Mismatched Couples. "I JUST KNEW IT!"

Silence echoed around her, and after her laughter died away, Ash nervously looked around. Then she ran after Mismatched, "Yo, Mismatched, wait up! I was only joking! DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!!"

-----------------------------------

Helga blinked and sheilded herself against the sun. Ugh ...her head felt like a stampede of Harolds ran through it a couple of times.

"Oy... I need some coffee.." She looked around, and blinked again, this time remembering something.

Wait a tick. She was in her own body!

The dream.

Yes.

Yes!

YES!

Smiling, she looked down expecting a pink nightgown, but to her great and utter disappointment (yet with a tinge of giddiness) only saw teddy bear pajamas instead.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Downstairs, Grandpa sipped his coffee, and looked up along with the borders to the ceiling as the scream echoed throughout the house, "Well, Shortman's up." And then went back to his newspaper.

--------------------------------------------------------

Helga paced. No. No. No. _No_. This was not happening. This could not be happening. She sighed and heaved herself into Arnold's computer chair, a frown as she rotated in circles. This was happening, wasn't it?

She put her head in her hands. Okay, Helga. Think. You can do this. You can do this. You can get through this. You're a Pataki. You're strong. You can deal with being in Arnold's body a little longer. It's not as if Arnold would get curious and accidentally open her closet and then- Another scream came out of her throat.

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!" With that, Helga stomped down to get Arnold's bureau and grumbled as she bunched jeans and a plaid t-shirt under her arms and went down the stairs as quick as lightning. There before her, was the longest line known to history.

Helga stared. "Are you SERIOUS?" she yelled to no one particular, gaining curious looks in return before she scowled at them (forgetting conveniently that Arnold does not scowl. At all.)

All this, for a bathroom? She couldn't believe it. Criminey! Frustrated, she waited outside in the line. Fifteen minutes later, she had begun to snore. She leaned against the peeling wallpaper on the wall, eyes full of sleep. Maybe if she just took a quick nap..

------------------------

She was jerked awake by a hand shaking her shoulder. She abruptly stood up, "Bacon? Where?" She looked around, with bags under her eyes and drool coming out of her mouth. She wiped it off.

"Uh.. Arnold? You okay?" Ernie asked, feeling strangely concerned for the boy.

"Um.." It took Helga a moment to realize that Ernie was talking to her.. or moreover to Arnold, which was the outer-her. "Um, yeah, yeah. Just didn't get good sleep last night."

"Ha, I know what you mean." The robed man jerked his head to the bathroom. "Are you going to use that?"

Helga craned her head around and noticed that the line wasn't there anymore. "...Yeah." She laughed nervously. "Thanks for waking me up."

"No problem." With one arched eyebrow look from the short man, he left. Helga breathed a sigh of relief then smirked. This being-Arnold-business was a breeze! She entered the bathroom, and smiled cheerfully at the mirror.

Then stopped. She looked down and then at the mirror then down again. Oh boy. Another problem. _Just greeeeeat,_ Helga sighed, then banged her head softly against the door. She was going through it all over again like a vicious cycle.

--------------------------------

Arnold woke up groggily. Huh? Where was he? He looked around and saw pink. On no. He groaned, holding his head. So it wasn't just a bad dream. It was real. _'I guess I can't blame it on Grandma's cooking like I want to..'_

He got up and looked at the pink dress. He sighed deeply and flopped back into the bed. What was he going to do? He then got up again and slyly got out of Helga's room, and looked around.

Then he sneaked downstairs and saw Bob still snoring on the couch and Miriam dozing on the sofa. He turned and went into the kitchen. Maybe if he surprised them with a breakfast they'd react better around him.

Plus, he still had to figure out what that weird dream meant.

-----------------------------------

To be Continued!

I hope no one got 'offended' by the description of New York. I'm really, really sorry if someone was! *sniff* I didn't mean it. I'm just a girl.. *whimpers and curls into a fetal position* don't hurt me.. I also liked everyone's reviews. Thanks! ^.^

(Brainus, "Yeah, review and I'll give a teaser!")

BRAINUS!

(Brainus, " er..gotta go!" and runs away*)

*shakes fist* MAKING PROMISES WITHOUT MY CONSENT! COME BACK HERE!

(Brainy comes in when no one is there. "*wheeze* Bunni? *wheeze*...Anyone?

*silence echoes*")

Please leave a review at the sound of the beep and Bunni will get back to updating as soon as she can. Thank you and Merry Xmas!! *BEEEP*


	10. It's Alwaaaaays the Quiet Ones

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Let's move, move, move! 

Reminder as to who's who (I've bolded the important major characters):

**Arnold**: in Helga's body. Last time we saw him he was at the Pataki household.

**Helga**: in Arnold's body. Last time we saw her, she was trying to figure out how to shower ...in her love's body.

**NOTE: I'm apprehensive about this chapter since I didn't have a beta-reader so...I apologize in advance for any mistakes that have been overlooked.**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

Chapter Ten

It's _Alwaaaaays_ the Quiet Ones...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Breathe.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Slowly. Surely. _In_. **Out**.

Helga stared at the shower curtains. One part of her was overjoyed; her love, naked, at her own fingertips? What a chance!

...Another part was modest and embarrassed - blushing at the thought.

And another part went "**Crimeny**! It's not like it's the first time you've seen the boy naked!"

And this was true. This was _all_ true. But Helga couldn't handle it! It was too much to touch her love's body.. all over.. in a nice hot..

"ARNOLD!"

Helga jumped, blushing at where her thoughts were going.

And it didn't make matters any better that Ernie was pounding on the door. "Arnold, what's taking you so long?! There are other people in the world that need to take a-"

"Leave him alone," she heard Grandpa say. "Boy probably had some raspberries.." A low gurgle was heard. "Ooh, speaking of which." Grandpa started pounding harder than Ernie. "Short man, you gonna be in there much longer?"

"Uhhh, just a minute!" Crap, crap, crap. Think, Helga, think. Okay. Here are the options:

**A.** Don't shower **_until _**you get back in your own body

(_con_: it may be weeks, _months_ or, dare she even think it: **_YEARS_**, before that happens, if it ever does.)

**B.** Shower with clothes **ON**.

(_con:_ still need to take them off to put on dry clothing AND underwear... not to mention she'd get Arnold's body sick from something like pneumonia..)

**C.** Just deal with it, you whiney baby.

She glared at her reflection (which was Arnold's reflection so, unfortunately, she couldn't stay mad long) as she recited the options. A, B, or C?

There was no choice. She took of the shirt and turned on the dial. A quick one minute shower wouldn't hurt, right?

That's what she tried to convince herself at least. _Ugghhhh. Don't look down, don't look down, don't feel in weird areas, gah, gah, gah, gah._

"I hate my life," she groaned as she loosened Arnold's pants. A sound she _never_ thought she'd make for the action.

--------------------

Meanwhile Arnold stared at _'his'_ parents as they continued to snore. His dream from last night popped in his head and he pondered it. It seemed so real. Like they were actually there.

Dancing, laughing, having a good time... And she looked so much like Cecille, it wasn't even funny. Arnold did a double take and then almost laughed. Bah! Her, Cecille? Yeah RIGHT!

He wondered if she dreamt the same thing too and laughed. "Naah." The boy was denser than a rock.

Deciding that his family wasn't going to get up anytime soon, he went up to the bathroom, proceeding about business before he caught himself in the reflection of the mirror and stepped back startled.

That's _riiiiiiight_, he was **still** in Helga's body. He looked down at his/her hands and wondered how this was going to work.

It was one thing to go to the bathroom (that was hard enough with his eyes closed). It was quite another thing altogether to rub soap all over his... er, her...

He stopped himself in that train of thought, red-faced. He put his head in his hands. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't.

And after much deliberation - which consisted of several minutes of pacing, a couple angry speeches to the mirror, and a slow sobbing realization that this really wasn't a joke - Arnold decided to SKIP the shower. He couldn't handle the mortifying experience of not just possibly SEEING Helga's body, let alone... touching it... all... over..

He went red again just thinking about what he **ALMOST** saw. Come on! What could he do? Honestly... Ten years old and no anatomy lessons let alone any knowledge of S-E-X!

Hopefully, whatever happened between the two would return to normal soon and he could take a nice long satisfying shower - minus the humiliating girl parts.

Because Arnold was a LOT more optimistic than Helga.

-----------------------

Spending so much time in the bathroom, he didn't realize how close to being late he was for school. He ran down the sidewalks, only a couple blocks away from P.S. 118, before he was joined up by Phoebe.

"Salutations, Helga!"

"Oh! Hey Phoebe." Arnold said back, smiling a little, slowing his pace to match the little girl's. He looked ahead thinking about his dream some more. About how beautiful Helga looked when she laughed, when she smiled... when she looked relaxed. He didn't know it but he had a big smile on his face. Phoebe stopped in her tracks and looked at him.

"Helga... are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine... why?"

"No.. reason.." Phoebe was still perplexed at her friend's behavior. First she faints, then insists she's not only a boy, but ARNOLD of all boys, and then she doesn't call Phoebe 'Pheebs' or scowl or anything remotely.. Helga-ish. "You just seem out of character this morning."

"OH!" Arnold snapped out of his daze. "Well," he tried to think of what Helga would say in a situation like this. "I was just thinking about uhh.. FOOTBALL HEAD and his lousy good-for-nothing attitude. Yeah! He's gonna get it today!.. uh.. grrrr?" He looked hopeful that his impression passed inspection.

Phoebe seemed to be reassured by this and let the matter drop. Arnold watched her warily before letting out a sigh of relief. When all else fails, blame the Football Head.

He was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled back. "Huh, what?!" He realized it was himself behind... him?, smiling a very un-Arnold-y smile.

"Sorry, Pheebs, can I borrow _Helga_ here? SHE promised to walk ME to school."

"Uhh..."

"Thanks, seeya!"

"Bye...Arnold?" Phoebe drew her eyebrows together and adjusted her glasses as she saw the smaller boy drag the very confused girl. She took off her glasses and cleaned them, "I need to go get my eyes checked again. My prescription is obviously wrong."

-----------------------------------

**SMACK!**

The girl held her head. "OW, HELGA?! Why'd you do that?"

"Keep it DOWN. And remember: it's Arnold. You want everyone to find out you're me and I'm you?"

"Uh, YEAH, so that way someone can HELP us."

"Let me put it to you in terms even you can understand, paste-for-brains: let's just say you go ahead with that plan of yours, tell people that you're Arnold..in MY body. Next thing you know they're gonna lock MY body with YOU in it in the loony bin."

Arnold nearly smacked himself too. Why didn't he think of that? "God, thanks, Helga. I almost slipped up there with Phoebe. It's so hard pretending to be you...when I've been me for so long."

Helga rolled her eyes. "No problem, it's out of my own self interest that I'm tellin' you anyway. And remember: it's Arnold. You have to call me... Arnold." She paused and he looked closely at her. In his body, she pursed his lips, looking away. Arnold sighed, his optimism starting to dwindle.

"And... I'm you. I'm Helga."

"No, no," she turned back to him. "You gotta say it with force. Gotta say it like," she deepened her voice, "Helga** G.** Pataki. Not like 'Helga G. Pataki'." She ended with a flip of her hand.

Arnold arched his eyebrow, nearly laughing. It was hilarious seeing Helga in his body trying to teach how HIM to act like the school's worst bully.

"Helga G. Pataki."

"No, _NO_, **NO**!" She stomped her foot. "You're still doing it all wrong. _Crimeny_, this is gonna take all day."

"All DAY? Helga, we've got school. Speaking of which, we should be WALKING to school right NOW."

"Well, then..." Helga suddenly looked uncomfortable before straightening herself up and walking ahead of him. "There's only one solution so no one gets suspicious." She failed to mention how Arnold's grandpa was already looking at her differently, almost sensing who she really was.

Arnold walked after her, curious. "What's that?"

"We're just gonna have to spend**_ all_** our time together."

She missed the flabbergasted look on the boy's face, trying to hide her own pale face. Pale from exhileration and joy or nerves, she couldn't decide.

------------------------

So they spent their time together up until lunch. In the morning when there was a group project to be done, Arnold projected very loudly how much he wanted to work with Helga and only Helga.

"O-okay," Mr. Simmons had blanched.

Arnold had smirked, which had elicited a shiver from his teacher and he grabbed the girl's arm, dragging her to the far corner of the class, _far away_ from everyone else.

When one had to go to the bathroom, the other insisted to stray right behind.

Arnold even threatened to give Harold a _knuckle sandwich_ if he didn't stop taunting Helga before she grabbed Arnold and told him to knock it off. This nevertheless surprised the fourth graders VERY much.

"What's wrong with them?"

"What happened?"

"Think they're doing drugs?"

"It's _always_ the quiet ones..."

"Helga was never quiet!"

"Yeah well..."

Gerald himself was puzzled why his own best friend seemed to be giving him the cold shoulder and Phoebe was confused why Helga was repeatedly pulled away by Arnold. Both were unexpectedly lonely and beginning to become frustrated - very, _very_, VERY frustrated.

In the cafeteria, Arnold and Helga got in line before he started conversation. "Do you think we're doing a very good job?" He whispered.

Helga grinded her teeth, not wanting to mention that everyone was staring at them and that Helga herself managed not only to slip up not just once, not just twice, but five times today - morphing into her Helga personality: she had called Harold 'pink boy' once, threatened several classmates to stop talking to her, and couldn't help but shoot spitballs at Arnold (who glared at her and she went "What?") Nope. Not a good score so far. Grandpa was already suspicious and now Gerald wasn't far behind...

But deciding to humor him: "Yes, Ar-H_eeee_lga." Damn, she almost slipped again. She groaned and grabbed a fruit cup, finding a table to sit down. She was glad that she got enough lunch money from Grandpa. He may be a "wiley old coot" but he was a _lot _more dependable than her family. She stole a glance at Arnold's tray and felt a pang of guilt. It was sparse, with only a carton of milk and a fork. Why he had a fork was beyond her.

Arnold's tummy rumbled with anger. First no breakfast, then no lunch. He mildly sucked on his milk, feeling unhappy. 'His' mother didn't wake up and Big Bob was long gone by the time he came out of the bathroom (without showering. All that time for moot!). So for the first time in his life, Arnold skipped breakfast to be on time for school.

This sucked. No money, no food, and he wasn't even in his own body. And to make matters worse - he was beginning to regret not taking a shower. He REEKED.

Suddenly he saw that a fruit cup and a sandwich was on his tray and he turned to Helga. "Helga, that's your food!"

"Shove it, geekbait. And I told you: my name is Arnold."

"Whatever you say, He-..._Arnold_."

"That's my name, don't wear it out." And the two went on silently eating, sometimes smiling at each other.

--------------------------

"You know," Gerald said slowly. "I'm starting to _really_ think something's up with Arnold..."

"Arnold?!" Sid scoffed. He swung upside down from the jungle gym before landing on the ground. "Talk about **HELGA**! Girl hasn't made a peep the entire day! Worse, she LECTURED me on cutting in line." Sid threw up his hands. "SHE _**ALWAYS**_ CUTS IN LINE!" He kicked a rock with his boot and muttered, "Hypocrite."

"I reckon it's cuz of that darn full moon out. Makes cats into dogs and dang fools into wise people.." Stinky, however, was trying his best to mask feelings of jealousy.

"I think it's oh-so-_darling_," Lila sighed, putting her hands to her face and fluttering her eyelashes.

"No, I think there's something more to it," Gerald said as he narrowed his eyes at the pair walking away together. Phoebe meanwhile looked displaced as she looked after them too. Indeed, ALL of P.S. 118 were gaping wide, bewildered as to how a girl who only yesterday displayed such cruelty toward to the boy she was now walking home with.

------------------

God dusted His hands. Oh yeah. He was _**so **_gonna rub this in Venus's face.

* * *

**TBC...**

I know, I know, it's been FOREVER since I updated anything. But I REALLY want to finish this - and I've got grade-A awesome ideas for Helga and Arnold. Be prepared for many more chapters to come. Though, if you want, you could always suggest funny ideas of your own - they'll only inspire me!

I'm also posting up an **update schedule** on my profile/bio so you all can keep track of what I'll be updating (as well as keeping me on my toes!)

I've also decided **(THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR HARD CORE FANS) **that I'm no longer going to try to combine both the Immortal World and the Mortal world together.. meaning if one chapter features Helga and Arnold, it _ONLY_ is about Helga and Arnold.. whereas if I mention, say, Mismatched or the Muses.. it's gonna be pretty much about them (I might sneak in a little HA interlude, but who knows?)

Overall, it's less messier that way and a lot more unified. So it could be like this: Helga and Arnold, Helga and Arnold, Matchmaking Immortals, Helga and Arnold, Helga and Arnold, Matchmaking Immortals, and so on and so forth.

Work good? Okay!

I've been reading back and I know the quality of my writing before was poor, but I want to keep it elevated! So enjoy guys, I'll be revising this!

If you feel like talking about any of this further, check out the new forum I've posted! It's designed primarily to kick my butt into updating! **I'm also searching for a regular beta-reader.**

-BG


	11. And STAY OUT!

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**And STAY OUT!**

* * *

Taking a much needed break after all their 'studying', Arnold went into the kitchen to get some nice cold lemonade (Helga was adament about avoiding Miriam's smoothie mix for some reason). They sipped cool drinks and sighed in silence, still taking in the day (as well as the situation).

Helga eyed the messy surroundings. Cushions were thrown about and there were a few discarded blankets. Arnold noticed she was looking and explained, "Your, uh, family sort of passed out last night..."

Miriam she could get passing out, but Big Bob too? She arched an eyebrow. "...Why?"

"Don't ask," Arnold mumbled, getting up to straighten the cushions. He was really uncomfortable with last night, especially having that dream.

Helga watched Arnold intently, allowing herself to relax a little as he distracted himself with tidying up her parents' mess. She smiled softly at his antics and wished so much that they weren't in each others' bodies so she could enjoy staring at him.

Her face softed as he dusted off the couch and folded the blankets. Oh Arnold... her sweet, thoughtful love. Even now in this turbulent time he was so graceful, so wise... even in her body.

Sweet Arnold. Courteous and ever-noble Arnold. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to live with her family. Her eyes grew very gentle.

She sighed. "Arnold..." He ceased his cleaning and looked at her. "Arnold, I..."

"Yes?"

"I..."

He looked expectant, and dare she imagine hopeful? "I'm... I'm sorry."

"For what?" His eyes were half-lidded and she stared up at them. Even though they were hers, she could plainly tell it was his soul resting behind her pupils. And that half-lidded stare still managed to melt her like chocolate on a hot day.

"For..." She let herself smile and be lost in them. Oh, how she wanted his eyes back, how she wanted him back in his own body with his own family.. just to look at him again! "For.."

"For?" Arnold sounded a little annoyed.

She snapped out of here reverie and caught herself. "For.. for being in your stupid body!"

Arnold should've expected this. It was always a drawn-out insult with Helga. He snorted. "Likewise, Helga. Likewise."

Ouch. Helga masked the hurt she felt by looking away and glowering. "No problem, Arnoldo." She spat, regretting her words. Why couldn't she ever be nice to him? Why? At this rate, he'd never love her back. Not if she kept hurting him.

Arnold finished tidying up, proud of his work and sat down to drink the rest of his lemonade. He forced himself to move on from Helga's insult and wished he didn't resort to her level of biting the bait. He sighed softly. What was he going to do with himself if he let her get to him?

"I'm sorry, Helga. I shouldn't have said that." He said. Helga didn't look from her drink, overjoyed. Arnold was her knight in shining armor, ready to admit whatever flaws he had.

"Hmm."

"No, really." He took her hand and squeezed it, feeling genuine remorse. "I'm really sorry for saying that."

She couldn't stop herself from hyperventiliating so she drank her lemonade. Oh, he was touching her hand! He was touching it! Squeezing it! She imagined with her eyes closed that it was with love and not just compassion.

"S'alright." Helga shrugged, struggling to keep the smile from her face.

Arnold smiled softly, and kept his hand on hers for some reason. He couldn't explain it. It just felt... nice? The realization shocked him. Holding Helga's satiny hand was NICE. He unconsciously rubbed his thumb against her palm, eyes focused on her face.

If there was ever a moment Helga loved Arnold more before, it didn't come close to this one. She allowed herself to smile, unsure at first and then gave a full blown grin. Why NOT openly enjoy this? It was rather once in a lifetime after all.

Arnold sighed, enjoying her smile. Then he wanted to slap himself. What was he doing? He withdrew his hand and looked away. What was wrong with him lately? First he thought she was beautiful laughing in his dream, then this... what was next? Kissing her?

Arnold went pale at the thought, not sure if he liked the proposal.

Helga was off in lala land while Arnold contemplated if even the idea of kissing her would be hazardous to his health.

The more Helga thought about it, the more she was happy this happened. What better way to be closer to her love than to switch BODIES? But still, she had her doubts about him surviving in this household without acting like her. And let's be honest... Arnold didn't seem very much like the actor type.

The more ARNOLD thought about it, the more he was unhappy this had happened. What sort of cruel joke was this? Now he had to be around Helga nearly 24/7, endure taunts and namecalling, learn how to be despicable in order to not raise suspicion, and to top it all off - have to wonder about so many other strange things happening to him.

Like that dream.

Oh yeah. He wanted to bring THAT up to Helga. He rolled his eyes. She'd have a field day with that. Him dancing with her? She'd laugh, 'In your dreams!' He almost laughed. Actually, it WAS! But still.. maybe there was that off chance there was something to the dream that Helga knew. It couldn't hurt to share.

"So.. I had a pretty weird dream last night."

"Oh?" Helga's heart pounded, snapping out of her lovely daydreams. Was it the same one she had? Because then that'd be freeeaaaky.

"You were in it."

"..oh."

"...uh.. and we were... dancing."

"I see." Inwardly, Helga wanted to get up and do a crazy number, just for the fact that Arnold had a dream about her! And they were dancing! Together!

A big bubble of silence got between the two and Arnold nearly throttled himself. Of course she'd be lookin' at him like he was crazy! It was only natural.

"I actually had the same dream."

"I know, I'm sorry for bringing it up. I just-wait, what?"

"You had that mustache right?" She didn't want to talk about the macarena-dancing cow. That was weird above too many levels.

"Yeah! And you were in that dress and candlelight dinner." He paused, thinking about it more. "Hey.. did it look good? That mustache?" Arnold never had facial hair before. It was rather intriguing that a ten year old would have any. It was silly to act that way but.. it made him feel rather grown up and important.

Here is where Helga made her cosmic flaw. She was thinking the same thing as Arnold: how debonaire and handsome he came off as, simply for having that mustache. "You're hot." Helga said without thinking, remembering how he looked in her dream. The mustache definitely worked for Arnold.

Arnold arched his eyebrow. Did he hear correctly? "What?"

Helga blinked and shook her head. Did she just say that outloud? Criminey! "I mean, it's not."

"..Huh?"

"...What?"

"What?"

"What did you just say?"

"What did YOU just say?"

"...what?"

"Huh?"

A silence as both stared each other down. And then the doorbell rang.

"You gonna get that, Olga?" Big Bob said from the other room. Helga's gaze went hard for a second and she turned to Arnold with a frown.

"Your cue, football head!" She growled and pushed the boy towards the hall.

Arnold narrowed his eyes at Helga and pointed at her. "Don't. Move."

Helga smiled unpleasantly. "Wouldn't dream of it, Olga." Arnold glared and then rushed to answer the door. Helga took that as her one opportunity to jet from her seat and up the stairs to her room. She opened the door and sprang at where she kept her pink books. Grabbing an armful she looked around frantically for a good hiding spot.

Of course, she could destroy them... but remembering the fire incident and how long the burns on her hands took to heal, she'd rather she just hide them in a spot not even she could find.

"Criminey, why do I have so much stuff of him?" She groaned, frustrated as she tried to find a hiding spot BIG enough for all her crap.

She tried the drawers. No. He'd look there.

She tried under the bed. Noo.. he'd look there too.

"Dammit! Where's a hiding spot when ya need one?!"

She looked around and decided on a corner, first going into the closet, grabbing her idol of him and many other conspicious objects, putting that securely in place, and then covering that mess with all of her books. She frowned.

Still something missing. She eyed the mountain of dirty laundry and smirked. Arnold knew better than to go through her dirty unmentionables and without even a moment's hesitation, Helga grabbed it and dumped it unceremoniously over the Arnold-phile junk. Smoothing out the clothing for a couple minutes, she was interrupted by a curiously annoyed voice.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

She turned around to see Arnold in the doorway, tapping his (her) foot. She shuffled her feet and blinked, hoping not to 'rouse suspicion. So many close calls today! This'd be the thing to buy the farm if he figured it out.

Suddenly she got an idea. Her face hardened and she looked at him as if he was incredibly stupid. "Setting out my laundry, DOI! I don't want to have YOU got through MY clothes."

"You mean, my clothes."

"Just shut up. It's all dirty smelly stuff anyway." She was almost daring him to argue with her. Arnold glanced at her, then at the pile, and then at the discarded empty hamper just a few feet away from the pile. "Why not just keep it in the hamp-"

"Because... because that's not the way things are done around here, FOOTBALL HEAD!"

Arnold rolled his eyes, distracted from the earlier curiousity of why she was piling her clothes in a corner. "You know, you're gonna have to quit that whole 'football head' routine. That's MY thing now. You're the one with the abnormally shaped head now." Helga hated to admit but her darling love was right.

"Yeah, well, I still reserve the right to call you it when no one's looking."

"Whatever you say, Helga."

Arnold took this time to look around her room. Sure, he sometimes saw it before, but wow - it was incredibly pink. He focused again on her. "So, you wanna give me the tour?"

"...Sure." Helga looked worried. Arnold arched an eyebrow. He wondered why.

"What about in here?" He pointed to the closet. Helga quickly moved in front of it, arms fanned out over the wall.

"You DON'T want to go in here. Uhh.. Lots of dresses. Lots. And girly things." Helga said quickly, not entirely sure she took EVERYTHING out of there. "Did I forget to mention cooties?"

"...oookay." Arnold looked elsewhere. Not much to really be given a tour of. He spied a bookcase, vacant of books for the most part. He wondered why. He was going to bring it up when he turned around, he felt something slip around in his chest area. What the heck?

"Hmm.." Arnold mused and put his hand on his chest. He blinked. He felt something! It was hard and rather large. What was it doing in his (Helga's) dress? He poked the spot again. It felt like.. like...

Oh no. Helga's eyes widened. She forgot about the locket! Criminey! How was she going to get it now?! She shook with fear when Arnold started exploring that area, and then his hand went INSIDE the front of the dress, determined to find the cause of-

Ohno-ohno-ohno-ohno! Helga watched in slow motion as her secret was about to be unrevealed in the most unappealing fashion possible. What would she do? What would she SAY? What sort of questions would he ask? Oh, she couldn't live with that sort of rejection? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BULLY HIM SO MUCH?

She had to do something. It was happening. But Helga's mind raced. WHAT COULD SHE DO?!

So she did the first thing that popped in her head.

She jumped on him.

And then kissed him.

Right on the money.

Oh yeah. That made Arnold stop searching for the locket.

Meanwhile she made every attempt to grab at it. Any stranger that would have come across this scene would have their eyes bug out at the poor defenseless girl on the ground with a very aggressive boy on top of her, feeling around her chest!

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" A familiar voice roared. Before either knew it, Big Bob held Helga by the scruff of her neck. Arnold simply laid on the floor, staring ahead - his eyes very vacant.

"Gaaah!" Helga screamed as she was lifted off of Arnold, carried down the stairs by her shirt collar and then thrown out of her own house. She growled and turned her head to give lip to that man who dared call himself her father when she stopped. Looking up from the stoop, rubbing her behind, and gave a squeak of terror.

Big Bob was angry.

No.

He was pissed. Big Bob was _pisssssed_.

A big vein throbbed from his neck and another on his forehead. Hell! There was one on his cheek! HOW DOES A VEIN THROB ON A CHEEK?!

Helga normally would've yelled. She would've normally given some lip. But she never saw Bob like this - ever. So she listened to her common sense and ran as far and fast as she could from the Pataki household.

"AND STAY OUT!" Big Bob yelled out the door, focusing on the disappearing figure in the distance and then slammed the door shut, dusting his hands off. "Lousy good for nothing punk trying to take advantage of my daughter," he muttered as he walked over to the living room. He stopped and yelled at the wall for no reason (at pointedly, at no one). "No one messes with the Patakis!" He shook his fist. "No one!"

And then he sat down and watched some football.

The very dazed Arnold was still on the floor upstairs in Helga's room during all of this, blinking. "Did that just happen?"

* * *

To Be Continued!


	12. Back! BACK TO ROSWELL!

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Back! BACK TO ROSWELL!**

* * *

A little while later after some serious contemplation, Arnold walked down the stairs still touching his lips. He couldn't believe it. Wow... did that really happen?

He looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. "Nah," continuing on his walk.

The boy was indescribably, incredibly, insurmountably dense.

He gave a wary eye to the living room and found that Big Bob was not plotting Arnold's death but watching the big screen. Treading softly, he snuck into the kitchen. He saw the fridge and then proceeded to browse through it. God, did he ever feel STARVED pretending to be Helga. He never knew the job consumed so many calories! He looked at a jar of expired pickles and wrinkled his nose, deciding he wouldn't find anything of nutritional value here.

He sighed, closed the door, and looked at the white ceiling.

Maybe, just maybe, he could avoid Helga's parents for a while. You know... until it was safe.

He started to turn around when a voice screamed.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

Too late.

He sighed again and looked cautiously over his shoulder before instantly turning his body and backing into the fridge. He froze as he stared with his eyes crossed at the end of a butter knife that was pointed at him.

Miriam had finally snapped.

She was very oddly dressed but what caught Arnold's attention was her wild eyes behind her glasses and the large hat of aluminum foil. He blinked. Her eyes darted around at every sound but she kept the instrument pointed exactly at Arnold. Why me? he thought. Why is it always me in a hostage situation? Dammit!

Arnold couldn't help but wonder why a butter knife was at the end of the contraption, and the butt of it, too!

"Uh... mom?" he avoided a jab as he slid away from the fridge and into the corner where the cupboards were. His eyes went from the end of the butter knife to Miriam to the living room where Big Bob blissfully was unaware the danger his daughter was in.

"Stay back, demon child! I know what you are!"

Why is it that Big Bob can pry a boy off his daughter but when it comes to real danger in which real harm can come, he's nowhere to be found? Arnold had to smile. He was beginning to sound just like Helga.

"Mom," he avoided another jab. "What's," jab, "wrong?" He was beginning to think that even though it was the blunt end of a knife, he wouldn't survive in the Pataki household. Nope. Not for a week.

"You know what's wrong! What did you do with Helga?!"

Arnold's eyes went wide. How did she know?! "Huh?"

"I know you know, alien scum."

"It isn't what you think!" Wait, alien scum?

Miriam let out a warrior cry, one hand on her makeshift hat (you know, to repel the mindreading powers of aliens...), the other on her weapon of mass destruction. "You get back! BACK TO ROSWELL!"

Arnold wanted to yell. He wanted to scream. He most of all just wanted this whole thing to END already. He wanted parents, not CRAZY parents. 'So this is where Helga gets it from...' It seemed funny. He almost wanted to laugh.

But he was too busy trying to save his life. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"BACK TO WHENCE YOU CAME! I WILL NOT BE TAKEN OVER!"

Obviously Miriam had watched too many sci fi flicks.

Suddenly Arnold thought of something. She was only attacking him because he WASN'T acting like Helga... maybe if he... yes! He'd try it. He started to growl. "Criminey, Miriam! It's your own daughter!"

This made Miriam pause in her work to destroy the extraterrestrial. She narrowed her eyes and inspected the being more. Hmmm.. it sounded like Helga.

It looked like Helga.

But was it really Helga?

"I don't know..." She gripped her weapon hard. "For all I know, this could be a trick. So you can PROBE me!"

"..."

"I know what you little green men do! I've seen INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS! ...THREE TIMES! You can't fool me." But even as she said this, Miriam was obviously have second doubts written all over her face.

"You can't be serious..." Arnold muttered to himself and then a little louder, "Miriam, it's me."

"I don't know you, martian!"

"...Helga. Helga G. Pataki."

"I.. I.." Indecision flashed over her face. Her crumpled hat fell to the floor and she looked down in fear. "Read my mind and you'll SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES! I'm extremely important to my planet! Now tell me, what did you do with Helga?!"

Arnold gave an uncharacteristic scowl and rolled his eyes, silenting hoping this would work. "Criminey, do I LOOK like an alien to you? Sheesh!" From Arnold's point of view, this was just doomed to fail. He would die, go to Heaven, and have a bone to pick with God.

From Miriam's point of view, it was her own baby girl annoyed with her mother's antics.

"Helga! It IS you!" She dropped her weapon and hugged Arnold. Arnold blinked, disbelieving that it actually DID work.

And then he learned:

**Rule #1**: Whenever possible, work 'criminey' in.

and

**Rule #2**: Be as mean and ruthless as possible.

and

**Rule #3**: The Patakis were crazy.

Miriam held her face away from Arnold suddenly, face scrunching up as if something really disgusted her.

"P.U.! Helga! Have you taken a shower lately?"

"Uhh.."

And that hesitation is how Arnold found himself staring at a piece of soap again for the second time that day.

"Why me? Why?" He groaned.

"I don't hear any happy sounds of scrubbing, missy!"

"Criminey, I'll get to it, Miriam!" Ugh, Arnold thought. He didn't like being rude to adults... especially to 'his' parents. But he supposed that they were so used to Helga's meanness that anything different would seem rather... alien to them. He shuddered as he remembered Miriam's breakdown.

It'd be better to stay in-character as Helga for 'his' parents' sanity... if not his own safety.

"Okay dear! I'm just gonna grab your laundry in your room, okay?"

"Fiiiiiiineee.." Sure he hated acting like Helga, but MAN! He had to admit he was good at it.

* * *

To Be Continued.


	13. The Loophole

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**The Loophole**

* * *

The moon looked soft and beautiful, friendly and familiar - something Arnold clung to in strange surroundings. He looked up with half-lidded eyes and let out of breath of air. These past few days had been so confusing, so new, and so... he tried to think of another word for it. Wonderful and exciting in a way?

Maybe. He was pretty sure this didn't happen to EVERY ten year old he knew.

He wondered why this happened. Why it had to happen to him... and Helga. It was so peculiar - his own enemy and him.

But Helga was never his enemy, was she? Sure, she was mean and she teased him... insulted him... always took every opportunity to make him feel lower than dirt... pushing him into the ground and-

Okay. So he didn't really think of Helga on the best level, especially lately. But he knew, somewhere deep down, that she wasn't really this way. There was something gentle he'd catch in those eyes at times... especially today when she was apologizing. But what for?

Heh, he smiled to himself. He doubted he'll ever find out.

He curled on his side, sighing, trying to get used to the room. For such a masculine girl, she sure loved pink a lot. It was so much more different than his own blue surroundings. No potato alarm clock, no sound system: just pink, pink, pink.

And that pile of books over there.

Hmmm.. pile of books. Wait. Pile of books? He arched his eyebrow at the darkened corner, the clump of books blatantly in the corner. All were the same size, the same color and he noticed something. "Huh... they all look like that book of poetry I once found."

Silence for a moment.

"Imagine that, Helga shops at the same place that poet goes to!"

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your hats off for the densest boy in America. Thank you.

He settled back to bed. For some reason he thought more about yesterday when the switch first happened. Let's see, he was just insulted by Helga - again - and then he was eating lunch with Gerald... and then he blacked out.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Well, except that last part. Ugh. What triggered it? What unleashed this very unfunny ironic hell on him? But the more Arnold thought, the more it escaped him. What happened to click together to create this cosmic unbalance?

Figuring he wouldn't get anywhere today and that he had a long day at school tomorrow pretending to be Helga (ugh), he gave up... for now. Arnold nuzzled his head into the pillow and looked up at the moon, missing his family so very much. Little did he know that on the other side of town, his counterpart was doing the same thing - missing her home, her room, and her love.

'Why did I ever wish for her life anyway?' He cuddled into the pillow, not liking the hardness of the bed and sighed, settling into the sleep. A few moments later, Arnold suddenly sat up in bed, eyes wide.

"Oh. My. God."

-------------------------------

In Heaven somewhere, God let out a curse for the first time in a long time. A few angels gasped and one covered a younger's ears - all blushed, unused to such language. But since it was God, hey, it was allowed! He was Alpha AND Omega after all.

When he stopped, he signaled for an angel to come hither.

"Contact Michael, Gabriel, and My Son for me." The angel gave a questioning look. God waved his hand for the angel to hurry.

"Just tell them the boy figured out the loophole."

* * *

To Be Continued!

Wow, I'm really, really, REALLY happy everyone's welcoming this story back with open arms. The hits on this story alert me how many people 'read' and it's a lot, thank goodness! Though, I'd still like everyone to review obviously so they can let me know I sucked or not.

It was actually EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for me to write this chapter because I've had such a bad unfunny week. Let's just say I've had family problems on top of boyfriend problems on top of work problems on top of PMS problems. So y'all better LOVE me for updating this even though it's technically a day late... (come on, I had a bad week. It's a miracle I even wrote this!)

So LOVE. **LOVE ME!**

Several people have complained about the bolded and italicized stuff. I only did it to have certain words pop out but maybe I overdid it after all so I'll cut back (but I can't stop entirely.)

The next few chapters will be primarily "Olympian"-based... but it'll contain a LOT of planning for Helga and Arnold, as well as hilarious cameos from the Fanfiction Con!

In other news: **Stillllll lookin' for that beta-reader.**

-BG


	14. Jesus, Grow up!

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Let's move, move, move!

Reminder as to who's who:

Arnold: in Helga's body. Last time we saw him he was at the Pataki household.

Helga: in Arnold's body. Last time we saw her, she was trying to figure out how to shower...in her love's body.

The Gods, Goddesses and Muses:

Light

Leilah (Goddess of Romantic Get-Togethers): Young and inexperienced. Gets into trouble a lot.

Ditey (Muse of Star-Crossed Lovers): The natural leader and the oldest and most experienced out of all muses. Has a bad temper and is known to throw tantrums.

Zire (Goddess Of Secrets): Knows everything about everyone. Don't bother lying to her. Likes Invader Zim; rumored to be Athena's lovechild with an alien.

Xiao (Goddess of Fighters): Angry, tough, but well-meaning. Doesn't know her own strength. Likes anime. Aspires to be like Athena someday.

Meagan (Goddess of Music): Small parts here and there, but sets the mood nonetheless for romance. Apollo's daughter.

Loi (Goddess of Love Thoughts!): Is incredibly familiar with Helga and is more or less the consultant of the group as far as what to do with her.

Pax (Goddess of Peace): The calm rational one of the group.

Forseti (the Norse God of Justice): means well, but is admittedly a little dumb and blind - often needs the direction of others.

-------

Brainy: is actually Brainus, a half-god who is on the case of the Helga and Arnold get-together. Has the misfortunate of being in love with Helga.

Miss Matched: Mismatched, the Muse of Heartbreak or Mismatched Couples (as I like to refer it) is heading the lead of getting Arnold and Helga together. Young, inexperienced, naive - as well as once being human - she has every disadvantage facing her.

Ash: Muse of Many Talents. More or less Mismatched's unofficial sidekick/assistant. Takes it upon herself to meddle into her friend's lovelife and always seems to remind people of an annoying kid sibling.

Venus: Also known as Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. Loves Beavis and Butthead. Very mischievious and has the knowledge of who ultimately ends up with who. Had a big role in the 60s. Once had a thing with Jesus.

Dark

Morrigan: Celtic Goddess of War and Fate, as well as a majority of other bad things liiike Bad temper, scowl, nasty tricks, tripping people, spreading rumors, and... despite all of this, a soft spot for bunnies. Major sabotage for H&A.

Curly: Also known as Thaddeus, the full-blood God, offspring of Hades, who has fallen in love with Helga as well. Wishes to destroy Arnold and all that is good and pure. Likes turkey a lot.

Erris: Goddess of Hate. Easily bored, sadistic, and evil. Was once spurned by a lover.

Hades: The ultimate mastermind behind why Helga and Arnold aren't together (besides their two individual personalities). Curly/Thaddeus's father. Likes pissing off people.

Neutral?

God: The Maker of Earth, the Man with a Plan, Heeeeee's God.

Jesus: A well-known hippie who likes to spread the message of love and the word of His Father. Wants to pursue a music career and feels misunderstood by his family.

Mary: Tries to keep the family together; is a little sarcastic (after all, living in a perfect world does get on one's nerves a bit).

Gabriel: Brown-noser. Archangel's self-proclaimed leader.

This is day two of the switch officially. May God be with them.

Shout out: Thank you to (reads from a card): Hellerick Ferlibay (I'm... sorry? And thanks for printing out a brochure! Big compliment!), X-IrishChic-X (Oooh, I see. Thanks!), Funny Love Girl, Koikitten (HA HA HA...HA!)

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Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Jesus, Grow Up!**

* * *

God could've nearly killed Himself for being so STUPID. Okay, He conceeded - even HE didn't expect Arnold to figure it out so soon.  
Nope.

Not in a million years.

Not Arnold.

Not him.

Not oooooole Football Head.

Not- God stopped His train of thought. Well, you got His meaning.

The point was that Arnold was catching on quicker than God wanted him to.

He had figured out just how exactly to switch BACK.

God slapped His forehead. Damn those loopholes! Damn them! "If I'm the perfect being, and I can pretty much see everything in the past, present, and future, why did I NOT see this coming?"

"I don't know, Pops. Why didntcha?"

He whirled around to see Jesus boppin' his head to some invisible beat. He sighed and shook his head. When was His Son going to learn some responsibility?

Gabriel at His Son's side looked as if Jesus stepped on his toe or something and blanched. If it had been anyone other than Jesus, Gabe knew that God would've been making angel toast.

"I don't know, My Son." Another big sigh. "What is the news, Gabriel?"

Gabriel coughed in his hand and gave a short bow. "We have two angels posted by Arnold and Helga, watching for any suspicious signs. There have been whispers of treason and-"

"Dude, that'd be a great song title." Jesus was now strumming his air guitar, and banging his head to the rock. "WHISPERS!!" he screamed and then softly, "of treeaaassoon."

A big bubble of silence. Many angels in the background snickered but struggled to cover it. God simply looked mortified and Gabriel looked less than amused. Why didn't He send His Son to that Moses's bootcamp when he had the chance? Oh, that's right. His mother told Him he'd grow out of it.

Bah. "You were saying, Gabriel?" God said tiredly.

Gabriel coughed in his hand again and tried to erase the past thirty seconds from his mind. "Uh, just that..." he avoided his previous phrase, "there is a movement to suppress your matchmaking."

"WHAT?!" Gabriel winced at the cosmic yelling. In the background, Jesus continued to strum his air guitar. "Who? Who would DARE do such a thing?" God paused. "Is it Venus?" Gabriel looked as if he was going to say something but God whirled around and started his favorite rant. All the angels sort of rolled their eyes, so used to it.

"I knew it. I KNEW she wouldn't give this up without a fight. She just wants to see me crash and burn as always." God pounded his fist into his ethereal desk. "WHY ARE ALL THE OLYMPIAN GODS LIKE THIS?!"

"I don't know, Sire." Gabriel said.

"They just can't take it that I'M the most popular deity around-"

"Yes, Sire."

"That I'm all powerful-"

"Yes, my Lord."

"That I've got THREE seperate major religions dedicated just to ME and they got NADA! YOU HEAR ME?! NADA!"

Gabriel rubbed his ear, wincing from the powerful sonic booms. "You are entirely correct, Yahweh."

"I just can't TAKE it anymore." God looked very sad. "They always treat me like this, ever since I was a little God." Jesus frowned and patted his Father on the shoulder.

"Like, Dad, that was like, so sad, and like, I'm so sorry, you had to, like, go through, like, that, when you were like, younger, like...you know? Like."

"Could you quit it with the likes?"

"Like what do like ya like mean, pops?"

God rubbed his eyes. How much more can he take? "My Son, isn't there something more constructive you can do with your time?"

"Like... working on my new compilation CD?"

"Orrr.. you know.. saving lost souls.. spreading My Word.. maybe even inspiring some Catholic people?" God threw out some ideas. I mean, come on! Appearing in a bowl of cereal and it creates a worldwide sensation? How much more 'hip' can it get?

"Daaad..."

"Oh come on, you used to LOVE inspiring Catholics."

"That was like, when I was younger."

God smiled. "Hey... How 'bout you and me, we go on down there and cause some mayhem like we used to? A few natural disasters between a coupla young rebels?"

"...Orrrr," Jesus started, "I could tune my guitar."

God slapped His head. "Jesus, why don't you grow up?"

"Man, I am grown up."

"I mean, spiritually."

"Man, you just can't dig my vibes, can you, pops?"

"What does that mean? Of course I can dig these vibes you speak of. And don't call me pops. I'm your Father. Treat Me with some respect."

Jesus snorted, rolling his eyes and looked at his nails. "Aiight, old man."

"I'm not your old man either! Jesus Christ, you better ship up or shape out...I mean, shape up or ship out! I'm tired of your shenanigan's!"

"My what?"

"Your shenanigan's!!"

"...huh?"

"You know, shen-" God stopped in mid sentence when He realized Jesus was trying not to laugh throughout the whole ordeal. "Okay, mister, now you've crossed the line."

Jesus stopped laughing and held up his hands. "Woah now, just chill, man."

"I'm perfectly room temperature, thank you very much!"

"Moooooom!"

"Marrrrry!"

The voices both boomed and a woman in blue looked exasperated as she walked to the intimidating figures. The angels had taken cover, issuing a Code Red as all of the Heavenly inhabitants braced for an infamous immortal fight.

"Now boys.." Mary started, holding her hands out in between them. As usual, it didn't work. Jesus and God glared at one another.

"You just don't get it, do you?!" Jesus yelled.

"YOU don't get it! It's been over 800 years! I've given you enough time to accept your responsibilities! I'm not always going to be around to clean up YOUR messes, you know!"

"Whatever, man! I'm through with this popsicle stand!"

"Oh, not like you've used THAT threat before."

"I mean it this time!" Jesus sniffled. "I'm through with us fighting all the time... you just don't get that I want to pursue my music career right now and you can't just impress your ideals on me, man! I'm like, so friggin done with it all!" He turned away from His Father. "You just don't understand me!" He cried and then ran away.

"Jesus! Wait!" Mary sighed and gave a sideways glance at God. "Well, I hope YOU'RE satisfied with Yourself."

"He started it."

"Real mature, God."

God rubbed His forehead. "Isn't there something you can do about your son?"

"Oh, so he's MY son, now?" Mary arched her eyebrow and poked God accusingly. "How about a millenium ago? Hmmm? HMMMM?"

God looked a little guilty and shrugged. "Come on, it had to happen! There was a prophecy to fulfill and-"

Mary crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at God as she waved her hand at him and walked away. "The same argument a thousand years later..."

"Bah! Women!" God grumbled, turning from her. "Why didn't I make them a little less hormonal?"

"I heard that!" Mary shouted in the background and God winced, knowing He'd get it later.

"Why can't I ever take a vacation like Buddha?" Now THERE was a deity with the right idea. Take a few hundred years off now and then and be all mellow in his life. AND no women either. Why didn't HE follow in HIS footsteps? "I have such a migraine now..."

God turned to His desk and sighed. Just what He needed: some family drama on TOP of this Helga and Arnold mess. Why couldn't it just be a war or something simple like that? Cripes!

"Gabriel, assemble the Archangels. It's time for Plan B."

Gabriel widened his eyes and ran off as if his immortal life depended on it.

* * *

To Be Continued!


	15. You Watch Too Much Anime

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**You Watch Too Much Anime**

* * *

"Okay, all... now, I don't know what happened back there in the Dream Scape. And frankly, I don't want to know... but what exactly went wrong?" Silence. "Come on, now, don't be shy. This is a peaceful operation and-"

A hand raised tentatively up. "Aha, you! What's your take?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to know what-" The unfortunate muse was immediately hit with a long stick and she went unconscious before you could say "Bob's your uncle."

"Anyone else know what went wrong?"

Even more silence. Ditey whacked the stick in the palm of her hand and paced. She had a "Come on, we're all on the same team here..."

Another hand raised. "Uhh.." Some grabbed their hand and forced it down, gesturing a large "no" with their heads.

"You!"

"Crap, she saw!"

"Run!" The two young goddesses ran out of the temple.

"Wait, come baaaack! I can take criticism! Really!" Ditey yelled and watched the figures disappear into the distance. Loi coughed in her hand and Zire shook her head.

"No, she can't."

"Nope. Not at all."

Ditey glared over her shoulder. "Well, I don't see you TWO coming up with anything."

"Uh, yes, we were until you popped in with your little dictator regime-style questioning." Loi smirked and motioned for one of the muses to come to her. "You, what's your name?"

"Leilah." The muse fidgeted.

"Okay, Leilah, why exactly do you think Morrigan, of all people, told you to wear a cow and do the macarena... and why in Zeus' name did you think that would inspire two ten year olds to fall in love?"

"Uh.." Leilah was about to correct her on her name but decided against it. "I... don't know? Who exactly is Morrigan?"

Ditey broke her stick in half, as if visualizing the stick as Morrigan. "She's just a no-good dirty mother-"

"Okkaay, young muses present." Pax pointed out and covered Ditey's mouth. Ditey continued to curse albeit muffled. Pax looked at Leilah a little closer. "When did you start Musing, Lenard?"

"It's Leilah, and I started Musing maybe.. three months ago?"

"Whatever. And you still don't know about the feud between Dark Gods and Light Gods?"

"Am I... supposed to?"

Pax slapped her head and decided to explain. "By Gods, this should've been taught at Orientation. Alright, I'm going to give you the short reason. In the beginning there was no differentiation between Light Gods and Dark Gods, meaning there was no border, no grudge, nada. Ya following me so far?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay." Pax pulled out a projection unit and all of the gang settled in with some popcorn. "Now," she turned it on and the movie started. It looked rather aged, like a 60s vintage homemade film. "This was the ultimate time of peace. See? There I am." A younger looking Pax grinned at the camera and winked, giving the thumbs up.

"Why do you have an afro?"

Pax coughed, a little embarrassed. "It was a different time then. Anyways, there was a council of Gods - you will see there is Hades in his pre-Underworld days along with all the others... we all got along until-" The next scenes were a bit frightening. Hades lifted up the table. Mars landed a few punches. Venus was giving a few Dark Goddesses some hardcore noogies. You get the picture. The camera moved around a lot until finally going blank. Pax clicked on a button and the light came back on.

"The Cosmos decided to split. There was a big argument between the major Gods. You know how sibling rivalry can get. It was always 'Why do you like him better' and 'how come I never get to do that' and so on... very, very annoying. This confrontation resulted in the ultimate side effects."

"Which were?"

"Good and evil."

"Oooooh."

"It split the Gods apart. One side was dedicated purely for destruction, the other for creation. However, the Mother of the Universe predicted this argument would come about and prepared for the ultimate vantage point to reunite the two halves."

"How?"

"She managed to personify the essences of good and evil into human souls as a sort of , if you forgive the phraseology, experiment. Only through true love could the two halves work together to recreate balance in the universe and the Gods could come back together."

"... you're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

"...You sure?"

"Positive. Check out any textbook on the subject in Olympia - all say the same thing. Except Kingsley. Kingsley was a schmuck. They kicked him out of Stanford."

"So wait. Let me get this straight: a fallout between the Gods created this fraction so now one side is Dark and one side is Light - but the only way to remedy this is for a pair of souls to come together and become one?"

"Exactly."

"So who are they?"

"Guess."

"...Posh and Becks?"

"NO! Arnold and Helga. Since the beginning of "experiment" - which is pretty much why humans exist at all, mind you - it has been a struggle for the Light side to reunite with their Dark brothers and sisters. Everytime we come close to a victory, they wage a war or a black plague or something..."

"But can't you transfer to the Dark Side?"

"Well, yes, NOW you can because of the bucreautic revision of the Other Side. Five millenia ago, good luck trying to. I tell you, young people do NOT appreciate the world today."

"So that's why we're trying so hard to get Arnold and Helga together."

"YES! Exactly why! Helga and Arnold are the keys to the inbalance of the universe. They are the yin and yang and together... we could restore what has been lost. With our success we can secure what we have tried for so long."

"That is," Ditey piped in, "unless MORGANNA butts her stupid self into the equation."

"What are we going to do now?" Loi complained, grimacing. "That Dream plan was the only thing we had up our sleeve."

"Buck up, guys," Xiao said. "We're sure to think of something. We just have sit here and think extremely hard for a while."

A while later...

"Hey, what about the Love Dove?"

"Kindergarten."

"There was poop EVERYWHERE."

"...Fairy dust?"

"Helga's sixth birthday."

"She tried flying to Never Never Land."

"Class Four Disaster."

Ditey drummed her fingers against her glass, pondering her drink. All the other Muses and Goddesses (ahem, including one God) sat around her, a bit dried up for ideas. One grinned and held up her finger, inspired.

"What about-"

"Nope, tried it in 1866. Civil war."

A collective groan.

"That's RIGHT," Loi slapped her head as if it were the most obvious thought in the world. "Man... was that ever a setting for romance. Union soldier and firey debutante!" She sighed dreamily. Others nodded disappointedly. She was right - it was probably a handful of good settings of the more romantic situations Helga and Arnold had been in.

A muse brightened and piped up. "Hey, how about-"

"It's only good for one try. Don't you remember the Ice Age?" Ditey sighed, dipping her finger into her drink and putting it to her mouth.

"Have we-"

"Yes."

"What about-"

"No."

"...Are you sure we haven't-"

"Yes, yes, YES!" Ditey stood up and threw her drink to the side. It fell on a muse who yelped, now soaking wet with ambrosia.

"We tried it, in every lifetime, in ALL lifetimes. You name it, we've done it at least three times! The book's been worn with those two." She grabbed her hair. "Why is it that every other couple can be solved, but these two can never get it through their thick dumb MORTAL heads that they're made for one another? Whyyyyy? WHHHYYYY?" She knelt down and began to sob softly.

Ditey had officially bought the farm.

A muse patted her on the shoulder - the very same that Ditey spilled her drink on. Ditey in between sobs sucked on the muse's hand, much to her comforter's dismay.

Xiao pounded her fist into her hand. "Love is a battlefield, Ditey." she stood up and assumed a pose. "We need to take another gamble on these kids, discover this lost potential.. love and truth will conquer ALL!" Ditey stopped sobbing and sucking for a brief second.

"You watch too much anime."

"...You said you'd never tell." Xiao sniffled and sat down proceeded to drink some more.

"I think Xiao's right," Leilah said as she stood up. Everyone looked at her. Even Ditey. "There's something we haven't tried. Something so risky, so out there, that we should try, just once."

"But what HAVEN'T we tried?" Ditey moaned, pulling her hair. "Do you know how many ROMANCE NOVELS I've gone through trying to think of that dream scenario? DO YOU?"

She grabbed the muse beside her and started shaking her, yelling in her face. "DOOOO YOOOUUU?!"

The muse must've had extremely bad luck that day to cross Ditey not just once, not just twice, but three times. Ditey let her go and the muse stumbled away, determined never to go near the demented immortal ever again.

"Eep!" Leilah ducked, watching a muse get condemned to the fate she was destined to suffer, before continuing very mildly, "There-there's gotta be SOMETHING."

"Lila's right." Loi stood up as well, and looked out of the pillars out at the Heavens. Clouds swirled around, ever majestic as their origins. These Muses and Goddesses (ahem, and God) had a calling! It was for romance! It was for justice! It was... a really bad parody of a Sailor Moon speech!

'Lila' blinked and raised a hand, "Uh, it's Leilah.." No one paid attention as Loi continued her idea.

"There's... ONE thing we haven't tried." Several looked clueless before it dawned on Ditey. She looked horrified.

"No, Loi," she begged. "No, we said we'd never go there. Not after..." She trailed off.

"What else is there to try?"

"Anything but that!"

The rest of the Muses and young Goddesses (and one God) looked back and forth at the two, completely confused as to the topic of conversation. Ditey meanwhile was now latched onto her friend's leg.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"Grow up and be a real muse, Ditey," Loi rolled her eyes. "I mean, it's not THAT bad."

Ditey pushed herself off of Loi. "Not that bad? Not that BAD?" She lifted her Grecian and bent over. "JUST LOOK AT THE SCARS FROM LAST TIME!" There were a few gasps and even a sound of distant vomiting. She lowered her hemline to the floor, walking from the grossed-out goddess, and then huffed in a corner. "Not that bad," she scoffed. She grabbed a nearby muse, yes, the VERY same one she abused countless times earlier, and shook her. "IT TOOK ME A MILLENIA TO HEAL!"

"Please shake let shake go."

Loi winced. Okay, so maybe last time WAS a little... she searched for the word. Crazy? Yeah, sure, it was a little crazy... but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Fine, Ditey. You've made your point."

The Muse beamed, letting go of the subordinate muse she had used as a stress ball of sorts. This muse crawled away yet again, determined to order a transfer. Maybe she could get a job in Hell. She heard it was nice this time of year and the pay wasn't that bad.

"You can stay here while WE go do the dirty work."

Ditey's face fell and then she sighed dejectedly, letting Loi know she won this round. A very long pause before a sigh, "When do we leave?" It was more like a groan than a question. Loi took a piece of paper from out of nowhere and displayed it in front of the mismatched group of matchmakers. Finally being clued in to whatever horror caused Ditey to freak OUT, they looked eagerly at the poster before collectively sharing the same face of dread Ditey graced.

"According to Earth time, right about... now."

* * *

To Be Continued!


	16. My Fanfic Brings All The Boys To the Yar

Hey Let's Switch Turns

**My Fanfic Brings All the Boys to the Yard**

* * *

"MY FANFIC IS THE BEST!"

"Shut up, MY fanfic is the best!"

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Who says?"

"I do!"

"Who are you?"

"Who are YOU?"

"You wanna take this outside?!"

"WE ARE OUTSIDE!"

"ALRIGHT THEN!"

"... so, where'd you get those pretzels?"

"Oh, over there. Buck ninety nine."

"Sweet! Thanks!"

"No problem."

And the two writers parted ways after the brief run-in. Such was a normal conversation at the Biannual Cartoon Fanfiction Con in Las Vegas. There were people of all sorts: in costumes, in regular clothes; some had typewriters hung around their necks in a bizarre mocking of Flavor Flav.

Ditey shuddered. It brought back such unpleasant memories. She touched her bum and winced. Such painful, unpleasant memories.

Loi grinned and looked at the Fanfiction Con. "Guys, welcome to a goldmine of ideas." Meanwhile in the distant background, Ditey was taking her anger out on the unfortunate muse of the day.

"Aren't you done filling out those papers yet?" Ditey snapped, folding her arms over her chest, feeling increasingly uncomfortable here. Oooh, she never did like Earth. So many weirdos.. what with their Renaissance fairs and their reality shows..

"I'm-" _pant_, "filling out-" _pant and scribble_, "as fast as I-" _pant pant_, "can!" The young muse was DEFINITELY considering a transfer.

"Well, snap to it. We don't have FOREVER." Ditey paused and then laughed. "Wait, WE DO! Nevermind then.." and then her attitude changed. "Wait, but Arnold and Helga don't! **GO FASTER**!"

"Gaaaaah!" fire started to burn on the papers from the speed the muse was writing on. Why did Heaven have such high bucreautic regulations? She'd never figure it out. Now HELL, on the other hand, was rather loosey goosey. The more she thought about it, the more she really wanted to file that transfer.

"I don't hear scribbling!"

A very loud groan and the muse went back to work. She hated this. This was worse than when she first interned at Mt. Olympus. Work your way up, they said. It'll be better at the top, they said. "My arse it's better!" she muttered.

Xiao looked around, feeling a little nervous. Mortals. Unless they were producing a decent amount of bloodshed, they always made her a little jumpy. She leaned over to Loi. "So how are we going to do this again?"

"Simple." She produced a pamphlet and unfolded it, showcasing a large map. She circled a section. "THIS, is the Hey Arnold! section. Almost all of it is holds Helga and Arnold romance. Meaning, we get ideas, we formulate, we leave - and they get together, and we get the credit!"

"Aren't we going to stand out?" Pax pointed out to their rather, ahem, traditional garbs. I mean, come on, this wasn't Animal House.

"Simple. If anyone asks, we're the embodiment of Grecian-Roman tales and fables. Or the female version of Animal House. Either one works."

"Wait, what's a fanfic?"

"It's a-" Loi thought it over. "It's a little complicated. Let's just say it's just made up stuff about made up stuff that people write and read when they have no lives."

"Oh. Why is there fanfics about Helga and Arnold... they aren't made up!"

"That's the beauty of this alternate parallel universe - Helga and Arnold are cartoon characters!"

"Wow! How convinient!"

"I know, we so lucked out." They both looked at the screen to the readers and grinned before continuing walking through the crowd.

"Anyways, there's a large part of these fanfic writers that are dedicated just to writing Helga and Arnold romances."

"So we'll get ideas."

"Major ideas. The only downside is that most of the plots are fixed when Helga and Arnold are older - mainly in high school. I mean, talk about unoriginality major!"

"Well, what's wrong with that?"

"Thing is, we can't wait that long, especially now that they're body-switched. We must act now while they're switched before-"

Ditey snapped. "Can we just get this over with? I don't like being here any longer than nescessary."

"Keep your toga on, Dites." Loi murmured as she looked over the map of the convention. "Let's see.. Yaoi 101? No. Batman's Shameful Secrets Forum? Nah. How to Write the Best Inyuyasha Fanfic-"

"Can I see?" Xiao looked hopeful, wanting to sneak off to see THAT presentation but was shushed when they all glared at her. "Sigh.. nevermind."

Loi browsed more. "Aha! The Hey Arnold! Romance section! On level 4 in room 455!" She pocketed it into her top and pointed dramatically in one direction. "TO THE ELEVATORS!"

"The elevators!" The gang all repeated and marched off before two minutes later going in the opposite direction, dragging Loi by her hair. "What?" she said. "Did you really expect me to know where to go?"

And since the author really doesn't want to go into any sort of details right now, she's just gonna skip through all this because she doesn't really feel like writing what we all will find out eventually through the series of chapters.

"Wow, that was incredibly insightful!" Leilah admired, fanning herself with the notes she took. "They're all so... imaginative!"

"I know. What a score of ideas!" Loi grinned, wiping away a tear. "Some of those fanfics were so sad... YET SO TOUCHING!"

"And some of those songfics they used," Meagan smiled. "Brilliant choices!"

"I know, how creative and- GAAAAAH! IT'S HER!" Ditey hid behind a Muse. This Muse, while abused throughout the whole ordeal was glad to protect her.

"Who?" Loi looked over her shoulder and groaned, looking away very quickly. "My god, it is her."

"Who?" Leilah said and began to look in the direction when Loi snapped, "Shh! Don't look. She's the reason we dread coming to this plane of universe. Maybe we'll be lucky and, CRAP SHE'S LOOKING AT US!"

There was a small brunette glaring at the group only a couple yards away before stomping and grinning rather triumphantly.

"Ha! I knew you'd come! I once wrote a story about this and-"

"Uhh, I have no idea what you are talking about, friendly mortal fanfic writer. I am myself writing fanfics and- what the hell, was this phrase book made in the 1800s?" Xiao growled, and started to stomp on a small book.

"HEY EVERYONE! LOOK! REAL IMMORTALS! THEY'VE COME TO STEAL OUR ROMANCE IDEAS FOR THEIR OWN BIDDING!" The writer screamed and waved her hands frantically at the group.

"Well, I'll be..."

"She's right!"

"They've even dressed in togas!"

"Wow, they weren't just Animal House fanatics after all!"

"Quick, get my camera! This is bigger than Bigfoot!"

"I'm so YouTubing this!"

"DAMMIT!" Ditey said. "I KNEW this would happen. Fortunately I've prepared for this," she looked at Loi, "No need to thank me, really, just grovel at my feet and-"

"Oh, just get it over with. She's getting everyone's attention."

"Alright, don't look - you'll regret it otherwise."

Loi looked as if she regretted her sentence and closed her eyes tentatively turning her back with the rest. She plugged her ears as well (you can never be too safe when Ditey's planning something!)

Ditey got out a pair of sunglasses and a black pen. A group of interested passerbys were now gathering around Ditey. She tried to control her panic and smiled. Oh, how she detested mortals! Meanwhile, the writer had her back to Ditey, trying to get more people to listen to her when an object of interest struck her fancy. "Oohh..a quarter.. dangit! It's stuck!"

"Everyone, I need you to please focus on this. What you are experiencing is-"

"Hey! Isn't that from Men in Bla-"

**FLAAAASSSSH**

"Thank you for your cooperation. You saw nothing. In fact, you do not believe any person who yells or rants or wears rabbit ears." And with that the Olympian muses and goddesses (plus one god) disappeared without further explanation - just in time for the writer to whirl around and see.

"Aha! A brand new shiny-" She looked around and saw everyone walking away. "NOOOOO! It happened just like it said it would... I mean I did... I mean... oh, fiddlesticks!" She stomped her foot and huffed. "Christ, I've got to stop writing in myself so late in the fanfics. Damn my love of shiny things!" She looked around her comrades, determined to win.

"Don't you remember?! Didn't you read my fanfic?!" The rabbit-ear wearing author waved her hands like a lunatic as writers and passerbys walked by her. "THEY WERE HERE! I'M NOT CRAZY!"

"Yeah, sure."

"Whatever."

"Listteeen to meeeee.."

The writer fell to her knees and then shook her fist at the Heavens above. "Damn you, Ditey! Damn you!"

* * *

To Be Continued!


	17. Leave It To God

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Leave It To God**

* * *

"Mission accomplished." Ditey snickered, happy to get her payback after a millenia of waiting. Ah, yes, that was worth it.

"Oh I think not."

Ditey's eyes widened and she whirled around to see the beautiful love goddess in the doorway, overlooking them all.

"Gah! Your Venusian-ness..thing!" Loi fell over her words as she stumbled to bow. The rest followed suit.

"Your Loveliness!"

"Your Most Beautiful-ness!"

"Your-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. Enough with the 'nesses." Venus rolled her eyes. "Man, that gets annoying." She narrowed her gaze at the gang. "Now, what do you mean by going to Earth unauthorized?"

"Uhhhh..." Loi shifted her eyes to Xiao and gestured for her to go forth. Xiao glared and shook her head no. Zire pushed her.

"Ah! I mean, your graciousness, we were just-"

"Save it. I know exactly what you guys were doing down there. And normally, I'd appreciate your enthusiasm, but what in Hades possessed you to do that? You KNOW I won that poker bet for a reason."

"Goddess, we only meant the best."

"Yeah, well, trust me on this one: leave it to God."

"But-but, LOOK at His track record for romance!" Loi interrupted, outraged that Venus was actually serious.

"You dare doubt me?!" She boomed and the rest of the muses and goddesses (the god had sneaked off by then, determined not to be fried by the Goddess of Love). "There's a reason I gave Yahweh this challenge and I'll be damned if any of you screw it up!"

"...but!"

"Nope. End of discussion. You all hereby banned from Earth and other portals outside of Olympus until God achieves his goal."

They all looked at the floor, resembling wounded puppies that had been hit on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

"Thanks to you, you all nearly jeapordized the mission and attracted the attention of Universe 389's Earth, as well as Yahweh's forces! They're now going sniff around us, thinking we tried to sabotage them and you know how God gets whenever he feels threatened!" She rubbed her temples.

"I hope it was worth it. Next time I won't be as forgiving. Now all of you, dismissed!" She waved her hand. They filed out, all feeling more and more dejected, even more so now that their efforts were for naught.

But in the background two figures slunk off, determined with their original plan of action.

* * *

To Be Continued!


	18. Track Record

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Track Record**

* * *

Brainy strummed his fingers against the hard surface and sighed. Man, what was taking that muse so long? What was her name again? Oh yeah, Mismatched. Hmmm.. mismatched. He smiled and thought of the concept. How'd a mortal get the high position of being in charge of being a Muse? I mean, the qualifications are pretty high..

He sighed again. God, how was he going to have the nerve to actually drive those two together? Helga and Arnold! Gadzooks, what was that Yahweh thinking?

Everyone knew that body switching was the drastic if not the ultimate approach if you wanted two beings in the universe to experience what the other goes through. It creates a sense of sympathy, and a closer bond to the two beings... but it didn't nescessarily mean they'd fall in love. It was not the average matchmaker's approach.

Then again, Yahweh wasn't nescessarily the best God for the job. His track record for romances wasn't exactly the BEST, if you catch my drift.

He remembered stories of the Sonny and Cher escapade and shivered. Oh yeah, he'd have to work overtime to prevent Yahweh from screwing Helga and Arnold up THAT bad.

Body switching was also incredibly dangerous. Brainy hoped Yahweh knew what He was doing.. if something were to go wrong, Arnold and Helga could-

"Reeaadddy!" A voice popped into his thoughts, interrupting his frame of mind. He looked up and saw Mismatched grinning at him... and a small girl beside her.

"Uhh.." He arched his eyebrow and looked at the tagalong. Mismatched's grin faded as she looked to her side and rolled her eyes.

"Why are you still following me around?"

"I can't help it! You're interesting!" And then Ash hugged Mismatched's leg and nuzzled her face into it.

"Yeah, well, don't you have that mail thing to get to?"

"Oh, yeah.. did I forget to mention I got fired?"

"Just my luck. Wait, then how are you able to still be-"

"Ahem. Chariot. Waiiiitting." Brainus tapped his foot. Ash glared at him.

"Hellllooo, BAD MANNERS!"

Mismatched could not feel more mortified even if she could repeat her prom experience one hundred million times over.

"Assshhh.." she hissed through her teeth. Ash shrugged.

"Sorry. Ma always said I was opinionated."

"Ya think?" She turned to Brainus and smiled sweetly. "We're ready to go."

"Great, we haven't a moment to spare."

"Why's that?"

Brainus sighed and grabbed the reins of the two unearthly pegasus horses. "Let's just say... we've got a ticking bomb on Earth ready to blow at any time."

"Cooool, bomb squad detail!" Ash was dressed SWAT team garbs. Brainus blinked and Mismatched slapped her forehead, burying her face into her hands muttering something that sounded like "why me?"

"How'd she-"

"Don't ask. Drive."

"Driving."

And they were off in a flash.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Hello, Master," Charon bowed.

"Hello Charon." Thaddeus absently said as he patted his dog and braced himself for the triple licking. "Steady now, Cerberus... I'll be back soon." With Helga as my new Princess, he smirked. The immortal dog whined and sneezed and barked once as his master got on the ferry.

"I take it it was a bad meeting?"

"Boring and tedious as always. You know Father." Thaddeus recalled the meeting. It was more dribble on defeating the Light side - honestly, it all escaped his notice. After a million years of it, it does tend to get tiring you know.

Charon nodded and kept to himself as he navigated his route. He knew better than to pursue the conversation. After all, Thaddeus was above him and they both knew it.

Once aboveground, he transformed silently to Curly, his mortal alterego. He fixed his glasses and grinned. Time to wreck havoc on the world.

He walked through the streets of Hillwood, paused outside the infamous Sunset Arms. He peeked through the windows and sat on top of the tin trashcans, focusing on the footballheaded boy, smiling rather darkly.

"Soon, Helga... you will be mine.."

He started to laugh rather maniacally, imagining Helga in his arms eventually. "Mwahahaha... ahahaha... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough cough! Damn this asthma!" He took out an inhaler and wheezed. "Curse this affliction mortals have!" He wheezed and then fell off the trashcans.

---------------------

"Hmmm.." Helga shivered and looked over her shoulder at the window. She could've sworn that she was being watched or something.

"Something wrong, Kimba?" Grandma said. Grandpa stopped his meal and narrowed his eyes at Helga.

"No, nothing. Just cold, I guess." She caught Grandpa's look and decided to stop being so CONSPICIOUS!

"Oh, okay." But Steely Phil was not one to be convinced. No sirree Bob.

* * *

To Be Continued!

Isn't it just funny how I can just insert myself and then have myself be tortured like that? I've got a really good sense of deprecating humor apparently..

If you google yin and yang, you'll be interested to know that the yin is indeed female and yang is male... much like our favorite couple.

And something y'all should've be asking yourselves before is: "Why is it Venus put Mismatched and her nephew in charge... when God has the bet..? And is there anything deeper going on between the Light vs. Dark as far as the battle of Helga and Arnold?"

Who knows?

Brainy says, "*wheeze* I do."

You shut up.

----------------------------------------

An excerpt for what COULD'VE been a scene if I decided for my character and Ditey to interact:

**Ditey gritted her teeth. "Hello, Hare."**

**The Hare smiled sweetly. "Hello, DITEY."**

**"Fancy seeing you here."**

**"Likewise."**

**"...your shoes are ugly."**

**"Why I outta-" the Hare lunged at her and was held back by a couple of Muses. She brushed them off and straightened, dusting herself off. "I'm cool, I'm cool." She looked at them. "So, what can I do ya for?"**

--------------------------------------------

Nothing big, but thought you'd like it.

Also, sorry for being late. Work and school. And writer's block. And I also got in a bike accident a few weeks ago - banged up my knee and shoulder really bad. Nothing too horrible though.

**TAKE PITY AND REVIEW.**


	19. Helga's Errors

Disclaimer: Don't own anything owned by anyone else.

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Helga's Error**

* * *

Helga drummed her hands on the desk, anxiously eyeing the door for Arnold. This was all going to be solved. This was going to be fine. She wouldn't freak out.

It's just, one more night at Arnold's house and she'd go bonkers (and then maybe she would fit in).

A rush of kids ran in and raced to their seats before the school bell rang. Mr. Simmons grabbed his chalk and started to outline the project for the week.

Helga glared at the door.

No Arnold.

This was bad.

He was almost never late. What if something happened to him? What if some deranged murderer broke into her house and killed him? What if dealing with her family made him want to jump off the roof? What if he choked on Miriam's food or the Chinese Take-Out had too much MSG in it? What if BOB figured out it wasn't really her and aliens came and abducted them all and conducted experiments that forced them back in time and space, leading to the Treaty of Vienna in 1606, and then they therefore banded into the rebellistic time traveling mutant group of superheroes determined to fix time wherever they went before _BobwentmadandattemptedtogloballydominatetheuniverseanditwasuptoArnoldalonetostopthem?DidtheyevercaptureCarmenSanDiegodidthey?!  
_

Woah. Helga shook her head. What was RIGHT with THAT frame of mind?

She flinched when she felt something poke her. Gerald looked sideways at her and whispered, "You okay, man?"

"Uh.." Quick, Helga. Think! "Yes."

Gerald looked skeptical. "You sure?"

"Look, just mind your own business!" She snapped. Then quickly backpedaled when she saw his reaction. "I, uh, I didn't get good sleep. Grandma's cooking. You know."

"Oh." He wasn't convinced and Helga clenched her fists, trying to repress her annoyance. "Alright. If you say so." And with another sideways glance--this time suspicious--he focused on Mr. Simmons.

Crap, crap, crap. She hadn't meant to lash out at him. If anything, the one person she had to have on her side while she was in Arnold's body would definitely have to be Gerald. If she didn't have him convinced, no one would be convinced. She already at Phil on her tail.

Oh woe was her! To be in this situation, to be without her love, to pine for home and her locket-

...her locket. Suddenly she started to sweat. She forgot all about her locket. And her diaries. And the numerous other Arnold paraphenalia she acquired over the years, stuffed in the deep recesses of her closet. All there needed to be added to the equation: a curious Arnold.

She resisted grabbing her hair and instead grabbed onto her pencil, trying to hear what Mr. Simmons was saying. Her thoughts preoccupied her and she began chewing nervously on the pencil. She meant to grab it when she kissed him yesterday, but now that she was on Big Bob's shoot-to-kill list she would have to devise other methods of covering up her love-bitten tracks.

"...Helga Pataki..."

Automatically, she went off. "He-" she bit off the eraser when she realized what she was saying. Crap! Again! Everyone turned to her. She wanted so to glare at them. Mr. Simmons looked surprised. "Arnold?"

"What I meant to say was-she's running late!" Good recovery. Not excellent, but it'll do. "She wanted me to say that so... yeah." She ended lamely, shrugging, uncomfortable with the numerous gazes that she couldn't do anything about. She tried her best to give the Arnold Sheepish smile.

"Ooookay. Well, she'll be tardy, but thanks, Arnold!" Mr. Simmons brightly checked off his roster.

The faces turned away from her and she shifted her eyes to the right to see Gerald intensely looking at her, as if evaluating his best friend and why he changed. She slumped in her seat and avoided his look, putting away the decimated pencil.

This was not good.

* * *

To be continued (obviously.)

**Author's note**

Ohhh snap, Helga's in a jam!

In other news, I've divided overly long chapters into mini chapters so if you see a ton of new chapters, I apologize, this chapter is the only new one. The rest are rehashed. I've also decided to be completely Arnold-Helga-Phoebe-Gerald-centric for the next two to six chapters which is good news to those who tired of the gods, goddesses, magic, Jesus, etc stuff! I don't feel like repeating the gods and goddesses list in the next twenty chapters, so I'm afraid you'll have to reference the original chapter to find out which character is what (or I could cut back, depends)

I'm sorry for being terrible with updates. I'd like to make an excuse but there isn't one! Except school, complicated dating life, laziness, lack of incentive, writer's block.

And since I'm getting back in the saddle, it might be a few more chapters before I get my funny bone back. Eeps! But updates will be more frequent. I'm going to aim for once a week, a mini chapter. Since they're better short.

Love you guys, please keep reviewing, or reading, or you know.. living!

-BG


	20. Serves Him Right

Disclaimer: If I did own it, you'd better believe it'd make a huge-ass comeback.

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**Serves Him Right**

* * *

Helga distractedly slapped at the tetherball, looking at the entrance. It was already Recess and no Arnold.

**Smack!**

The ball went back to Harold. He lunged at it and hit it with all of his weight.

**SMACK!**

Helga passed it back with ease, concentrating the force with the palm of her hand. Despite the deliberate force, she wasn't paying any attention to the game or to her opponent. Her mind was on other more important matters concerning a boy. A boy she bodyswitched with, that is. _Criminey! I mean, where could he be_? she thought, aggressively pushing the ball with pent up rage and anxiousness.

The natural love she harnessed in her soul came springing up. What if her irrational fears earlier were true? What if he was in trouble, out there, without her? And there was nothing she could do, noway to find him. The idea grabbed her heartstrings and made her quiver with anxiety. Oh Arnold, oh her sweet love - where was he?

**SMACK!**

Suddenly Helga was on her back looking at the sky, her cheek stinging.

"Arnold!" She blinked and suddenly Gerald was looking down at her. Pink boy was elsewhere laughing up his 'victory'. Helga knew that a big part of her now should be pummeling him or at least holding herself back from dragging his face into the ground -- but strangely, she didn't really want to.

Wait, what?

She didn't feel like punishing Harold for his apparent hubris?

Actually, yeah.. she felt mellow, she felt calm, she felt... cool. She blinked and shook her head, lightly touching her cheek. _Owww._

"Arnold! You okay, man?" Gerald's concern comforted her yet she desperately wanted to shake off this newfound feeling of peace. It was beginning to creep her out, but - as Helga thought more about it - it was necessary. It wouldn't bode incredibly well if she DID beat up Pink Boy to a bloody pulp right now (she would make a mental note to do it later - if she ever got back to her own body...) The idea made her shiver again. If. She looked at Gerald and turned away.

"Yeah... yeah." She shook off the dust on her back. "I just... think I need to sit down." As she said that, she started to walk off to the benches with a slightly relieved Gerald looking after. Gerald, as did the rest of the class, then glowered at offender.

Harold stopped his laughing when Sid elbowed him in the guts. "Why'd you do that to Arnold?"

Harold frowned and rubbed his belly. "Owww. Serves him right. Payback for me a noogie yesterday and besides-" Harold crossed his arms, "he should've been paying attention."

"Man, you know that's no excuse, Harold. Arnold's just been a little... distracted lately," Gerald weakly argued, unsure of his own explanations.

"Pffft, a little?" Sid said. "Guy's been out of it forever."

"What is the matter with that boy?" Stinky wondered out loud, looking after the departing figure.

"I don't know, Stinky." Gerald said solemnly, crossing his arms across his chest. His brow furrowed deep into the crevices of his young forehead. "I just don't know." Inwardly he was ashamed to admit he was relieved that his friend didn't behave like he had earlier today and all of yesterday. Though this wasn't his normal behavior either.

Something was wrong, he knew that. Something was off about the situation, ever since he and Helga got into it and had to go to the nurse a few days ago. Gerald just couldn't put his finger on it. Right now it seemed fine. Arnold just seemed a little... shell shocked. Maybe a good hit to the head is all he really needed to go back to the way he used to be.

Maybe. Maybe not.

---------------------------------------

Elsewhere, Helga caressed her swollen cheek -- determined not to go to the nurse again, with anyone. Who knows what sort of havoc could be raised if she switched bodies with someone else (what was brought to mind was Gerald or Harold). She shivered with disgust. It was one thing to be in Arnold's body - that she could stand. It was another matter completely for ANYONE else.

She sighed, wishing she could feel a bit of fire that she once owned vicariously. What was the matter with her? One minute she was ready to punch half the school to oblivion, the next she could care less and it rolled off her back like it never even happened.

She was acting almost like Arn-

"Psst. Helga!" Speak of the devil! She looked in the bushes by her and there was Arnold! Glorious Arnold! She never felt happier in her life! "Arnold!" She moved quickly and discretely. "You're here!" She wanted to kiss him, hug him, squeeze him, love him.

Instead, she punched him. In the arm. Hard.

"Ow!"

"What took you so long? Where were you? Who were you with? Dammit, Football Head!" Helga steamed, clenching the collar of his dress, incredibly delighted to have something fullhearted to be mad about. How dare he leave her alone at school in this condition? The nerve.

Arnold rolled his eyes and rubbed his sore arm. Same old Helga. He put a hand on her fists and felt the tension melt away. "Calm down, Helga. I've got great news." He looked around at the playground, determined not to be seen. "But not here. We have to go somewhere quiet, just us."

Oh, lord, Helga had waited years to hear those words (in that order) come out of her Beloved's mouth. Resisting the silly grin that was metamorphosizing on her face, she questioned, "But what about sch-"

"This is more important!" Arnold snapped and grimaced. "Sorry, sorry. I had to act like you to your parents. Maybe it's rubbing off on me. Are you seriously that mean to them?" He shook his head. "No, nevermind. Come on!"

Slightly hurt from the tone he took with her, Helga obediently (and uncharacteristically) followed without further questions. She had no idea she sounded that sharp until Arnold used it on her, making her question how it made her look to him.

As if to make amends, he grabbed her hand tenderly and led her away from the playground, trying to give her a smile. "I think I know how to fix this."

------------------------------------------------

He led them to an alley where she was relunctant to give up his hand when he took it away. "I was thinking about it last night, Helga."

"About what?"

"About this, us, this..." He searched for the right words as they walked. "Situation."

"Yeah, that's putting it lightly," Helga muttered. She looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was following them.

"I was wondering, why did this happen? Why us? Why now?" He paused. "I didn't ask for your life - or at least, that's what I thought." He looked at her. "Hey, what happened to your cheek?"

Helga blanched, surprised to be put on the spot. She crossed her arms and tried to hide her face in the shadows. "Umm-nothing."

"Did someone hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look-"

"I said I'm fine," she snapped and Arnold backed away, looking pissed off. There was a slight silence between them before it was broken.  
"I'm just trying to help," he said.

"Well don't. I didn't ask for your help." She was melting on the inside! If only he knew how she felt when he was concerned about her... it made her crazy with desire. This only made her love her more. All the more vital that he never find out what she really wanted from him. She started to walk further down into the alley away from him, feeling her resolve weaken. "Just leave me alone. I can handle myself."

"...Fine." Arnold said. He resisted glaring at her and tried to relax. "So, what were you thinking right before we blacked out?"

Helga stopped, and looked at the graffiti covered brick wall. She was uncomfortable with where he was going with this. "What does that have anything to do with this?"

"Just answer the question. Did you... did you want to be me?"

"What?"

"Answer the question, Helga!"

"That's crazy, Football Head! Why on Earth would I EVER want to be you?" She growled, backing into the wall as if he were advancing on her. Arnold rubbed his head, absentmindly trying to find his hat before realizing it was on Helga's head. He frowned.

"I don't know..." He said, looking puzzled. "I don't know why we're in this situation, why it worked for us. I mean, okay... what about _Freaky Friday_?"

"The movie?"

"Yeah. This is exactly like that."

"You mean... one person wished for another's life... and vice versa."

"Yeah."

"... that's crazy." Helga crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, attempting to glare at him. She didn't want to know how exactly on the dot he was with his accusations that she wanted to be him - or at least, be like him, have his family... and be on the spotlight instead of in the darkness, forgotten. A big part resisted from losing face in front of him. If she admitted to that, then it was just one step closer to admitting how much she needed him, wanted him... loved him.

Then as if realizing their impossible situation, she thought, "_What the hell, why not admit it."_ She looked down and said carefully, "So what if I did?"

"You did?!" The surprised outburst from Arnold annoyed her.

"Shut it, that's not what I said. All I'm saying is-" She licked her lips and continued, "What if I did want to be you? Or you know.. something like that?" She shrugged trying not to make it into a big deal. "So what?"

Arnold turned away from her, looking at the airplane up in the sky. The narrow edge of the two roofs almost connected, yet a bit of blue shown through. "I thought I wanted to be you. Have your," he chuckled, "well, what I thought was normal, family." He crossed his arms as well, feeling uncomfortable. It wasn't often that he opened up his heart to Helga; it was a risk to open it up to anyone about this subject. He didn't even really talk about it with Gerald and he sure as heck didn't talk about it to Grandpa or Grandma. No one would understand... and he'd wind up hurting them if he tried to make them understand. "It sucks being an orphan sometimes. I want a dad. I want a mom. Don't get me wrong..." he leaned against the brick wall. "I love Grandpa and Grandma. It's just - sometimes I want a little convention in my life, a little stability, y'know?" He sighed.

Helga's eyes watered at the precious admission and she looked away. Stability. That's something she wished she had. "Yeah, I know." She didn't want to tell him how much she wanted to feel loved. How she wanted that attention he got. How he was damn lucky to have anyone looking out for him. It didn't matter if she had two parents. What good was family if they didn't care about you? "I get it. You don't... you don't need parents, Arnold."

He looked at her intensely, waiting on her next words. She shifted under his gaze, uncomfortable and displaced. Somehow her shoes became incredibly interesting to her. "You don't know how good you've got it."

A long silence followed.

And then the shuffle of feet.

And then Arnold's arms. Around her.

She let herself smile into his pink dress, restraining the urge to embrace back. She pushed him away roughly, not letting him see her face. "Yeah, yeah," she coughed, "'Nough with the emotions, Football Head. We get it. Waa waa, our lives suck so we thought each other's was better." She wiped her face. "Got something in my eye," she muttered.

Arnold lightly smiled. He kept forgetting that underneath it all, Helga was just a big ole softie.

"The point I'm getting at is.. maybe we can fix this if we think about the opposite - how I don't want to be you, and you don't want to be me."

"That's all?" Helga said. It seemed all too deceptively simple.

"That's all"

Helga smirked. "In that case, I've got a plan."

* * *

To Be Continued!

Ooooh snap, what's Helga got up her sleeve? Daaang! We'll have to wait til the next chapter.

I've got a multitude of apologies for the lack of humor in this chapter. I guess I can't make EVERY chapter laugh out hilarious. But come on, cut me some slack! All this Helga-Arnold action is leading somewhere, and NO, don't worry - this story is FAR from over.

(Brainy rolls eyes)

Stop it, you.

Anyways, I'm also sorry that this chapter isn't as short as I liked, but I was writing the last scene with Helga and Arnold and oooh, I didn't want to stop! It was so good and sweet and blaaah, it made me want to cry!

Also, something you may want to notice: I've revised chapters 1-6, and even revised chapter nine, and will ADD a whole new chapter after nine because I realized that in my zest to deliver a story I glossed over the fact that the kids mentioned "having to deal with a horrible weekend" and then not even writing about it, skipping straight to Monday. So go on back to the chapter titled "The Weekenders" that gives more backstory! Don't worry, purists. I've saved the original version of this story someplace secure, and will post it on my website once I get it up.

So to sum it up:** New informative chapter on Helga and Arnold after "What Are YOU Doing Here" chapter called "The Weekenders" will be up probably by the _end of the week_ PLUS a new chapter next Monday. Niiiiice.**

Okay, now review if you liked this chapter. Or not. Or don't review. It's cool. Just read! I look at the hits every week and it makes me happy to know people read my work. Pass it on! (Also let me know if you want to be on a mailing list/alert for this fanfic!)

See you next week!

-BG


	21. What in the SAM HILL!

Disclaimer: You know I don't own it. Why torture me? Why?

**Hey Let's Switch Turns **

**What in the Sam Hill?!**

* * *

Phoebe always knew when something was wrong. Especially when it concerned Helga. The little Asian girl obediently wrote down her lesson plan, all the while spying her friend's empty seat. The whole class knew something was amiss, but only Phoebe could pinpoint it exactly: it had to do with Arnold.

Her eyes glided gently to the other empty seat in the classroom - a seat that had been occupied that morning by a preoccupied boy who, like Phoebe, watched the door carefully for arrivals. Although quiet, Phoebe was observant, resourceful, and most importantly: smart. She could tell who he was looking for, but she couldn't exactly figure out why. Now, Helga on the other hand.. for Helga to look balefully at the door, awaiting Arnold's entrance - now that she could rationalize.

Because frankly, it was no secret to her why Helga teased Arnold so mercilessly and who "Ice Cream" really was.

So it became a sort of puzzle for her to figure out the past few days. Ever since both kids mysteriously fainted at the same time, their behavior was a little... _off._ To say the least.

For example, Arnold was more... brutish and short-tempered while Helga was more diplomatic and... dare she say it, friendly. Beyond even by Helga's standards, that is.

Phoebe believed in science, in logic, in intelligence and its procedures - but she couldn't help but initially think that this was temporary, a fluke... It could last a few more days, or even a month, but it couldn't be permanent (she had quieted the nagging in the back of her mind that this was indeed serious, and not just something that would go away). The more time that went by and the more she observed the individual changes in both friends, the more she was convinced that this was going to be a doozy to fix.

It was like somehow, their personalities got stuck in a metamorphical washer, twisting and turning, mixing together in extraordinary chaos. Phoebe knew Helga. Knew her since they went to Kindergarten. If there was anyone on this good green Earth that she could recite the behavior of by heart, it was Helga.

She could tell with more and more certainty that Helga wasn't Helga. But it brought up another question: if Helga wasn't Helga, then who was Helga and where is Helga now?

She sighed quietly. This sort of reasoning was pointless no matter how much it bugged her. Besides, whoever heard of real bodyswitching anyway? This wasn't _Freaky Friday_.

What Phoebe didn't know was how close she was to discovering the truth, as some otherworldly beings noted.

**-----------------------------------------------------**

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Arnold didn't want to be the Doubting Thomas, but he wasn't quite as confident as Helga that they were going to pull this off.

"Criminey, Football Head, how many times do I have to tell you? If you're right, then this is the way to go."

"I don't know... it just seems so-" he refrained from using the word "hokey". What was a better word? "Dumb?" He inwardly groaned, realizing how it sounded. Maybe "hokey" was a better choice after all.

Helga growled, "Yeah, well, it doesn't hurt to try." Helga wanted to slap herself. Why on Earth was she spouting off Arnold lines?

"Alriiiight," Arnold rolled his eyes, unaware he was giving off a scowl.

The plan was to go to the playground and retrace their steps (so to speak). As they entered the deserted concrete jungle, both were wary of getting caught for ditching class - yet there was a higher anticipation of something happening. A reversal of their disfortunates or maybe a steep trip to even worse territory? They weren't sure even while both carried a false bravado. Helga observed the 'battlefield' while Arnold strode confidently ahead, forgetting that they could be caught at any moment by Principal Wartz.

"Okay. So what exactly happened that day?"

Well, for one, they went to school. So it seemed like the logical place to start there, right on the playground where it happened.

"Well," Arnold started, trying to remember. The details were fuzzy on him for some reason. "I remember you making fun of me." He arched his unibrow. "A lot." _Even for Helga._

"Oh, yeah," Helga said and then snickered as she remembered some of her insults. Arnold glared at her, disapproving her humor. She straightened, "What else?"

"Well after you left me alone, I walked around with Gerald. I started thinking about why you would pick on me when you have what I don't. Started thinking your life... was easier than mine."

"Easier?" The word struck a chord in Helga and she remembered she was thinking the exact same thing about Arnold that day too. She looked at Arnold, as if seeing her love for the first time. How could they be so different - yet so similar? The familiarity made her heart ache and she resisted the urge to cite poetry and duck behind a garbage bin.

"Yeah, that's the word. Maybe it was something else. I don't exactly remember anymore." In fact, it was getting harder to remember that moment, as if the memory itself was beginning to be erased. _Ridiculous_, Arnold thought, and focused at the matter at hand. "What about you?"

"Uhhh..." Helga looked around at the jungle gym and eyed the spot she recited her impromptu poetry to her captive audience of herself and Brainy, and decided it was better to gloss over that little detail lest Arnold get too curious for her taste. "I was around, you know... doing stuff."

"...Liiike?"

"This and that. That and this. You know. The usual."

"Uh huh."

"Yup."

"...You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"Nope."

"Helga-"

"Look, Football Head, you've got your methods and I've got mine."

"But this was your idea!"

"So? Ideas evolve. They change. I can't just put an idea in a box and expect it not to grow!"

"What are you even TALKING about?"

"Something geekbrains like you could never understand, Arnoldo."

"But-"

"We're wasting time. Sooner we get this done, the better. Now..." She looked around, and turned from him. "Maybe we should think exactly the same thing right now."

"How about 'I wish I was myself again'?"

"Doy, Arnold, it has to be exactly what we thought at the same time. We need to be doing the same things that we did that day."

"Then what would you suggest?" Arnold said. He crossed his lanky arms and glared down at his opponent, aware that he was taller than Helga for a change. "...Shorty." He could've backpedaled, could've apologized before it was too late, but he didn't want to. Helga was being bossy, uncooperative, and difficult - the exact opposite of what she needed to be at the moment. And he was fed up with it all.

Feeling strangely at ease with this situation, he wanted to make a statement to Helga: shape up or ship out. The boy knew it was playing with fire, like flashing red to the bull or saying "at least it can't any worse." Well, it just did.

"Excuse me?" This was a first. Helga never once knew Arnold to resort to name-calling, even when they were both alone with no captive audience. Even unprovoked.

"You heard me, Helga." Arnold smirked as he observed the rage slowly migrating up to her face. Bingo, he found a button to push. The wise part of him doubted this was a course, but a newer more mischievious part pursued it, thinking at one point, _"I sure look scary when I'm mad."_

"I am _NOT_ short."

"Really," Arnold said as he circled around her. "Because you sure look short," he poked her, "and you feel short... even your voice sounds squeakier."

"THAT'S _YOUR_ VOICE, FOOTBALL HEAD."

"Hmmm. It sounds 'shorter' than mine. I must've regressed an inch at least since you got in my body."

That was the last straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

First her fists shook.

Then her brows furrowed as her mind went into overdrive as she contemplated what sort of death was needed to rectify the situation.

And finally, steam blew out of her ears as she stomped over to him, attempting to grab him. "Why, I outta!" Arnold simply put his hand on her head and held her arm's length as she swiped at him. "I'm going to murder you, Football Head! No one insults Helga G. Pataki and lives to tell about it! No one!"

Arnold yawned with one hand, enjoying this new advantage. "Well, looks like there's a first!" He easily avoided her attempts to grab him and buffed at his nails, trying to look bored. Helga growled and moved away, grabbing his arm and then his dress. She dragged him down to eye level, fingers wringing the life out of his collar. One fist was raised in order to beat the living daylights out of the offender. "Listen, Football Head, you better knock it off or else-"

"Or else what?" He seemed to intensely enjoy this-this... whatever it was.

"Or else..." Helga trailed off as if realizing herself, blinking as she felt his heavy breathing. The hair on her neck rose like it had an agenda as every nerve in her preteen boy body began to blink, whiz, and ring its bells. Unsettled, she couldn't let go of him despite the lessening of her grip. What was happening to her? It was as if her emotions were clashing with her new body, hormones going whacky, blood pressure rising-

She began to blush when she realized just how close she was to him, nose to nose practically, staring into each others' eyes. "I-I'll..." She began to look frantically for an exit, even as Arnold leaned in-

**"Just what in the Sam Hill is going on in here?!"**

They both turned to see an outraged Mr. Wartz with his hands on his hips.

"Oh, crap," Arnold muttered, as Helga leapt away from him as if he were poison. _'Just when it was getting good, too. Wait, what? What am I saying? This is HELGA.'_ He shook his head, wondering if he had a few marbles loose.

Wartz was not amused. In fact, Arnold noticed, his eye twitched in a similar way that Big Bob's did - and he shivered at the haunting resemblance. "My office. _Now_."

* * *

To Be Continued!

Gaaaahhh! What's going to happen NOOOOOW?

Okay, you had to admit this chapter WAS funnier than the last two. Looks like I'm getting the ole feel back!

I'm happy that people are reading again, even if they're not reviewing in large numbers. It's fine, as long as I'm getting a little feedback somewhere that I'm not totally screwing up the story! Which reminds me: thanks to all those who reviewed in the past few update cycles. Your reviews made me laugh and reminded me people still like this story and which direction it's going.

Hellerick mentioned a while back that this story is celebrated its 8 year anniversary this past week. Wow, I can't believe it's been eight years since I've started this fanfic (when I was 13!) I sure came a long ways. I'm very happy to any of the original readers that were with me, and I hope to see you at the end (which SPOILER: is only twenty or thirty SHORT chapters away probably...)

_(Brainy "Noooooooo...")_

Mwahahaha. Yes, dear readers - it's going to be over soon! This is the last year that you will be waiting for updates! The joy! The sadness! The Expectations!

Also: I will no longer be writing author's notes. Please refer to my live-journal. The link is on my profile.

Anyway, please review. Or not. Just keep reading!

-BG


	22. IT DEFIES LOGIC!

**Hey Let's Switch Turns!**

**IT DEFIES LOGIC!**

* * *

Mr. Simmons peered through the blinds, skeptically narrowing his eyes at the object of his attention. "Oh my." He loosened the collar of his starched white shirt with one finger. "Oh dear." He wiped his brow and frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"....Are you sure you're sure?"

"Mr. Simmons-"

"Principal Wartz, with all due respect, this is surprising."

"What's so surprising? All youngsters get the lovebug... It's just unacceptable that it's happening on school property and during school hours."

"No, I don't mean _that_." Mr. Simmons anxiously clapsed and unclapsed his hands together, wondering how to word his reasoning behind his opposition. "It's just that... well- Helga and Arnold?" He looked through the blinds again at the two kids sitting in the plastic seats outside the office. "Forgive me for saying this sir, but that's crazy."

"Excuse me?"

"It's unbelievable!"

"Are you calling me a LIAR, Mr. Simmons?" Wartz rose up, the vein on his face beginning to reveal itself again. Mr. Simmons held up his hands defensively.

"No, not a liar. Maybe _we_," he stressed the collective pronoun as he elaborated with his hands to paint an innocent picture, "saw it from the wrong angle. Or came in at a bad time. Have we even asked them their side of the story?"

"They were ditching class, whatever side they have doesn't exist. They broke school rules."

Mr. Simmons struggled with this discussion, attempting to wrap his mind around the image of Helga and Arnold sneaking off be together. Romantically. As much as he tried, the idea was ludricious. He cleared his throat gently and prepared himself to disagree, knowing that arguments were never his strong suit. "It's just that, every day I see Helga aim spitballs at Arnold's head... trip him at Recess... absolutely torture the boy for no apparent reason. They could not have been 'canoodling' in the playground, Principal Wartz. It defies LOGIC! Do you hear me? _LOGIC_!"

Principal Wartz stared at Mr. Simmons and then began to chuckle.

Then giggle.

Then full out laugh in the teacher's face.

"Is **THAT** all?" He reclined in his chair and wiped away a tear. "Lord, when I met my wife in the second grade she did MUCH worse to me. Ahhh..." He smiled, remembering the nostalgic past. "Those were the days." He looked at Mr. Simmons' stunned face. "Oh come now, Simmons, don't you remember when you were a kid, a girl picking on you and it only turned out she liked you?"

Mr. Simmons shifted uncomfortably in the chair under Wartz's penetrating gaze. "...No."

"Hmm.. not even in grade school?"

"No."

"Kindergarten?"

"No, Principal Wartz."

"...Pre-school?"

A pathetic look fell on the teacher's face as Simmons avoided his gaze. Wartz cleared his throat.

"Yes, well-_ahem_-this is just textbook behavior."

"But sir-"

"_Buuuut _nothing. The sooner we nip this in the bud, the sooner it's dealt with properly. I trust you'll inform the parents and I'll deal with the two lovebirds personally."

Mr. Simmons knew that he had no real argument (that is, if he was against Principal Wartz) and that maybe his reasoning was wrong. He didn't know the whole story but he would get down to the bottom of it because despite Wartz's cajoling, he couldn't believe that Arnold and Helga were remotely into each other. At all. It defied logic!

He sighed, defeatedly nodding at his boss.

Besides, he knew when he was being dismissed.

"Yes, sir."

"Good man."

As Mr. Simmons got up and approached the door, Principal Wartz called out, "High School?"

"No, Principal Wartz," Mr. Simmons sighed again, shook his head, and closed the door behind him.

The Principal erstwhile hurrumphed and took out two manilla files, preparing for his two new victims. "Honestly, never teased by a girl in school. What is the world coming to?"

* * *

**To Be Continued!**

Please review, or you know - just read. Advertise to your friends please! Read the livejournal!

See you next week,  
BG


	23. You KILLED Principal Wartz!

Disclaimer: Oh lord, please let me own it one day. Because right now, I don't.

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

You KILLED Principal Wartz!

* * *

Arnold watched as the defeated-looking Mr. Simmons walked by, barely glancing at them. This was bad. This was really, really, really bad. But that wasn't the worst of it, apparently, as Arnold reflected later. Unaware of the angry being next to him, he ignorantly hoped that this was the last of their troubles.

"Just so we're clear..." Arnold turned back to Helga, who cast a smoldering look at him, "this is all your fault, Football Head."

"WHAT?" He did a double take and whirled around. He hissed at her, forgetting to control his volume. "My fault?! How is it my fault?"

"If you hadn't have taunted the dragon, she would've never come out, buddy... and we wouldn't have been caught for ditching class which, geekbait... was also your idea."

"Are you serious or are you just taking CRAZY pills again, Helga?"

"Okay one, not taking crazy pills. And two: see? There you go again telling everyone NORMAL your crazy Football-headed schemes. I'm ARNOLD. Get your story straight." Helga crossed her arms and tapped her foot against the ground, still annoyed of her love's bold stint earlier by aggressively teasing her like that.

"This isn't my fault!"

"Yes, it is," Helga said through a gritted voice.

"No, it's not."

"Is so." Helga reached and poked him in the shoulder in a vain attempt to intimidate the boy. Under normal circumstances, Arnold would've thought twice before resorting to her level.

But this was not a normal circumstance.

And face it... he was sort of at her level, technically speaking. So it wasn't entirely surprising when he poked her back in retaliation.

"Is not," he said.

"Is SO."

"Is NOT."

"IS SO!"

"IS NOT!"

"YES, IT IS!"

"NO! IT'S NOT!"

"BOTH OF YOU INSIDE MY OFFICE! IMMEDIATELY!" A booming voice interrupted their poking match and both guilty parties looked up at a steaming mad Principal Wartz.

As they walked past him into his office, Helga muttered an inaudible, "_Yesitis_." Arnold glared in return as Principal Wartz slammed the door behind him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Never before have I seen such irresponsible behavior in my tenure as principal of PS 118." The two pairs of eyes watched him intently, as if their lives were in Wartz's hands. "It's unprecedented that I have this much trouble with two fourth graders like yourselves. Twenty-five years. Twenty-five! That's how long I've been in this business and I've never ever ever..." he took a deep breath, hit his chest a few times, coughing.

"Excuse me," he said, shaking his head. He was feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. Rolling his shoulders, he pressed onwards to his task. He slammed two sets of files down on his mahogany desk and smiled grimly.

"Do you know what those are?"

Silence.

He continued, "Something that's going to stay with you for a very long time. Now, at any other school, they may frown on the sort of thing that has gotten both you here -- but I'm going to take real action." He paused for dramatic effect and put his hand on the files.

"Now I've got BOTH your permanent records in front of me." He lifted one and read off the label. "Helga Geraldine Pataki. Looks like we got here a bully," he coolly looked at Arnold who fidgeted in his seat. He flipped through the rather thick file that could've passed as a short novel instead of a simple file. "A looot of earmarks here." He popped it open at random. "Let's see.. '_troubled_'... '_excitable_'... '_violent_'... Well, well, Ms. Pataki. Got quite a history here. Bullying since kindergarten." Helga hid her scowl while Arnold became engrossed in thought as he remembered Helga's behavior _did _stretch back since before he knew her. He stole a glance at her and wondered why.

"This may be the straw to break the camel's back," he insinuated to the boy, glaring menacingly before turning his attention to another file.

"And Arnold... hmmm.. looks like some sort of mud mark on it. Doesn't want to come off.. anyway." He popped it open and blinked. "Not the same story here. '_Promising_'... '_courageous'_... not quite as colorful as Ms. Pataki, eh?" He smirked at both students. "Well, that's about to change."

He shut the blinds so it became dim. The two nine year olds shifted their eyes to the darkness and increasingly became uncomfortable.

"Why don't we get the story straight. I know what you're doing."

"You DO?!" Arnold blurted out and Helga glared at him, slapping him on the shoulder.

"Ow," he said quietly, rubbing the wound. He gestured to Wartz's back. _"He knows!"_ he whispered.

"He doesn't know," she whispered back. "There's no way he could know."

Wartz suddenly turned around and shone a harsh light in their faces. "Of course. You think you can hide it from the Wartz. Think again!" He chuckled to himself, as if he were much smarter than he really was. "Did you really think you could get away with it?"  
Arnold and Helga both looked at each other, eyes flinching in the face of such brightness. "... no?"

"That's right, you can't get away with it! Not on my campus, anyway."

Feeling some sort of mistake _was _being made, Arnold held up his hand, "Uhhh... Principal Wartz?"

"Save your breath, kid." He leaned down and glared at Arnold. "I'm onto you." He pointed at Helga. "Both of you."

Arnold resisted sighing at the dramatics. "Principal Wartz, I think you've got the wrong idea."

"Oh do I? Do I really?" He slammed the files down on his desk for the second time. "I don't think so."

Silence followed and Helga rolled her eyes, wondering how long they were going to have to be submitted to this melodramatic torture. Arnold wondered how to talk sense into the Principal. Obviously they were talking about two different things. They had to be, because what Wartz was talking about was crazy. At least, Arnold thought it was.

Helga murmured to Arnold, "This guy is nuts." He chose not to argue with the popular sentiment.

Principal Wartz gave a smug smile and looked at the two youngsters, remembering his own youthful romances in grade school. Ahh, the teasing -- the merciless teasing. He coughed into his hand and waved off the memories. "So, how long as this been going on?"

Arnold looked at Principal Wartz carefully, "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Whatever you guys are up to, you better quit it."

"Or else, what?" Helga taunted, crossing her legs, feeling in the mood to punch something... or someone. She gave a sidelongs glance at Arnold as if to transmit her hatred. And as if he could pick up the wavelength of petty dislike, he glared back.

"What are you doing," he mouthed.

She smirked and looked back at the increasingly-irate Wartz. The big body of blubber bouldered on and stared intently at the boy in front of him. "Young man, I'm not in the mood for this. Don't push me into suspending you."

"Ooooh, so now we're talkin' suspension." She gave a shocked look and leaned back in her chair, looking at her nails, buffing them against her shirt collar. "Lookie here, Wartz. If you do suspend me, consider it a favor for both of us. I get free time off, you don't have to deal with me. Win-win. One condition, though: can we wrap this up in time for _Wrestlemania_? It's going to start in another hour."

"Why you-you...! I'm going to write you up for detention hall, mister. You won't see the light of day for years! Just you wait! Wait until your family hears about this!" Wartz yelled as he went into another room to grab his pad of paper. He began rooting through boxes, forgetting in his anger that his pad was on his desk.

Helga looked a little satisfied at her accomplishment and looked at her less than pleased looking companion, feeling even more elated at his evident displeasure. Her companion was dumbstruck. Who's to say that tomorrow that for no reason at all, they'll wake up in their own bodies... and he'll be stuck with a year's worth of detention? The thought hit him like a bolt of lightning and anger awakened him.

"Helga, what the hell?" Arnold hissed at her. "Why'd you do that?"

"Felt like it."

"Felt like getting ME in trouble?"

"Oh yeah. _Felt good_."

"...are you an IDIOT?"

"Well, I AM in your body after all..."

Arnold smacked himself in the forehead and gritted his teeth, feeling an unexpected surge of rage go through his veins. It was hot and unbearable, like holding an iron over the fire without gloves. He began to quake as unfamiliar words popped out of his mouth, "Shut up and sit down."

A little surprised, Helga looked at him before rolling her eyes and waving him off. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." She was getting a little bored with this whole spectacle and wanted to go home.

Arnold was at his limit. The quaking shifted into trembling when he exploded, "God, why do you have to be this way?!" He felt like tearing out his hair from the frustration of dealing with someone as difficult as her. "Why can't you just be agreeable, just once?"

Helga got up from her chair. "Hey, hey, I'm agreeable to no one. Not without a price. 'Specially not to _lousy football-headed geeks_."

"Look who's talking, Helga. We're in trouble because of your plan!"

"Doy! Arnoldo, this all started because you told me to ditch school!"

"I told you, I'm onto something! I figured this whole thing out!"

"You and your crazy football-headed schemes are driving me up the wall! You're never going to figure this out, bucko. NEVER! You know why? We're stuck like this! Forever!"

Arnold blanched, "Excuse me?" He was so engrossed into the argument that he failed to realize Principal Wartz standing in the doorway staring at them. Arnold snapped at Helga, "What did you just say?"

"Forever! For-ever. Foh. Ev. Ehr. Finito. Until the end of the universe. Until we die. You will be me, and I will be you."

"Yeah, well... At least, I'm doing something constructive."

"Yeah well, can you stop?" Helga bit back.

"And do what?"

"And shut up!" Helga walked away from him, facing the wall.

"No, you shut up first!"

She whirled around and held up her fist, as if to strike him down. "No, you!"

"Argh! WHY ARE YOU DRIVING ME CRAZY?!" Arnold's hands went into his long locks of hair, tempted to make Helga bald.

Helga yelled at the top of her lungs. "Yeah, well, you're driving _ME_ crazy even more!"

"You think I LIKE being a girl? Do you?"

"Well being you is no picnic either, bucko!"

"WHY? Why did this have to happen to me?"

**THUMP!**

Both eyes wandered to the comatose body of Principal Wartz.

"Aw, man..." They both said.

"Yeah, this is just what I need right now. A dead body," Helga said.

"Let's see if he's okay, at least." Arnold walked over cautiously with Helga in tow.

She looked around to see if anyone was coming in to inspect the source of the noise. "We should leave or something. No one knows we're here except Mr. Simmons."

"Are you saying we have to kill Mr. Simmons now?"

She didn't respond and Arnold noticed.

"Helga!"

"What? It's worth looking into," she shrugged her shoulders humorously.

"Glad you're finding this funny," Arnold said as he leaned over Principal Wartz.

Helga nudged him with her foot. He barely moved and she rolled her eyes at the situation. "Great, we killed Principal Wartz," she muttered.

Arnold looked guiltily down at the body and rubbed his forehead. Forget a year's detention, he'll probably get a life sentence now. This situation was getting worse and worse.

What Arnold didn't know was that he was right: it was going to get worse and worse.

* * *

**To Be Continued!**

Also, check out the live journal! The link is on my profile!

Please read and review. Thanks!


	24. Don't Hide

Disclaimer: Hey, yo, don't own Hey Arnold! -- but know if I did, I'd avenge its death in a moment's notice.

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

Don't Hide

* * *

It was eerily quiet in the detention hall the next day. Arnold and Helga sat a few arms' length apart, both deciding not to look in the other's direction. Immature, sure -- but grippingly satisfying as well? Yes.

Principal Wartz had not died. Well, not yet anyway.

After his brief fainting spell due to a mild panic attack, he awoke from his stupor long enough to sentence "Helga Pataki and Arnold Whatshisface to a thousand years of detention" and then slipped back into a drug-induced sleep. They whisked him away by ambulance, leaving behind two long faced preteens pondering their fate.

In the cool quietness of the school after the rest of the kids went away, only the solemn snoring of the teacher supervising them remained. His head dipped back with a newspaper covering his face and his feet propped up on the desk, the man didn't even bother to cover up the fact that even he thought detention hall was boring. Helga contemplated her escape more than once, agonized by the fact she was missing _Wrestlemania_... but also incredibly thrilled at the same time to be next to her beloved, whom she stole quick shy glances at.

No more than ten minutes went by before the long-avoided conversation started.

"So," Arnold said.

"Hm," Helga said.

The silence screamed in their ears as they both passively tried to engage the other in conversation. After all, it was bound to be one of them to crack... an ensuing battle for dominance waged, an excessive power trip, a mind-boggling mental game that-

"Ugh, can we just stop this?" Arnold said. He turned to Helga. "Look, I'm sorry I blew up at you yesterday. I really am."  
"Mm-hmm." Helga said, her arms crossed, watching him from the corner of her eyes.

"No, really, Helga," he reached for her hand and touched it. "I shouldn't have said those things yesterday. I don't know what's happening to me."

She went lax at his touch, tenderizing like meat before a mallet - so her face immediately went tense to compensate. But she didn't pull away from his grip and let him continue.

"It's like... I can't control myself anymore. When I'm around you, the worst seems to come out of me for some reason. I've never lost my temper like that before. Never." Arnold was still stunned when he remembered the things he shouted, the things he thought. He couldn't remember a time when he was that angry. There was Helga aggressively fooling around with the situation and his reputation... without a care in the world. So foolhardy, so reckless, so admirable the way she stood up in the face of Wartz.

Wait. Admirable?

Arnold brushed that thought away. Admirable. Yeah right. He looked sheepishly at Helga who still had her head turned away from him. He squeezed her hand. "Forgive me?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, and withdrew her hand. What he didn't know was how it tingled with his golden touch and how close she was to swooning. _Oh Arnold! Whatever shall I do with you?_ she thought.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

He smiled, relieved. In her own way, he figured that she let bygones be bygones. Sometimes he saw through that appearance she put up and saw her agitation -- and always wondered why it was so difficult for her to accept the things he said to her. It was almost as if she like-liked him or something.

He almost laughed at the ludricous thought. Yeah, sure. First admiration? Now he was assuming Helga G. Pataki actually liked him, in any form. Whatever. He must be going crazy. With an earnest smile, he propped his head on his palm and looked outside the window. The sun was still out and birds flew around in the heavenly blue sky. He sighed.

Helga gave her wobbly smile as she admired how beautiful his essence was. It was times like these that she was reminded of what she really loved about Arnold: his personality... his dreams... his being. Not his outside appearance. (Of course, that helped though).

"So... what did Grandpa say yesterday when he picked you up?"

Helga blinked and looked away. "Not much," she said, putting her face down on the desk. In fact, it was rather brutal.

**------------Flashback -------------**

She looked over her shoulder at the lonely figure on the school steps as she was ushered into the old vehicular behemoth. Grandpa looked sideways at Helga as she buckled in. "So you want to tell me what happened, short man?"

"Not really."

"...." Grandpa narrowed his eyes as he turned on the engine. "O-kay."

Helga looked out the window at the darkening sky. A thought of a solitary figure at the steps of the school waiting for something that wouldn't come gave her an odd chill. She touched the cool glass and wondered where he was, the love of her heart. She clenched her fist when she remembered his accusations, wanting to throttle him into dust. "Grrr," she said. "Stupid football head."

"What was that?"

She whirled around at the old man. "Uh, I said... Stupid Principal Wartz." _D'oh_. She could've smacked herself on the forehead. Of all the un-Arnold things to say, that was probably at the top of the list. Rolling her shoulders back and lifting her chin, she rationalized to herself: this was an old guy. He was probably half-blind and almost deaf. No way he could've heard what she said. And even if he did, his brain was mush. She almost smirked. Yeah, nothing to worry about.

They rolled to a stop at a light. Just when she thought she was home-free, Fate smacked Helga a good one. "Just who in the Sam Hill are you?"

She froze and stared at him. Grandpa crossed his arms across his chest and scowled at her.

She licked her lips and tittered nervously. "What are you talking about, Grandpa-"

"I ain't your Grandpa and you know it!"

Woah boy. This was trouble. Think, think, think, Helga. _How do you get yourself into situations like these, ole girl?_ she thought.

The light turned green, which escaped the attention of the driver.

"I'm onto you," he said, wagging his bony finger at her. "Steely Phil knows when he's being fooled. I dunno how you're doing it or why -- but I'm gonna figure out what's goin' on. Mark my words."

Helga became irritated, almost shoving his hand aside and giving the guy a knuckle sandwich. Then she panicked knowing that if she did that it'd only make the situation more worse than it was and began wondering what Arnold would do.

Forgoing her instincts, she shrugged her shoulders and gave a half-lidded nonchalant look. "Whatever you say, Grandpa."

She knew she hit the jackpot when she saw the perplexed look on his face. Whenever in doubt, fall back on familiar catchphrases.

Grandpa scratched his bony chin, confused at what just happened. Gosh darn it, had old age gotten the best of him again? Why does something feel off? He looked closely at the boy he thought was Arnold who stared back at him.

**HOOOOOONK. HOOOOONNK.**

He snapped out of his reverie and looked out the window, shaking his fist. "I'm moving, I'm moving! Keep your shorts on, you blasted horse snatchers!" He pressed on the gas and sailed off, brushing off his suspicions -- maybe it was raspberries.

Helga breathed a sigh of relief. Another minute and she thought he'd see through the facade. As great of an actor as she was, Arnold's grandpa seemed to have a keen eye for deception.

**--------------------End Flashback-----------------------**

She rolled her head to look at Arnold who was doodling aimlessly on some paper. She smiled, enjoying her view. "What about you?"

"Hmm?"

Even though she knew the answer, she dared to ask, "How was it with my parents last night?"

"Oh you know.." he fumbled with his words, a bit quiet. "I think they forgot to pick me up so I took the bus. Your mom forgot to make dinner and your dad wasn't even around." He paused. "Is it always like that?"

Helga felt sympathy for her dream-lover. She wanted to embrace him... and pummel him for his stupidity - at the same time. Of course it was always like that. As far back as she could remember, it's all that there was. Normally Helga would retort a hotheaded reply, but knowing that Arnold experienced it firsthand deflated her pride and made her wish that he was never in her place.

He took her silence as an affirmative and laid his head down as well. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"Pfft. Like anyone would care."

"That's not true, Helga."

She sat up at the harsh tone in his voice and looked at him. He looked at her with such determination that she almost broke. But she held herself together and stuck out her chin. "Yeah, right."

"Helga, Phoebe would. Your friends would."

"Friends. Hah." It was a deep, humorless laugh. It was a sad one, too. "You don't get it, do you? You've, what... experienced maybe a few days... at the most five. I've been living like this since day one. And I'm supposed to be Betty Cryalot about it?" She stood up, suddenly incredibly angry at the situation. How dare Arnold try to lecture her on her life. Where was he all this time, _her big **strong** protector_? What a joke. He didn't know anything about nothing.

Arnold bit his lip. Maybe he said too much. But he couldn't just say nothing and let it pass by unnoticed. If it bothered him, it had to have been killing Helga. He didn't know how much pain she was in, especially since last night was the first time he began to notice it.

He saw the rage radiating off her in waves and moved near her cautiously. "I'd care."

"What?" she snapped, feeling increasingly uncomfortable from the closeness.

"I'd care if you were sad, or happy, or-or-whatever! I care! I can't help it!" He grabbed her and held her with all of his strength. Shocked, her eyes went wide and she went limp in his strong embrace, fingers twitching, aching to touch him back. She dug into his back, the world be damned, and held onto him as if he were the last thing in the universe that would keep her afloat among the madness.

"You're my friend," he said into her hair, "Don't hide from me, Helga. Don't hide."

Letting her defenses down for the first time -- in a long time -- Helga melted and let herself be found, if only for this moment of weakness where she didn't find it in her heart or her soul to deny him any further.

As the clock struck five, birds flew into the distant sunset as the two young children found comfort in one another. In the background, the teacher continued to snore, oblivious of what the two delinquents were doing.

* * *

**To Be Continued!**

Yeah, this is a lot more somber than I meant it to be. But I mean it to signal a tone that's going to come in the last six or so chapters: a bit of dark romance. Also, this is still PG. They're nine! Most they can do is kiss. Remember that folks! :D Read my livejournal for more in-depth commentary.

**Please review.**


	25. They're All Crazy

Disclaimer: Don't own Hey Arnold! Wish I could say it in a more stylish way.

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

They're All Crazy

* * *

Her fingers drummed impatiently on a rock. A few twigs dangled in her hair and the dirt on her dress gave her a bit of a run-down look. Her shoes were discarded, broken at the straps. She rubbed her heel and glared menacingly at the chariot who caused all of her misfortunes at the moment.

"Hey, Mismatched. Hey. Hey. _Heeey_."

"What?" She sighed, feeling a bit exhausted after spending a few days with her new 'friend'.

"Are we there yet?" Ash asked. Mismatched gave her a look and turned her attention back to her feet. At least she tried to.

"Are we thhheeerre yet?"

"....No."

A few minutes passed.

"Now are we there yet?"

Choosing not to dignify that with a response, Mismatched massaged her toes, wishing she could listen to some music or write in her journal. She looked wistfully at the chariot as Ash continued to ask her question. Biting her lower lip, she thought about the occupant below the chariot steadfastly working on their salvation.

"Are we there yet, lover lips?"

Blushing, Mismatched whirled around. "For the love of Jupiter, NO!"

"No need to get snippy," Ash sniffed. "Just thought you didn't hear me."

Mismatched sighed again, this time regretting her tone. "Look, sorry Ash... but come on, we're not even moving anywhere!" She pointed at the broken down chariot. "We're not even in the chariot!"

"Pfft, shows how much you know. The earth is moving as we speak! Like now... and now... and now... and now... and now-"

"Arrgghh," Mismatched covered her ears and yelled, "Brainus! How long until we're moving?"

"And we're moving right now!" Ash said and began to run around, waving streamers in the air. "NOOOWWW!"

Brainus looked up from underneath the chariot, oil smudges all over his beautiful face. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and watched as Ash ran around the area. "Hard to say. We're in disenchanted territory where our powers don't work. Just our luck that the flying horses were spooked by those dragons and we crash here."

"Baaah," Mismatched pouted and rolled onto the grass. Seriously, was there anything she was taught when she was a mortal that was remotely true in the immortal world? Dragons, Santa Claus... the next thing she'll probably find out is that aliens do exist! She rolled her eyes. Yeah right. "At this rate, we'll get to Helga and Arnold when they're old and gray!"

"Old and gray, old and gray, old and gray," Ash sang, skipping with her streamers. "Lalalala." She threw up the streamers and they floated down angelically onto Mismatched's head.

How Mismatched wished she could throttle Ash. She gritted her teeth and smiled at Brainus, dusting at her skirts and trying to hide her sore feet. "I don't see why you're working on that chariot if we don't have any flying horses or powers."

"Well, it beats going crazy and turning into your friend there."

"Point taken."

"Besides," Brainus grinned, "I've got a few tricks up my sleeves that not every demigod's got." He rolled out from underneath and grabbed the chipped wheel. "All we've got to do is snap this into place," he kicked the wheel onto the axle, "roll it over to that spot," he pointed to the top of the hill, "and let the good times roll. Literally."

"..." Mismatched put her chin into her hand, her eyebrows furrowed together. Brainus let himself stare at her appearance, thinking she looked cute disheveled... like all the times Helga ended up in trashcans or dumpsters. "What do you mean 'roll'?" She asked.

"Roll down the hill until we're out of the disenchanted area. Once we get to a place where our powers work, I'll teleport us."

"WHAT?! Are you crazy?!" She grabbed him by his shirt. "That's NUTS! We'll die!" She removed her grip and her hands went to her dirty hair. "I don't want to die again. It sucked the first time!"

"Mismatched, it's okay, you're not going to die-"

"Where do muses go if they die? Muse hell? Oh no!"

"I think you're exaggerating a little bit. Just calm down and-"

As Mismatched began to agonize the possibilities of a second afterlife, Ash hopped on her back. "Whoooo! SAFARI! Let's go-go-go!" She plopped on her helmet and hit the besieged muse with her whip. "Tally-ho!"

"Gaaahh! Ash, get off of me!"

"Never! Go forth, mare!"

"I'll give YOU a second afterlife!"

"Bwahaha! We are moving, we are moving!"

Brainus scratched his head and shrugged, going back to push the chariot. "Women. They're all crazy."

* * *

**To Be Continued!**

Word, Brainus. Word.

**Please Review.**


	26. Such a Good Idea

Disclaimer: Oh, you know what I'm going to put here. Don't own it. Don't sue. It's funny. Laugh.

* * *

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

Such a Good Idea

* * *

"You know, I don't think this is such a good idea, Ditey."

"And what do you know about good ideas, Loi? Hmmm?" Ditey swung a branch back, pausing to brush back the sweat on her brow. Man, Earth was **hot**. And made people all wet and sticky and smelly. And worse: had terrible spots where magic didn't work. Was there ANYTHING she liked about this planet or what? "I don't heaaaar you."

Ignoring her friend, she continued. "Okay, our magic doesn't work here."

"True."

"We don't know where we are."

"Also true."

"Maybe we should planned this a little bit before we came down to Earth."

"Hah! With what time? We had to escape when we had a chance! If we waited, the doors would've closed for sure and we'd be stuck at Mt. Olympus."

"Don't you think it's just a LITTLE odd that we were the only ones that got away? If Venus says the gates were closed to us, they would have been closed the second she uttered the command. You know she's above the bureacracy up there."

"I don't think it's odd at all! Obviously people know that they're dealing with an all-powerful Muse combo here. Of course, I'm the more impressive of the two, but that's okay."

"Whatever you say, Dites." Loi rolled her eyes, wondering why she put up with Ditey so much for the last couple of millenia. It's not like she was smart, or powerful, or even had anything to blackmail other people with (or at least, of what she knew...) There was really no incentive to hang around with this bossy, insecure, hyperactive excuse for a Muse.

As she was contemplating this, Ditey let go the branch and promptly struck herself with the imposing tree limb.

Loi smiled. Oh yeah. Now she remembered. Ditey was good for a laugh. Or, as Loi observed Ditey curse the tree and attempt to kick it down with her foot, maybe Ditey herself _was_ a laugh.

Either way, it never got boring with her around.

"Damn it, Loi, are you just going to stand there laughing at me or are you going to help me kill this tree?"

"Yeeeaah." She scratched her head. "I'm gonna take a rain check on that actually." She walked ahead, observing the blue horizon. "Huh. That's weird. I think I see someone."

Ditey punched the tree trunk and rubbed her red knuckles. "Pffft. Who else could be out here in the middle of NOWHERE?"

"Uhhh.." Loi squinted her eyes. "Dunno. Looks like a guy pushing a cart or something.. and a fumbling giant."

"What? What is this, _Princess Bride_?" Ditey abandoned her quest to banish the oak to Hades and shaded her eyes as she peered into the distance. She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Loi, it's not a giant. It's two midgets balancing on each other.... Wait, what?"

"Isn't that... Brainus?" Loi's eyes bugged out.

"Oh my god." Ditey said.

"Oh my god." Loi said.

"This was your idea!" Both shouted at each other and jumped into bushes, for fear of being seen by Venus' demigod nephew.

"WHAT? Are you nuts?" Loi said. "You dragged me out after Venus specifically said we were banned from coming here."

"Yeah, and my recollection calls that you weren't exactly unwilling. As a matter of fact, you were the one who said 'Yahweh schmaweh, a Muse has got to do what a Muse has got to do'."

"Hahaha... I did say that, didn't I?"

"What are we going to do now? If Venus finds out we're down here-"

"IF she hasn't already found out," Loi said, as she started to bite her hand. "Maybe we should go back."

"We_ can't._ The gates are closed, remember? Besides, our magic doesn't work here."

"Crap. Crap, crap, crap." Oh, the havoc Venus could reek on their careers. Forget Olympus Mail Room -- they'd be working as Norwegian Dwarf coal miners if this leaked to their mistress. Or worse -- working for that insufferable Goblin King! Loi whimpered into her handkerchief and promptly tore into her delicate skin.

"Stop that," she slapped her friend's hand. "Okay, don't freak out, don't freak out. Let's just think about this... we have the gang covering for us, right?"

Loi wrung her handkerchief. "Right. But Ditey-"

"But nothing. We're in this for better or for worse. So long as Venus doesn't find out we're gone, we're good, okay? The gates are closed temporarily and this can work in our favor. They don't know we're not supposed to be down here. We can act like messengers or something... or even assistants."

Loi sighed, and looked through the branches at the approaching group that spelled out their doom. "Alright. How should we play this?"

Ditey thought for a while and smiled. "Leave it to me. I'll play it smooth and easy. Watch the master." She got up, brushed off the dirt on her toga and walked gracefully to her death. Loi slapped her head. That was another thing she conveniently forgot: Ditey's plans weren't always 100% failproof even for her to accomplish.

------------------------------------

Ditey pinched her cheeks, and hopped up and down to get herself psyched up. "Okay, okay, be cool, be cool. It's just Brainus and two floozies.. you can do this. He will be eating out of the palm of your hand. Just walk out there and AAAAH!" As soon she put her foot out she slipped on a rock and proceeded to fall down a hill.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!" Ditey rolled over in the dirt, thinking all the while, _I hate Earth. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it!_

"Why-" thump, roll-

"Is this-" rip, tear, ouch-

"Happening-" bump, bruise, bleed-

"To-" crack, snap, pow-

"MEEEEEEE?!!"

She tumbled to a stop and growled, thinking the person who invented such a catastrophic nightmare of a place was going to die soon. "As soon as I get my hands on-"

"On what?" She saw at a pair of sandals in front of her and looked up to see the God of her dreams, Brainus. She sighed happily, forgetting she was covered in dirt, bleeding, and that she previously harbored ill feelings toward the planet that was now beneath her Grecian god of love, Brainus. _I love Earth_. "Well, hello there-"

"HI THERE!" A face interrupted the gaze and Ditey screamed.

"GAH! Monster!" She hit the offensive creative with her hand, taking a karate stance.

"OWIE!" The monster fled behind a short girl.

"Now... where were we?" She thought as she looked at Brainus like she was looking at a delicious meal. "Oh yes. Well, hello there-"

"Uh, hi." Brainus squinted his eyes and gripped the cart, pushing it uphill. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"Who, me?" Ditey batted her eyes and then remembered that, duh, Brainus was Venus' nephew. She covered her face with some of her toga. "Naaaah, you don't know me. In fact, none of you know-"

"I DO! I DO! I DO! I know who you are!" The little gremlin of a person incessantly waved her arms and hopped up and down, pointing in Ditey's direction.

_Crap_, Ditey thought. _It's that horrid little Muse of Many Talents. How'd she get down here?_ She squinted her eyes and glared at Ash. _She better shut up before-_

"Yeah, you do look sort of familiar. It must be that toga. Makes everyone look familiar to me," the other girl said, trying to get Ash to calm down.

Brainus grunted as he pushed more. "Hey, can we do less talking and more pushing? We're almost to the top."

The top? Ditey arched her eyebrow and looked up at the bushes. Loi was motioning "What the HELL are you doing?" to her discreetly. She smacked her head. LOI! Crap, she forgot. Better divert them away from her. If there was one thing suspicious about a Muse in the middle of nowhere, it was two Muses in the middle of nowhere.

"Uh, funny thing about the top," she stepped in Brainus' way. "I'm Ditey, by the way. Nice to meet you...?"

Grunt, "Brainus," grunt.

"And I'm Mis-"

"Yeah, yeah, that's very nice. So Brainus, what brings you here in the middle of nowhere?" And in a magical blackhole at that.

"Well," Brainus figured he was due for a break anyway and stuck a rock behind the wheel, "my two friends and I were coming on our chariot when our flying horse got spooked by a few dragons. We crashed here. Magic, as I'm sure you know by now, Ditey, doesn't work in this area. I, well, we were just pushing the chariot up the hill to ride down until we get to a place where magic does work. Now, what brings you here in the middle of nowhere?" He arched his eyebrow at her.

"Ha ha, very funny," she giggled at his turnabout use of her words. She put her chin in her hand and grinned like an idiot. "Sigh... you're so cute."

"Ahem," the other girl loudly cleared her throat and glared at Ditey. "We were in the middle of something here so if you don't mind, I'm just going to grab my associate here, BRAINUS, to talk to him for just a bit." She gave a big smile to Ditey. "You understand, of course."

"Of course." Ditey sent a smile back at her, her hand becoming a tight fist, thinking very unpleasant things about her new Muse friend that dragged off Brainus.

-------------------------------

Mismatched stopped a while a way, looking over her shoulder at Ditey, who was currently ignoring Ash's attempts to annoy her.

"Why are you talking to her?"

"What do you mean?" Brainus said.

Mismatched frazzled her hair with her hands and let out a frustrated sound. "Brainus! We don't know her. For all we know she could be from the Dark Side sent to sabotage our mission!"

"Mismatched, I think you're overreacting."

"Overreacting? I've SEEN THE SLIDESHOW! I attended the Orientation lecture! They said trust no one!"

"Ditey's harmless. If anything, she could help us."

"How?"

"For one, Ditey is one of my aunt's romance muses. Two, she's covering up for her friend up the hill who she thinks I haven't seen yet. Three, she has a crush on me. Four, I suspect the reason the two Muses are even down here on Earth is to help us with our goal."

"...Oh."

"Now we can't waste anymore time than we already have. It's been at least a couple of weeks in the mortal realm since I departed. I hate to think what kind of havoc Helga could reek in Arnold's body."

"You..."

Brainus turned around. "What?"

Mismatched fumbled with her fingers and looked away, blushing. "You don't like her, do you?"

Brainus bit his lip. "That's awfully forward of you to ask."

Mismatched blurted out, "Do you?!"

He sighed. How could he answer that question about Helga so soon to someone he didn't know? "No. I don't like her." He heard her sigh of relief and looked her in the eyes. "I love her." He walked off to the group, wondering why he felt a pang of regret at the statement.

Mismatched kept herself from crying when she heard him admit for his feelings for this new Muse, Ditey. Why should she care so much if her new friend liked someone else? She should be happy for him. Besides, she should know better by now. Love never came naturally to her. Not when she was alive, not now when she became a Muse. This is why she was the Muse of Mismatched Romances... love was a broken jigsaw puzzle for her to solve.

"Well," she said to no one in particular. "If he loves her, I'm going to accept it. He deserves love. Everyone deserves love." She sniffled. _Everyone but me_.

She walked off to the group after she was sure she wasn't crying anymore. She had a job to do: Helga and Arnold needed to find each other before it was too late.

---------------

Venus giggled happily when she looked into the pool of water, watching the exchanges between her nephew and the new Muse, Mismatched. Yes, it was going splendidly. Everything was going according to plan. They were stuck on Earth with no powers, those two Muses had stubbornly transported down to Earth to make things more complicated than they had to be... and already there was a misunderstanding between the two young lovers!

"Woot!! Marigold, put on some _Beavis and Butthead_! I feel like celebrating right now!" She skipped out the room.

* * *

To Be Continued!

Ha ha ha ha. Yup. Still looking for a job. Also, did you like the clever little references? I did!


	27. Best Friends

Disclaimer: You know the drill - it's been repeated for chapters!

Hey Let's Switch Turns!

**Best Friends**

* * *

It became a gradual, if not almost comfortable, routine for them to fall into. The students at PS 118 noticed it; the neighbors noticed it; even Abner snorted his bewilderment at the pairing.

They all watched curiously as Helga would walk by and wait obediently for Arnold to come traipsing out of his home before they made their trip together. No longer the social creatures they were before (as if Helga were by any stretch of the imagination a social creature), they kept to each other, and if kept apart, to themselves or to a few select chosen ones, such as Phoebe and Gerald. For the past few weeks what was once considered a brief madness had grown into a suspicion that maybe, just maybe... Arnold and Helga _liked _liked each other and were now an unofficial couple.

For many a recess, the fourth graders in Mr. Simmons' class brooded over the possibility. It wasn't a theory to come to lightly; many other ideas for the unexplained and abrupt pairing included alien abduction or robotic substitutes from the future. But the more time passed, the more it became a grounded possibility that yes, Arnold and Helga were sitting in a tree most likely k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

At least that's what Harold taunted to them before Arnold punched him in the gut and Helga dragged the resisting boy away from the gathering crowd.

----------------------

Gerald put his finger to his chin. "Somethin' ain't right here."

"Or as Hamlet would say, 'Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.'" A voice perked up behind him. He turned and saw Phoebe smiling slightly, wiggling her fingers at him.

Gerald arched his brow. "Yeah. Something's up with those two."

"I'm afraid I have the same conclusion. Has Arnold confided in you?"

"Nothin' so much as a peep. Helga?"

"Nothing as of yet. I must say, she has gotten rather cold recently and her behavior is nonplussed."

"None-what?" Gerald pointed to the groggy Harold and to the even further scene of Helga berating an indifferent, if not cool Arnold. "Look, Phoebe, that is my best friend punching Harold and being dragged off by your best friend, who is yelling at him for some reason. Don't you think that's weird?"

"It is rather bizarre. Almost a complete role exchange."

"People are talking like they're a couple now. Arnold won't tell me anything. If anything, it's like he doesn't like me anymore." Gerald sat down and put his head in his hands. "I've never been treated like this before. Not by Arnold."

Phoebe nodded and sat down gracefully by his side. "I understand, Gerald. Helga's the same way. It's like being with each other is completely foreign, as if she's never known me before."

"Talk about_ Invasion of the Body Snatchers_." Never in Gerald's inheritance as the Crypt Keeper of Myths and Legends had he heard anything as weird as what was happening to his friend. Maybe he was going through puberty early.

"How would you feel if we performed... an experiment of sorts?" Gerald looked up from the asphalt ground into Phoebe's framed eyes. She nibbled on her lip and distractedly fumbled with her fingers. "Maybe we can discover what's behind this... change... in both our friends and solve the puzzle." Nervous at the silence, she added, "It beats wild speculation and pouting."

The bell rang for recess' end. Students grumbled, going back into the building. In the distance, Gerald saw Arnold and Helga walk in, together, as always. He looked at Phoebe. "What sort of experiment we talkin' about here?"

---------------------

Before him was a long horizontal piece of paper with a long line traveling through the middle of it. Phoebe put the marker head back on, placing it in order with her other writing utensils, and paused to look over her masterpiece.

Gerald took this opportunity to take a good look at her room. Zen influence. Nice. Relaxing paint color. Cool. Bonsai plant. Awesome. Somehow her room fit her exactly, but he never could've pictured it was like this.

"This," her voice drew him back to the paper, "is a timeline." She pointed at the big dot in the beginning. "Two weeks ago, Helga and Arnold fainted suspiciously for no apparent reason but 'heat exhaustion' at the same time, in the same place." She pinned the timeline onto her wall, concentrating very hard on it. "Do you remember anything off other than that?"

"Yeah, plenty." Gerald took a cookie off the plate Phoebe's mom left them. "For one thing, that was the first time Arnold started to act differently." He took a bite in it and continued to talk while chewing, "and another thing, Helga ran up to me in the nurse's office and started to harass me. Oh, sorry." He covered his mouth when he realized crumbs were popping out. Phoebe giggled and covered her mouth to hide her smile.

"Do you remember what she was 'harassing' you about?"

He smacked his lips. "I can't say I really remember... it was hard to understand her. Like her mouth was going crazy."

"Sounds like she was hyperventilating, a common trait of an over-anxious state of being."

"Yeah, well, whatever it was, it was crazy talk. The only thing I could make out was..." He thought hard. God, what did Pataki say that day? "...'I switched places with Helga'? No, that can't be right. Pffft. You're right, Phoebe. Maybe I am believing those stories too much." He dunked another cookie into the milk and sighed.

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'a kernel of truth in every great myth'?"

"No."

"Well, I think there's a kernel of truth somewhere in this great myth. As scientists, we can't rule out any explanation until further notice. We need to research and diagnose the problem, develop a hypothesis, test it and see what happens. For all we know, maybe what you heard that day was right and Helga and Arnold have indeed traded places."

"Like that movie?"

"Precisely."

"Get out of town!"

"No, wait, don't discount the theory yet." Phoebe moved close to him and took a pen and composition book. "In these past few weeks, let's chart out the behavior and incidents that we've seen with our own eyes. How often has Arnold exhibited irregular behavior?"

"All the time now."

"How? Is he... more violent? Temperamental? Does he blank out on obvious details and shies away from conversing with you?"

Gerald mulled over it. As a matter of fact, that described the current Arnold to a T. "That doesn't mean what you're suggesting though," but it did sound awfully convincing, Gerald thought.

Phoebe had to smile. So now the skeptic had to convince the believer. "I've been watching very closely and keeping a journal since the third incident involving Helga and Arnold recently." Third incident? Gerald suddenly realized she meant the day Principal Wartz fainted. "I wrote down the details of the encounter as much as I could dig up, but it's strange the amount of secrecy Helga is harboring against me... well, more than usual I should say. I usually have a small level of confidence in her eyes but it's as if we're no more than casual acquaintances now, not best friends since preschool.

"She tries to hide it though. This new behavior. Which, is even more strange. A complete change in personality is one thing, and it can be explained, no matter how rare a thing does happen to a person... perhaps she hit her head or some other reason. But she's hiding it, trying to puff up her chest and act contrary to her new personality, which in psychological terms is the most mind-boggling thing to think of." Noting Gerald's slightly dry expression, she related in laymen terms, "In other words, the old Helga is gone. This new Helga is trying to act like the old Helga, for reasons I can only venture to guess."

Gerald stirred a cookie distractedly in his milk, nibbling on its soft contents. The more he listened, the more he had to agree that Phoebe really did do her homework on this. "Like what?"

"Like... in this sudden new personality shift, she could be afraid of the public reaction... maybe it would be easier for her to maintain a charade rather than build up another whole reputation. It would require a lot of work, and time -- something any other person might blanche at, but eventually succumb to. That's what makes it so odd: in some ways, she is the old Helga... but the underlying spirit is different. I can't explain it."

Gerald had a grim smile - Phoebe hit the feeling right on the nail. "I know what you mean. I feel the same thing from Arnold. He tries to act like the Arnold I knew, but it's like his heart isn't in it... like it's not really him. But sometimes I'll see it. I'll see that... that flash in him, where I think it's the 'real' Arnold, but then it's gone."

"Now you know my conundrum. I wanted your assistance on this project - so to speak - before this gets more out of hand. I feel something coming, Gerald. I've never beheld this forbearance before, but I think if something's not done soon about our friends, terrible things will happen that will effect all of us."

"Woah, hold on there, Phoebe. All of us? That's kind of hard to swallow."

"I know it feels like an exaggeration," she grabbed him at the arms, "but like I said... I've never felt anything like this before. I've wrestled with my heart and mind, deciding what to do, before finally coming to you. Please Gerald, please. You're my last hope at figuring this out."

Gerald gazed down at her, concerned. He had never heard Phoebe talk this way. It almost scared him how this rational girl had such irrational thoughts bursting in her bosom, anguished with despair of some awful future to come. He softly touched her shoulder with his hand. "Hey. Hey. It'll be all right. I'm in. We'll be an unstoppable team, Pheebs."

Phoebe seemed to shake herself out of her hysterics and grabbed the composition book. "I wrote down everything I can remember about what they did and how they acted. We need more outside of school, we need confirmation, proof, something to explain this! Will you help me, Gerald?"

Gerald looked down at this excited, upset little girl and gave a fateful nod. "Yeah, I will. For you. For Arnold. Even that sourpuss Pataki." The last bit made her smile and he was glad. They sat down to work more, discovering coincidences in their mutual circumstantial evidence and decided the next step would be to investigate thoroughly and discretely just how far these new changes went... and if indeed, their friends were in the worst sort of trouble.

-------------------

To be continued!

Thanks for sticking around guys. I got laid off like two months ago. Whooo. I'll churn out more chapters before I go to crawl under a rock and die.


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